Stuffies and a body pillow doesn't help. My neighborhood is creepy as fuck. Perks of sleeping during the day. No hot weather (screw you Mother Nature! Yeah I said it) and no fear of the dark when one must nap. I sleep best when accompanied but I'll spare the rant. Been feeling much better as of late.
No actual dreams of substance. No social fears. No worries. No stress.But the busiest person and the most idle still must suffer their own mind. As usual, I've been fishing in my sea of thoughts. I often wonder what life would be like were I born different. But don't we all? I wonder how pretty I would've been as a girl.
With these weird genes I'm amazed I didn't grow up much uglier. Maybe I wouldn't have been so lucky on the other side. Or perhaps I would've grown up to become a bombshell. No way of knowing until they invent us them time machines. xD
Or, say, If I was born a few years earlier. If, right now, I was 21, or 24. Or 30. I wonder if I would be too different.I saw a man do an exercise. When he was very young he made a video to ask his future self questions.I'm writing a journal, of sorts.To ask my future self questions.
After all, when you think about it... in, say, five years, ten years... I won't be the same person. I will change, and become a different person. So I'm not asking myself a question, no. I'm asking a complete stranger, with my face, a question. The obvious questions, of course. What's happening to the family... who's still alive, blah blah. Then, things like, are you still single? Have any pets? Have you moved, if so, where to?Did you make any mistakes? Screw up a big decision?
And, inquires about specific people. Friends, acquaintances, etc.I hope to accomplish something by doing this.I always talk about being self aware. Monitering change. I don't want emotions, stress, etc, to control my decisions. I can always take a step back, and think it out. That being the case, I obviously have a specific vision of sorts, of the person I would like to be in 5-10 years. If I happen to royally screw it up... become the same type of person I hate...
I want the bastard inside my body to know it. To force him to remember all the dreams I have.
All the things I know I can be. Before you might start, yes, I know. To ensure it, I must take action and work towards the person I want to be. But, just in case... if something happens, or if I simply give up... I want to have SOME kind of connection to the past. To who I am RIGHT NOW. ...Is that so weird? So wrong? It is a very odd view, but really, I won't be the same person in the future.
I'm writing to a stranger. To make sure he will be what I want to become.