Every time I sit down to write one, I always get distracted or just lose my motivation to get my thoughts out. There are so many things I want to talk about, but I will only touch on two topics.
First topic is food, and my weight. PiP has recently talked and blogged about her own struggle, so I've been motivated to talk a little bit about mine. I've wanted to talk about it, but would always shy away every time I tried to write it out. So thanks for the extra motivation PiP.
Since mid-march, I've decided to turn around my eating habits and cut a bunch of crap out of my diet that I don't need. The biggest issues I had were my sodium, saturated fat, sugar, and caffeine levels. I'd consume an average of 3000 mg of sodium in a given day. That's 21,000 mg a week. That's 84,000 mg a month. That's absolutely disgusting. I can't eve begin to calculate how much saturated fat I was consuming. A lot of it came from eating sweets and eating cheese. I had cheese almost every day. It would actually start to make my breathe smell after while. The amount of fast food I had was unreal as well. I honestly should have been much heavier than I was.
I needed to make a change. I struggled with acid reflux, heart burn, headaches, I wasn't sleeping well, my energy levels sucked, going up a flight of stairs was mortifying and embarrassing, and it didn't help my knee (which has loose cartilage in it). So in mid March I started to eat better. I cut my saturated fat down to 11-13g in a single day, and I try to stay under 1300mg of sodium in a day as well.
About a year and a half ago I had a 3-session package with a nutritionist and she recommended the sat. fat to me and talked about my sugar and protein levels. As far as sugar goes, I cut out sweets and I stay away from specialty coffee drinks (ie. Frappucinos, tea drinks with simple syrups, etc). Once in awhile I will have some chocolate, or cookies, or something to satisfy my sweet tooth, but it's not every day anymore. I also designate a treat day and that's usually when I will drink or eat something that goes outside of my every day diet, although I still watch my sodium and my saturated fat. I'm still working on the other stuff and figuring out my sugar and protein levels, but so far what I've been doing has been working. I don't really eat processed foods anymore. I buy fresh groceries every couple of days and cook more than I ever did in college. It's paid off.
Sure, I have my moments where I eat more than I should, and I've had my slip ups, but they happen. And it's okay if they happen. You just have to keep moving forward.
The first two weeks were really hard. My body was not happy. I cried a lot and I had intense mood swings. I also got this weird bug in the first week of being a diet, so it wasn't a fun time.
So far I've lost 8 pounds. I've started to incorporate walking, as I really can't do anything else because of my knee. Once I get that sorted out I can start exercising like I used to.
The second thing that I want to touch on is my anxiety. It's been good in some ways, but horrible in others. I've had some major panic attacks in the last couple of months and I've gone through this whole stage in my life where everything makes me cry.
I had a particular situation I was in about a week ago that kind of jolted me out of my funk a bit. I've still been off and on with crying, but it made me realize more than ever that I need to get out of this hole that I constantly find myself in. It had gotten to the point where I was starting to misinterpret a lot of what was being said to me and projecting certain things from my past into recent situations, particularly this one.
It's toxic, the way that I've been and it's not healthy and I want it to stop. It's really hard to express myself when I'm feeling emotional in the moment and usually I can never get across what I want to. I also must confess that I haven't really been writing at all and that's not good. I used to write about my feelings all the time and just kind of lost that. I'm trying to get back into it all, but there are certain things in my life that I need to sort out. It's just going to take time. After that situation happened, later that day I wrote out my feelings and shared it with the other person involved. Man did it feel good to get it out, and it felt good to know that it made sense. So this is my next attempt at getting back into it and the cathartic ways of writing that I love so much.
This is a little all over the place, but I usually am when I blog, haha. I'm hoping to be more consistent with this and post some more nuggets of my life, as there are many things that currently plague my 25 year old self. It's another thing that bothers me. I'm too young for these particular issues I'm having, so I'm making moves to move past it all and become a better me. I've lived for a quarter of a century already. I need to make my mark in this world 'cause I ain't gettin' any younger!