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...just thinking out loud.

I'm sitting here feeling wrong, again. I often do this.

My friend tells me all the time that I shouldn't think about it- that in time all the wrongs that really matter will get fixed, and that any new problems - and there always will be new ones- will get fixed as they arise.

For now, I might as well enjoy it- all the things that I 'have' - the things that are there, here, temporarily, that I get to use- like my imported coffee- right now- that I pay less for- and that big flat-screen t.v. hanging over on the wall that I watch, and all the rest, everything, along with all that extra square footage going to waste right here where we live when there are so many going without!

One time we figured it out, and there's room for fifteen sleeping bags! (- if we took out the furniture). And that's just one room! Imagine if everyone did that? With every store, home, or office there's more than enough shelter for all- and we'd never have to build another building again!

Of course, I can't say any of this, not to most people- my family, my friends- only to the other members in our group- I mean, we can speak freely- but most people would get upset. I know because I've tested it.

But someday. Soon, I think, and then they won't have a choice - it will just be. I think that now people just have too many choices.

Some eggs will have to get cracked, but that's just what happens. Probably, a lot of eggs.

It bothers- not the eggs, but the stuff- and I need to push it away- don't think about it too much, and instead think ofthe right stuff -as long as I keep in mind the wrongness overall of everything. That's how you'll change it- when it's time.

"A good heart- " my friend says. I say that's a judgement in itself - 'old thinking', but they say no, it's compassion. But even that word is too old, I think. For now it's useful, and we need it, but compassion, I think, is really too personal- like for one person- selfish.
There are things that are just wrong, and things that are just right.

And meanwhile, I'm drinking my imported coffee and thinking about all those diesel plumes going back and forth across the sea, and how we're exploiting the people of all these far away places, while those fumes destroy the planet; perpetuating the oppression and injustices.

My friend reminds me that I should be careful to not be so specific- that when the new time comes I will be useful, so don't get myself on a list of wrong thinkers - regressives. Party members will still need to drink their coffee up in the places too cold to grow that coffee, so certain allowances must be made- you just have to weigh the overall benefits of things versus rights; as long as we keep pushing everywhere that's needed to further it along we're doing okay. Of course there's always more we could. That's why we're never satisfied, because its never enough.

I don't know - it just feels wrong, all this stuff, but I will try.

Toward the greater future. I will speak again


At the hospital. The tubercular patient who is told by the doctor that he has five days to live. He anticipates and cuts his throat with a razor. Obviously,he can't wait five days....Albert Camus
We learn a lot from our parents, if we're lucky.
My dad was easy going, avoided conflict and forgave. My mom was vindictive, held resentments and was angry a lot. Opposites attract, eh?

Unrelated: My favorite lines from the original Red Dawn:
"Kid, all that anger will burn you up if you don't let it go."
"It keeps me warm."

Careful with the eggs.

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