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I'm Sorry.

I worked seven hours straight today, illegally skipping over a 30 minute break, with one thing in mind. Writing Forums. Now, I don't even feel comfortable. Perhaps, I was too comfortable. After seeing how much I've done, I gave myself credit where my mouth was and blew off a lifetime offer last night. I even thought it was special. To mark my blog's anniversary. Just one thing for me. It wasn't enough. No, I am not enough. I am sorry I wasted your time. I am sorry I put everyone else before myself. I can't change that. I am here to make a difference. The only problem was suggesting the stage crew to brighten the lights. The fact that the lights were on me should have been enough. I am worthless. I am uncomfortable. I'd ask for a hug, but now that's too awkward. Tally: two members I hurt. Too many too soon. I will continue to contribute my services because it was never about me. I will always be the board over the stream for new members to take their first leap of faith.

In continuing to revive different areas of Writing Forum, I have been going beyond visitor messages. If your birthday has passed within the last 30 days, you have received a birthday greeting with a cupcake. I hope to see this idea becomes implemented as it's nice to have a day to ourselves. You can pass over mine. I blew the candle too soon and wished too much from a candle that sat on a cupcake.

Anyway, rant over.


I will punish myself later tonight. Perhaps, I'll watch infomercials.


Edit:

I can't sleep without saying this. I want to clarify that I did not intend to sound entitled, and I respect the proposal as well as the final decision. I am genuinely sorry. Good night.

Comments

Don't know what you did but as long as you are watching infomercials, I'd say that makes up for pretty much anything short of murder :) Seriously though, don't beat yourself up too much, just move forward and learn from it.
 
What happened? I'm sure you didn't hurt anyone on purpose. You're not a malicious person, and I know what you did was in your best intentions. Please don't say you're worthless, because that is far from truth. You matter, as a man, as a worker, as a lover, and as a WF member. You brought sunshine with you, and I can see others feel it too - you lighten up this forum (not that it was dark or depressed before, but a dash of fresh air is always good), and your worth here is pretty high!

Remember: YOU MATTER, and we love you!
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People here are so nice and loving, I'm sure the one who you wronged will forgive you :)
 
No, I take everything personally. I hate myself. Just for thinking of myself one time. I feel like it would be unfair to just get up and go, but I am uncomfortable. I destroyed my comfort here. I feel like a burden. I feel so ashamed. I am ready to walk outside with just shorts on. Brutally cold - who cares. I deserve that treatment. Ugh. I failed. Miserably. All for a sentimental touch.
 
Valentine's Day. Cliché or not, is my blog's anniversary for being officially a dot com. Not a dot wordpress dot com. I feel so selfish for even thinking about myself. Can I jump into a lake? It's only 4 degrees.
 
No, please don't go away. Everything can be fixed. And you should think of yourself. Not sometimes, always. You are the most important person you have. You should respect yourself more. We all make mistakes, but don't let them define you. You are so much more than your acts. You are not a burden. I know I would be sad if you decided to go, along with other members....
 
I see the drama and the energy, and think it only needs to be put in another direction. There are lots of members here who need some moral support and encouragement. I say pick up the ball and run, your work is not done here yet :}
 
My inner demon pressed LOL. I reassure you it wasn't me. But seriously, I am done. I am so uncomfortable. I feel like I can't even talk to myself. I can't mentor myself, let alone talk to a mentor about my feelings.
 
I feel like my work is easily replaceable, Plasticweld. You guys will have someone with the same drive as I do. Trust me. It may take a few introductions in the Introduce Yourself thread, but they'll come around.
 
I don't care about the LOL, Anthony (wow, it must be pretty serious if I'm calling you by name :lol:). I just want you to know that you have someone to talk to; all of us. No matter how you feel right now, it will pass. People forgive, people forget.
 
You're not replacable, Anthony. You are YOU and no one can take it from you. No one can be you.
 
But it's me. I will never forgive myself. It will eat me alive. My inner demons are eating it alive. They were waiting for it. They had the popcorn already aligned with their front row seating.
 
You need to learn to live with your own mistakes and choices. We all do. It's not easy, but day by day, and its power will weaken, until it completely goes away... And not everyone can create a fresh air, trust me. I needed a year just to feel comfortable here. You did more in a month that some weren't capable of doing in a year (like me). Please reconsider. The night is darkest just before the dawn. And no, that quote is not from Batman.
 
Not to sound like a stoogie old guy but I seldom waste a lot of time with new members in the introduce yourself section. I do look at it and visit the profile page of someone who has made more than ten posts. I look to see if they have posted their first work and make sure I do an honest critique and welcome them to the forum after they have written something. I know that it is tough for new members to get a critique, find someone to help with a story line and offer some encouragement along the way. To read a few of their posts, read some of their work and be there to help, is sometimes the difference between a new member sticking around, and one who only makes a handful of posts. You have the skills that are needed to help and that is enough to make a real difference in someone's life. I seriously doubt that any story of mine will change anyone's life. My writing will never win any awards or any notoriety but do know for a fact the ability I have to care about someone else and let them know really does make a difference. You may not have the ability to sway the entire world with your writing, but you can make a world of difference to a single person.


And if you really get stuck I am always looking for help with the new Side Trips Challenge. This past month I reached out to the older and more mature members of the forum to enter, the next challenge will be geared towards the new members and new writers who are trying to become better story tellers. I offer to help any of them with their work and my skills are basic at best, you would have no trouble fitting right in with what I am doing...


PS you would be in good company Schrody is helping this month.
 
The biggest mistake I live with everyday was not pressing further into my skin. Ah, the reason why I am so eager to publish my book. The moment when my main character has a pocket knife against his throat, and then admits his belligerent step-father (based on my own father) wasn't worth a drop of his blood.
 
Thanks Plasticweld. This is the most we've conversed in the same area. I appreciate your time, words of wisdom and your offer.
 
Plastic has a point, Ant (such a cute nickname ^^), you have the power - use it. You think I'm not eager to publish? I want it more than anything, but I know it's not the right time yet. There's no point in rushing things. That being said - quit bitching. You did what you did, it's all past now. Learn from it so you won't repeat it again. Time for some tough love.
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It's 1 a.m. here, so I'm going to sleep. When I wake up, I wanna see you here, fresh and enthusiastic as ever, you got that?
 
I am eager, but I am not ready. Luckily, I was the student who rescued all the ants without killing them in the classroom. So, it's a warm and fuzzy pastime. Oh, I'll stop. This is it. This is my final post. Haven't you caught on? This is my area to disclose what's going on, and make it known that I am not comfortable with myself being here. When you wake up, if you see me around, I will still put people ahead of me. Uncomfortable or not, I am doing it for them. The only thing I change is that nothing will be for personal satisfaction. Nothing is deserved for sentimental value. I am here to assist. Not myself, but others. In the process, it will help myself become a better writer. That's the natural part of it. My parents are giving me shit as they walk in. Sweet dreams. Thank you for your support.
 
Your support and presence means a lot to me Anthony, and I consider you a good friend of mine on these forums. I'd be very upset to see you go.

I hope you come to terms with yourself. If you need anybody to talk to about anything, you're looking at him.

-Kyle
 

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