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I think I'm done.

Everything in the last two years has exploded in my face, save a few high points.

I no longer have the means to stay positive.


I'm sorry I never finished school early and skipped grades and went to a university. Sorry that I haven't memorized a bunch of trivial knowledge from books. Sorry I don't masochistically work at whatever I do just to put myself above others. Sorry that the only thing my life involves is work and conversations, which even I manage to fuck up.

Sorry I'm just a pretty face with no brain, born in a small town where it doesn't do me any good; trying to act like a human being that might deserve friends.

I'm not dumb enough to say that the universe hates me. But people sure seem to, and I can't find out why.

I'm done trying.

Comments

More people like you than you realize. I'm not sure what's gone on, but it's easy to only see the negative and miss the positive. Give yourself a chance. Giving up never helps.
 
:( I'm sorry. I don't know what to say except - you're not a pretty face without a brain; you're are as well as talented and smart as much as you're cute! Don't sell yourself short - who cares what everyone else thinks? The only thing that does matter is what you think of you! I know it's hard, and no one understands you or tries too - but it will change one day, I promise. I was in a similar position - my surroundings treated me as a different one, but in a bad way. And you know what? I said: "**ck it!" Ain't nobody gonna tell me how am I supposed to live my life - and you shouldn't let it either. <3
 
you could be at that point where you begin to see your journey is heading somewhere your unsure off and maybe scared of too....exhaustion,fatigue and people just can't give you a break and it takes strength to face another period of the same old,same crap....somewhere inside of you is the will to keep going,face it...battle it,battle yourself,battle everyone who comes your way..i think you maybe stronger than you realise at this moment and in this period of weakness you can't see the point of it all...what you got is life and what you can do is give life the power to fight darkness and self doubt and turn it into one more second,hour ,day..week and let the survival instinct kick in..hope will come and go but the survival instinct is the most powerful force you alone have the power to control..take care man..
 
You are intelligent. That hurts. I know. Don't try to live up to what you think other people expect of you. Live up to what you know in your heart you are capable of. That may be more or less than they actually expect, but it doesn't matter. You are an expert at being yourself and as long as you try to be someone else you are putting yourself at a disadvantage. I speak from experience.

If you aren't what people expect you to be and you suspect that they may be laughing at you then make that your strength. Eventually they will be laughing with you and seeking you out because you raise their spirits. They face the same problems that you do after all, no matter how brave a face they put on it.

In the latter part of my career I gained the reputation for being the coolest person in a crisis. The truth was that I was the person most prepared to encounter failure while for others it was unthinkable and that clouded their judgement. Had they realised that I just didn't care whether I'd get things wrong then perhaps they wouldn't have trusted me to solve their problems, but I knew myself and what I was capable of and therefore I got right what I attempted even though to others it seemed unlikely. That is one of the golden ancient Greek maxims; know yourself.

You are trying too hard too soon. Be patient, both with yourself and with others. Can you tell from all the things that I have posted on WF whether I am a wise man playing the fool or a fool playing the wise man? When you find out let me know because I don't know the answer and apparently it doesn't matter much in the long run of life anyway.
 
I think many people go through this kind of stuff. Maybe to feel a better vibe from life means getting away from negative or critical people. Know that you are not alone in feeling this way. We all have at some point.

I find having positive outlets for processing these feelings is very positive- friends that will listen, blogging, or just finding a way to do something and think about things.

You seem like a nice young man and I am sure getting some perspective on this from peers and older folks can also helpful.
 
Crowley.
First rule of life is, it isnt fair. If it were we would all be the same, no stories to tell no expieriences to share, no love to give, no passion to feel. Frustration and anger are part of who you are. You were astute enough, to put your feelings into this forum that in itself is a new begining. Spend some time just looking at the things you have in all its detail. Dwelling on things you have lost will never bring them back.
 
I think about what I don't have: M.S., ALS, Cancer, some other horrible disease: people actively fighting a war around me, people actively trying to kill me, people starving around me; living in a kleptocracy with no opportunity, living under a totalitarian regime with no opportunity...

So... take China, for instance. They are most of the world's population, right? They're like 3 billion or some crap, while we're like 100 million, maybe. They talk about the new billionaires and all the progress over there, but those billionaires a teeny-tiny minority, totally corrupt, and the vast majority (which is so vast I can barely comprehend) are working horrible, low pay, a ton of labor, factory jobs.

They make like a quarter an hour.

Now those guys are fucked--sorry, 'screwed'. Compared to them I have it good; maybe great. Doesn't that make you feel better? a whole country which is nearly one third the humanity, of poorer-than-jerry-Springer-trailer-trash-poor, poor people. Yeah, I'm feelin' pretty good now. Look at me with my Chinese factory-made shoes, my Chinese factory-made clothes.
Look at those poor schlubs... can barely afford anything; not even allowed to talk about it without fear of being arrested. I think I'll go buy me a slurpey, maybe a hotdog. Yeah, it's a beautiful day.
 
So much wisdom in these comments, what can i say? Except, you're obviously a thinker so you ARE intelligent.
And worry/anxiety will never be far away. The trick is to conquer it.

Battle those demons CK and good luck.

Illegitimi non carborundum.
 
dither;bt6397 said:
So much wisdom in these comments, what can i say? Except, you're obviously a thinker so you ARE intelligent.
And worry/anxiety will never be far away. The trick is to conquer it.

Battle those demons CK and good luck.

Illegitimi non carborundum.

Sorry, didn't mean to click "lol" dither.

Agreed! Follow the advice in these comments Crow, couldn't have said it better myself!
 
I'm not one to blow smoke up your butt. Life is unfair. That's why you have to fight.
Fight because you must. Eventually, you learn to appreciate, and even enjoy the struggle. Success is not the finish. It is the pause in the fight.

That is a bit machonistic, but it rings true in my world. Surround yourself with fighters. It sounds like "your town" is populated by boring, weak folk. Been there, too. Look elsewhere.
There are plenty of people worth your time out there. Or in here.
 

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Crowley K. Jarvis
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