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I Am At A Loss

I haven't been around because I have not been able to write.

Right now, I think for me, at my age, my greatest worry / concern ( outside of spiritual) is the my stories will not be told.

I worry that my characters will go unknown, dying with me without having been shared. Sure, I could create the profiles and leave detailed notes in the hopes that one of my children or another writer will tell these stories. It wouldn't be the same. They would put in their own creativity, changing the stories through their imaginations.

I'm 48 now, my life is half gone. I should have been published over 20 years ago.

For as long as I can remember I have spent more energy fighting against people over my writing. Most, and it's important to mention that these are people who have read nothing I've written, want me to give it up. They push and coerce to the point of arguing to get me to stop writing. It's a type of bullying.

Then there are those who are supposed to be fellow writers. Instead of offering constructive criticism, my work gets mostly criticized. There are few suggestions, lots of nit-picking ( with no suggestions on revisions) and my least favorite- comments with implications of "you need to do this my way,"

The end result is that I am unable to write. This seems to be what people want. As long as I'm not writing, people seem to be content with me. The moment I start talking about my writing, or they find that I have returned to it- they're back on me with their negativity, their bullying.

Sadly, I have not, do not, and doubt that I will ever understand why people do this to others. It's abuse, it's mean, it's uncivilized. I have found that even though I cut these people from my life, I still have the ghosts of their voices in my head. So then, I end up spending my energy, my focus on trying to exorcise them. And my writing suffers.

The biggest part that I fail to understand is the abuse I have endure from other writers. We should be a community, supporting each other, help each other to develop our own styles. Instead what I see are writers shredding others works, nit-picking, and insisting that the story be done their way.- as opposed to the creating writer's way / style.

I’m at a loss. Every time I put myself out there, even here, this is what I get. It's not just with my own works. I see this happening to other writers as well.

What happened to respecting the difference in our talents, our styles? Why do some writers insist that other writers do things their way, their style?

And whatever happened to constructive criticism?


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