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Hungover, it's just the booze talking.

From a life of having never taken the time to figure myself out. We read, all too often of those " hoorah-henry" types who, having graduated from one University or other, embark upon a gap year to " find themselves" and now, finally, having been on this earth for over six decades, I kind of GET that. I'm not lacking in intelligence, not a complete blockhead, always enjoyed good health and well-being and maybe that was my downfall, I never ever wanted, certainly never needed , to be anything. In all my years I never felt driven or motivated and so I just tootled along blithely, blissfully unaware of what I actually had. Always worked hard, paid my way etc. that was never an issue and I've never been unemployed and, looking back, maybe a taste of hard times would have been no bad thing, one can only wonder.

Youth passes by oh so quickly, middle age is, can be, such a drag and so now here I am carrying out a kind self-assessment and it's not a happy one. No "pausing to smell the roses" as one WF member put it. It's not as though I failed through not succeeding, it's that I never tried and that must surely be the biggest failing of all time which brings me back to the opening sentence. It has been said of me that " he could have should have done better " but what could I have done better? What might I have done ​better at? Now, using one of the side-trips prompts as a metaphor, I realise, all too late, that I might have attempted to use this sorry tale as a basis for an entry. "Taking the easy route in life", Never mind. Twice now I've thought of something after time has been called, story of my life and I can't, won't, mustn't, complain, I have only myself to blame.

All this because of my garden fence. Yes! My garden fence. I have two 5litre tubs of weather-proofing wood-stain that is intended for use on my garden fence. It is kept in my spare room where my computer-station is situated. I only have to avert my eyes to look upon it. It has been sitting there, gathering cobwebs, to my shame and embarrassment, for two years now.

My response to all of this, glug glug glug, another measure of gut-rot and a promise to myself, a must-do note even, to set an early alarm next Saturday night to get up at first light, weather permitting, and have a go at that damned fence. Why first light? This is not an excuse and then, on reflection, maybe it is. Whatever. I dread being out there at the same time as my neighbour and how awful is that ? But there it is.

Without going back through my blog-history and studying dates it seems to me that I have tended, nowadays, to blog on Sundays and why? Because after having breakfasted fairly early and polishing off the remains of my big green plastic bottle, it is , I think, a way of exorcising a mist of melancholy that hangs heavily at this time of the week. Job done I think and with load lightened I'm off to peruse the sports news.

If there's a moral to this sorry tale it is, to all you young people out there.

Give yourselves time. To hell with the world your peers and social compliance, just BE and good luck to you all.

dither...

Comments

Dither,

They call it the path of least resistance for a reason. And, in no way is that a bad thing. A life that was comfortable is often the biggest wish of those who stand outside it. To many and more, you might not realize it but you've lived another's dream. Don't regret that.

However, it is never too late to leave a small spark of rebellion too. You don't need to change everything but simply change something to leave your mark. "I was here" is the mark every living thing desires to leave behind.

I think Douglas Adams had the best name for this sort of reflection, "The Dark Tea Time of the Soul." That time just comes around more frequently for some than others. Be thankful, it is in those contemplative moments you add depth and a true soul to yourself.

So, I return your advice, just BE, my friend. Just be.
 
Ephemeral_One;bt9788 said:
Dither,

They call it the path of least resistance for a reason. And, in no way is that a bad thing. A life that was comfortable is often the biggest wish of those who stand outside it. To many and more, you might not realize it but you've lived another's dream. Don't regret that.

However, it is never too late to leave a small spark of rebellion too. You don't need to change everything but simply change something to leave your mark. "I was here" is the mark every living thing desires to leave behind.

I think Douglas Adams had the best name for this sort of reflection, "The Dark Tea Time of the Soul." That time just comes around more frequently for some than others. Be thankful, it is in those contemplative moments you add depth and a true soul to yourself.

So, I return your advice, just BE, my friend. Just be.

You are so right E_one,
so why can't I " get it" ?
 
dither;bt9789 said:
You are so right E_one,
so why can't I " get it" ?

Cause, if you ever got it, you'd probably reach something like Nirvana and I don't think the world wants to be rid of you yet.
 
Oh dear,
please don't tell me that there is, might be, a point to it all, some raison d'etre, not now.
 
dither;bt9791 said:
Oh dear,
please don't tell me that there is, might be, a point to it all, some raison d'etre, not now.

Well, the law of cause and effect means everything happens for a reason. So, technically, yes. Is it all building to something? Well, its built you into who you are now. So, who are you, Dither?
 
E_one,
if only i knew.
And by the way, I don't accept that everything happens for a reason. I just don't.
 
dither;bt9793 said:
E_one,
if only i knew.
And by the way, I don't accept that everything happens for a reason. I just don't.

You're talking to someone who believes chaos is a physical/spiritual force at effect in the world. So, in my eyes everything has a cause. It can just be that the source of the cause is something we were never meant to understand. At that point, might as well say 'A wizard did it' and move along.
 
dither,

I cannot express well enough how refreshing I found your blog post. It was an honest self-evaluation and not a whine, or a blame others, in it. Thank you for posting. sas
 
Ephemeral_One;bt9788 said:
Dither,

They call it the path of least resistance for a reason. And, in no way is that a bad thing. A life that was comfortable is often the biggest wish of those who stand outside it. To many and more, you might not realize it but you've lived another's dream. Don't regret that.

However, it is never too late to leave a small spark of rebellion too. You don't need to change everything but simply change something to leave your mark. "I was here" is the mark every living thing desires to leave behind.

I think Douglas Adams had the best name for this sort of reflection, "The Dark Tea Time of the Soul." That time just comes around more frequently for some than others. Be thankful, it is in those contemplative moments you add depth and a true soul to yourself.

So, I return your advice, just BE, my friend. Just be.

"The path of least resistance".
I love that line E_One, I think it's brilliant.
 
It has suddenly occurred to me that no, I probably couldn't have offered this up as an entry. It doesn't really qualify as a story, does it? I'm thinking of my previous attempt. Would anybody care to comment? Curious.
 
dither, So how is this not a story? It was to me, and an engaging one. I loved how you used that unpainted fence, as if it was a metaphor of your life. That, sir, made it worthy of an entry anywhere. sas
 
dither;bt9818 said:
It has suddenly occurred to me that no, I probably couldn't have offered this up as an entry. It doesn't really qualify as a story, does it? I'm thinking of my previous attempt. Would anybody care to comment? Curious.

I asked, didn't I? Who are you, Dither? I, myself, at least am interested.
 
Ephemeral_One;bt9841 said:
I asked, didn't I? Who are you, Dither? I, myself, at least am interested.

Yes, you did E_One.
I not sure that I understand the question though.
"Who am I?" as in " What sort of person I am"?
I am such a nonentity, really, can't think anything to tell.
 
dither;bt9842 said:
I am such a nonentity, really, can't think anything to tell.

He says to someone who willingly and proudly calls himself ephemeral....

Then, I'll give you the advice I got from an Elven bard, if you're willing to believe that. Don't think, act. Trust in the heart the gods gave you and speak only from there. Recall the little details of anything that made you into who you are now and speak freely on them. Action and sincerity are the greatest two tools a person can have when facing themselves.

Think not of your audience. Write simply what has brought you to this moment and you may be surprised.
 
E_One,
I suppose that in a way , in time/life terms, everything is "ephemeral" in so far as nothing stays the same. The only real constant, in the broadest possible terms, is life itself.

As for what your are suggesting, a loose, ish, kind of diarising, of what has gone before, water under the bridge so to speak, I don't know if could or would want to. All I have, and would care to have, because there doesn't seem to be a viable alternative, is, the here and now, which again, changes with every blink of an eyelid.

I'm finding this line of thought a little disconcerting E_One.

Time to move on I think.
 
dither;bt9845 said:
As for what your are suggesting, a loose, ish, kind of diarising, of what has gone before, water under the bridge so to speak, I don't know if could or would want to. All I have, and would care to have, because there doesn't seem to be a viable alternative, is, the here and now, which again, changes with every blink of an eyelid.

I'm finding this line of thought a little disconcerting E_One.

Time to move on I think.

I never meant to make you uncomfortable but hoped to coax out more such internally reverent thoughts from you such as what began this chain. If you do not wish to, that is fine and your choice. That is the beauty of life, is that we do have choices, even if they are supremely painful, uncomfortable, rapturous or even just a little jolly.

So, continue to wind your thread and know I appreciate your efforts. It gives me courage to keep facing the oddities of my own life.
 
There is something you want, Dither. I do not believe you do not know what it is. Maybe you are afraid or embarrassed, or believe what you want is so hopelessly beyond you it's not worth the breath. But I think you want something and, in general, fear to try for it.

Life ultimately doesn't matter so it's not like you have to do anything. Come to terms with yourself. Your real​ self.
 
Interesting thoughts there Kaminoshiyo.
I don't know, maybe I did give up on something once upon a lifetime and I really can't remember anything specific, but now? At my age?
I'm ready for the quiet steady slide into decline and ultimate demise.
I don't feel like caring about too much now.
 

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