HOW DID MY DAY GO?
Okay, picture this;
When I clock on for my final shift of the week, 22-00 til 06-00, as I pack a lunch on a Friday afternoon making ready even, as much as one can make ready, I'm done, mind knows it, body knows it, and if there is such a thing as soul, that knows it to but what the hell, it's gotta be done.
It was my sister's birthday yesterday ( Saturday ) and so, after enduring the above, I wouldn't be catching the bus home I'd be heading off in the opposite direction looking for a store that specialises in greetings cards. It's my sister's sixtieth. Sixtieth birthday cards not a problem, Birthday cards for a sister not a problem, attempt to combine the two and you're in serious do-do and I'm a bit of a stickler for such things.
Well, anyway, I headed out to a town that was totally out of my way looking for a card consoling myself with the fact that I would, at the very least , be able to do some of my weekend shop, if not all , and then there wouldn't be so much to haul from Lidl's when I finally got there. All that I might have got from Asda's I'd managed to get from Morrisons, god I hate those Morrison's stores, I don't know why, I just do.
As it happened my excursion into hitherto foriegn lands had been a complete waste of time although I did do some shopping and so with that I headed home to unload.
Eventually, after another bus-ride, I used to like bus-rides, I just got old I guess, weekend back on track and minus one very special greetings-card, I took loan of a shopping trolly having put my pound in the slot and entered Lidl's.
There was an old couple in front of me so I hung back and then,,,j,,,f,,,c,,,
She, the woman of the two stood blocking the opening looking at flowers...
"David! David!" She called.
He was off up the first aisle totally oblivious to her callings, that's what being down at heel in a marriage does to a bloke, she might have dropped down dead, he wouldn't have known.
And then she looked over her shoulder and at me, glowering.
" Oh it doesn't matter" she mumbled then hurried after him.
I wasn't there long, or rather, I didn't intend to be, and soon I was out of there, walking up the High Street at a gentle pace towards my bus-stop when the realisation hit me.
I'd promised my mother that I'd get her a couple of things from Lidl's and I'd forgot to get them ARGHHH! and me being me, I did the U-turn.
Shit! Fuck! Bugger and damn! Are all words that sprung to mind as I back-tracked but it was no use it had to be done and then a complete climb-down. There I was, walking to the checkouts with queues blocking the aisles and me, with my two packets of "Chef Select Sauteed Potatoes" looking on.
I scanned the checkout area looking for a Lidl help and spotted a young woman in Lidl uniform;
" Excuse me" I pleaded sheepishly " I've never used the self-service checkouts but it's looking a bit busy over there, could you help out with this stuff?" ME! ain't never gonna happen, SELF-SERVICE! Of course, the always willing to help, ever obliging customer service android did the business and for once I was grateful.
Now all I needed was a birthday card and my want was becoming a little tested.
Again, I walked up the High Street looking for a card. Was there a greetings card shop? I didn't know but there is and so in I went.
There was a very young looking girl at the counter.
"Erm, I have a situation. My sister is 60 today. I suppose you have 60 year old cards and happy birthday sister cards but what about 60yr old sister cards? Do they exist even?"
As she looked over my shoulder to a man who was on his knees stocking the lower shelves I got my response, the one I'd been hoping for.
"Yes, we have one".
I hurried over to him.
" Is there a choice? " I ventured.
"No, afraid not."
"I'll take it."
And so it was, job done.
What I hadn't got by now would be on my Monday list, I just wanted to go home.
Again I walked along the High Street at a leisurely pace toward my bus-stop and when I say bus-stop, I mean the one outside Asda's. I would be walking past a bus-stop en route but I didn't give it a thought and as I do so would you ephing believe it? The bus that I would like to have caught, the bus that I would have caught had I not forgotten those damned Lidl spuds went trundling by. How bad can it get?
I got to my favoured bus-stop, FAVOURED? J,,,F,,,C, why couldn't I have looked over my shoulder? Never mind,and I would have to wait around thirty minutes for the next one. No matter how tired, how sexually exhausted I feel, I just can't do that and so I started walking. With back-pack on and tote-bag slung over my shoulder I walked steadily on to Letts just a mile or so away. I was killing time and getting closer to home. When I hit the first stop in Letts I had ten minutes to wait and even that was too much, I walked on as far as the Queen Mary, a pub with a bus-stop outside, that would do, enough was enough. I didn't have long to wait, soon I was riding that huge galleon of the tarmac highways homeward, not a moment too soon and what a relief it was to be home.
First things first...
Put my shopping on the kitchen floor, put the kettle on, go for a pee, then refrigerate the perishables. All done, now all I had to do was to write on that damn birthday card and get it on it's way, over to my mother's. We're a disjointed dis-functioning family but good is as good does, it'll get there and then horror of horrors. I hadn't removed the price label, had there been one even? I really don't know but how much can a bloke endure? I offered apologies in advance and went home to my big green bollie of crumptons, kicked off boots and some semblance of heaven.
YES! YES! YES!