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Hidden tomb

Follow down the golden path,
'tween the trees that always laugh,
passed the singing daffodils,
into fields of swallowed pills.
Upon the stage I wait and wait,
'till the day you push the gate,
through open stone of memory,
at the end you'll surely see,
this glass tomb that you built,
where my body softly wilts.

Comments

RhythmOvPain;bt12115 said:
Holy shit, this is good.

Thanks, I think I'm getting better at this poetry malarkey lol. i seem to be liking the fairy tale theme right now, can not decide whether to write a novel, with these poems included in it, or to see if I can make an anthology of fairy themed poems.
 
'tween...'till... can't recall seeing these words abbreviated this way before..is this your own thing..shortening words an meaning always grabs my attention..
 
escorial;bt12146 said:
'tween...'till... can't recall seeing these words abbreviated this way before..is this your own thing..shortening words an meaning always grabs my attention..

I don't know esc, I thought it was pretty normal. It's how I speak/say these words in real life. I an't wait 'tillI...
 
Writing how u speak adds to the flavour for me an pushing the boundaries of all aspects of writing is the way to go...although I'm not too keen on accent's or say works like clockwork orange...but more of a stylized approach mixed with the norm..tiss n till in conjunction with grammar works for me...
 
I'm glad it does, pushing boundries is also good it helps you grow. I wouldn't be where I am now with pushing my own. I think it works in the poem and glad that others agree. :)
 

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Author
H.Brown
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