Last night I had a very troubling dream. It was filled with all the usual hallucinogenic suspects until very suddenly it turned into something nightmarish and over realistic. Somewhat like a cinematic version of what you would see every day.
I was sitting on a school bus, surrounded by the sounds of teenage chatter. What made the dream over realistic and cinematic in my opinion, was the distorted sounds of the chatter as well as how slow everyone seemed to be moving. It was a beautiful day, the sun shining, the sky clear, and as I sat there, the distinct feeling of being watched seemed to gnaw at me as I observed the scene in front of me. It was a type of gnawing you get when your consciousness is trying to tell you what you forgot. Like when a word is on the tip of your tongue, you know it, your familiar with this knowledge, yet somehow the word itself seems to escape your voice. That was how I felt, I was filled with knowledge that someone was staring at me, someone would always be staring, someone's gaze would always be upon me. Not in the sense that at least one person in the general area is glancing your way without noticing, but more of a particular person has been staring at you for hours, days, weeks, months, years, etc. That they have always been by your side, either in hiding or in plain sight, just staring at your existence. With a burning passion so strong you could feel their eyes sear holes into your back. I was afraid to confirm this sensation with my own eyes. So afraid that I kept my back straight, and my gaze front, and center. The sensation continued to grow, almost painfully so.
Within seconds the entire group of people on the bus disappeared. The sun slowly began to fall in the sky as the moon began to raise from the ground. The sound was deafening, the sun that shined through the front windshield blinded me, and only by will power, and fear, did I keep my gaze forward. The feeling was still there, the information that someone was looking at me raced rapidly through my mind. I had to look, I had to confirm, I had to know.
I turned my head slowly. My eyes slowly following behind. I stared at the rugged graffiti that lined the seats. The piercing sun blinding my gaze, making everything go white. I stared at the grass the lined the streets outside of the bus window, as my eyes trembled. The way the grass grew unnurtured from the concrete, as if barely surviving. The varying shades of green and brown, lined my vision as my heart beat began to he heard loudly in my ears.
I noticed the shriveled bark of a tree not five yards from my window. The shades of brown being touched by a warm looking hand.
I noticed the Falling leaves floating gently towards the ground. Like a joyful dance, as a breeze brushed my cheeks through the open windows. A figure out of focus in the back ground captured all of my attention even though I gazed only at the falling leaves.
The was standing tall. His dark hair contrasting against his pale skin. My memory fails me when it comes to the characteristics of his face. But I remember his eyes. The eyes of a honest man. The eyes of an innocent. The eyes of someone that would send shivers down your spine and butterflies ablaze in your stomach. He showed no type of criminal intent, yet I knew, as if I had known him personally, from a time long ago. I knew that every thing was wrong. My mouth opened slightly, my breath caught, and my eyes watered. Dread filled my soul and fear wrapped it's hand around my heart, leaving me breathless. I knew that this man was everything I feared, embodying everything that cause terror in my life.
Our locked eyes shared an exchange of information. His gaze filled with an unbearable passion easily mistaken as fortitude or courage, even ambition, by someone else who did not know.
His hand was holding onto a tree branch. His blue shirt messy and wrinkled. No smile existed on his face as he stared directly toward me, seizing me with fear and dread, so unbearable, I felt as if I was being held at gun point. I noticed his hand began to drop uncovering a carving in the tree. He backed away slowly, his body being covered by the shadows of the tree, slowly fading into the darkness. The sun setting causing shadows to dance on his face. His charming self so innocent looking, filled with a lovely smile that gripped my heart even stronger, filling it with unmemorable memories that sent chills, and shivers, down my spine. Haunting memories, with sounds of metal, and bronze, clanging together. Of screaming and yelling, of hopeless crying, and weak breathing.
I stared at the carving. I can not remember what was written in the tree, only the detail of the perfect curves and detailed designs that flushed my eyes with tears and realizations. Of the feeling of hopelessness and lonely emotions. The sensations of fear grew worse and worse, as my realizations became clearer, and clearer. The sound of my heart shattering, echoed throughout my dream as my mouth opened into a wide, and loud scream. The breath in my lungs slowly creeping up my throat, ready to let loose the horror, and devastation, that was clear on my face to sound.
I woke up. My eyes opened in an instant, my neck drenched in sweat.
I woke up. My heart was racing and my breathing unstable.
I'm awake. I thought to myself, the feelings of hopelessness, and unbearable terror, began to leave my system.
I had finally awaken from a nightmare so unbearable tears began to fall from my eyes so instantly I did not know I was crying until my family rushed into my room. Their voices filled with concern from the high shrilled screaming that filled the once silent house.