I suck at it. Really, I do. What I can do, what I'm capable of, seems a million light years behind those of my soon-to-be competitors. A billion, actually. It's drawing/painting, and they look like they've been doing it since Loenardo da Vinci gave 'em their first lesson in it in 1501. I look like I fell off the turnip truck yesterday afternoon, was knocked unconscious, and started screwing around with it while in a "slowly coming around" phase from which I have yet to recover.
I can get around my glaring lack of skill by using my creativity! The problem? Nobody in their right mind will pick a witty and pay for it when they could pick someone else's artwork. I'm not being glum, I'm being realistic. If given the choice for something witty or something beautiful, I'm thinking beauty. I'd just remember the witty phrase and use it myself later, likely claiming it as my own.
Do not think that this failure-in-progress is my only screwup this year. I said that this is the year of failures, not the week. Another grand failure was in a relationship. I got in, I did okay, it got tough, I bailed. She thinks I'm a colossal hole... I think her perception is dead on.
I've gotten and lost/quit more jobs this year than I ever have in my LIFE. I started working at age 13 part-timing for a auto body shop. In 16 years of working, I'd never been fired... until this year. I'd never started a job and quit it for less than severe reasons... until this year. I'd never jumped ship from one job to a competing company... until this year.
Physically, I'm falling apart and old problems are slowly snowballing in on me. Mentally, I'm exhausted and that exhaustion is fueled by the tremendous pressure I feel closing in. Can't sleep, don't want to eat, not always making sense, probably not making any now, and I am tired. Not "ooh, I'm tired after walking from my chair to the fridge and back to my chair" but "I am tired after walking from Popocatepetl to Fairbanks, realizing I'd lost my keys, and retracing my steps back to Popocatepetl only to discover that I didn't have my keys at all, but had left them at home to begin with." Mentally tired, physically tired, emotionally tired.
It makes a person wish that life was like a video game. Right about now, I'd push reset on Level 2015 and try to play it again, better, stronger, and without all the colossal errors I've made this go 'round.