Thinking, as I walked, about the smart-arsed young woman who assailed me yesterday with the "run boy run" outburst, and who may or may not have the mental age of twelve and the IQ of a pea. It occurred to me that others in my position might have indulged her with with a witty reposte. Does the problem, or the problem as I see it, in fact lie with ME? And if so, what does that say about........ me?
My comments about the stupid being cocksure etc.
I DO believe that knowledge really IS a double edged sword in so far as the more you know, the aware you become of how much you DON'T know. It can motivate the person with an inquiring mind to learn more. It will leave others crushed with feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. But how can we judge? Who is to judge ? And who, ultimately decides ? Can YOU handle it? Maybe I'm just to sensitive. She probably didn't mean anything by so why couldn't I just let it go? I think too much.
Then there's the weight of expectations, of parents family etc. Those who, in their infinite wisdom that a young person at such a young age, CAN..... handle it. We all know how harmful that can be. Failure and disappointment just waiting to happen.
And then I got around to thinking about myself and where I fit into all of this. I do credit myself with average intelligence, no more, and yet here I am, living on a sink estate, cheek by jowell, with likes that young woman . I'd like to blame the O.C.D. that I may or may not have, and the spectrum that I may or may not be on.
I am, I suppose, in my own way, as challenged, disadvantaged, call it what you will, as she is. We're just damaged goods. Well, not so much damaged as lacking those vital components, something in our make-up that prevents us from taking that step up, for want of a better way of putting it.
Oh dear, what a jumbled mess, enough said I think.......... I have to live with this shit.