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Disconnected (Confessions of an exRole-Player)

I never thought it would be so quiet in my own head.

Oh, there's inspiration; characters and plots and themes and worlds all there crowding around my chair, tugging on my socks for attention-

But I've never really written by myself before.

I'll call it... the Hive. I used to wander in and out not unlike the neighborhood cat- my work greeted happily but not someone to be relied upon to stay- and yet always welcome. And they were just as much a part of me; a thousand faceless people I could recognize by style and prose (more reliable than the ever changing name/avatar combos) whose voices still echo through my thoughts. Even now, separated by time and names and lost email accounts...

I miss the chaos. The spamming matches, the pervy c-box, the incoherent screaming (mostly on the part of the staff), like a big bowl of idea soup where nothing is sacred and the notion of copyright is something to be pointed and laughed at.

I'm still separating out what is mine to nurture and continue on with, and what I am leaving behind as theirs. Even if it was mine once. Inspiration is such a fluid thing.

But sometimes it's like asking a question to an empty room, remembering too late you've left the party and it's up to you to answer yourself. I wrap up a chapter and then...

And then...

And then...

And then I remember I'm playing all the parts myself and writing myself into a corner means a re-write, not a bad joke in the OOC and a silly-but-it's-only-a-game-lighten-up-geez-bail-out.

I take some solace in my characters, the new and the kept over from my role-playing days, and in that I really do believe (today) that I can do this- that I am good and can be better at this...

But I miss my friends. That's all it comes down too I suppose.

On the upside, one more plot-rehashing and I'll be ready to start cranking out chapters of my fantasy novel...

Comments

Hi Adeline
I felt the need to reciprocate, and I am glad I did. From what I can see written down, your mind is trying to keep doing those everyday chores, but there is rather a distracting firework display of ideas going on at all hours.
All writers are compelled to write.
You have a lyrical style that calls for romance and fantasy.
I am now going to creep off and let you get on with your book
Good luck
Bazz
 

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Adeline Addison
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