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Diaries of the Unknown: Chapter 3

May 17 - May 19, 2010

Dear Diary,
I’ve been reading the tai chi book again so I can lose weight. I’m way over the weight I’m comfortable with: I’m in between 230 and 240 pounds. I don’t like this at all. I want to lose the weight so I fit a size of (lost he’s I want. Right now I’m wearing sweat pants baggy shorts and the size 22 blue jeans that mom and I got about 5 to 6 years ago. So right now I’m doing the tai chi with gran.
I’m also thing on taking martial arts to help with the tai chi but practice martial arts with Carmen Jean using it on some kids in school that she might be bullying. I’ve been bullied before. Sometimes when I think back on some of those days I think about how I could’ve changed it and feel like it’s my fault. But it’s the past.
I’ve been trying to take care of myself but then sometimes I get carried away doing something else that I forget. I’m also trying to get into college and to get a job to get some green in my wallet and save enough money to get a place of my own. I’m tired of living with Sandy and Todd yelling at Carmen Jean about what she did wrong and I’m fed up with gran telling me that I’ve been getting up late in the morning.

May 20 - July 28, 2010

Dear Diary,
Sorry for not writing for a while. Have been busy with Job Corps. Some months ago CJ had some scrapes/chaffing between her legs and on her major and minor libias. I had to be careful while I was cleaning her up after the girls brought her back to the apartment. I was scared for her since she was crying. The girls wanted her to play with them after she was walking bowlegged. After I got her cleaned up as best I could do and I tried to keep her inside the apartment but the girls were telling me they could take care of her. CJ was outside when Sandy and gran came home from shopping for groceries and saw her walking. I was going to call them to let them know. Sandy and gran brought CJ back. Sandy cleaned CJ more thorough even though CJ was crying and screaming. I was in the living room crying feeling like it was my fault and my gran came in the living room she asked me why I was crying. I told her. Gran had told mom about what happened to CJ. I told mom my side of this and she called Sandy a few days later saying CJ was raped. Sandy said CJ wasn’t. I didn’t know until the argument that the girls were showing CJ how to slide down the rails here at the complex. Later I found out that mom told gran that she doesn’t want to be informed by gran again.
Just a few weeks ago on July 4th I got invited to become a member on Koolmom0’s poetry site. But thing was I was waiting for Ron, Koolmom0’s site to approve my profile I created my own site. Http://poetryimaginationary.ning.com. So far I got 10people on the site now. Most are Original Poetry veterans. The site that Koolmom0 has is this: http://poetrywritersandmore.ning.com which is also a cool site. A few days ago mom called me to tell me she found the two or three checks that I didn’t give to the apartment office for August’s rent. Now I have to get that straightened out since I lied. Now it’s my problem since I signed them.
A week ago I managed to get a message from Dr. Snow who is the counselor who mom made me see because of my suicidal depression. I tried to kill myself with a few syringes a few years ago. Dr. Snow did a message to tell me that he was getting the information of me to get here because Job Corps called him to let him know that they needed the information on me. I was glad that he was going to send it so I can get out of the apartment away from my family. Mom kicked me out because I wasn’t helping her with rent, bills, and not finding another job. I was working with Carowinds. A few commercials I’ve seen on TV lately of Busch Gardens start off looking over the amusement park with a roller coaster off to the right side of the screen. It reminds me of Carowinds. But it isn’t.
Speaking of Carowinds, my friend Raphael is no longer talking to me because his mom thinks I work for the devil and that I look like a witch. I recently became friends with Kevin Williams who is friends with an old friend of mine, Thomas Yates. He told me that I shouldn’t listen to people like Raphael’s mom. When and if I see Mrs. Winters, I’m going to get a snake, a python, and name it Monty. Raphael I know like me because he said that he’s getting emotionally close to me. But he doesn’t want to be close or talk to me because I talk to people on the other side and I’m a Wiccan. When his mom asked me what religion I study I said I was a Mormon understudy. His mom thought I work with the Devil because she saw Vampire Wars. And she said I’m unattractive.
Another friend of mine, Phil, is now in the hospital because he got sicker from the day he last talked to me after a week of silence. He told me that the phone company shut his cell phone off because he was behind on the bill. Now he’s in the hospital. I didn’t know that until I texted him again and I got his sister, Brook, who told me. I wonder how Persia, Phil’s 3 year old daughter is doing. Phil told me his feelings for me. He told me that he wanted me since the day he and I chilled at the bus stop to go to school. I just told him that I just wanted to be friends because I was thinking of Persia. I didn’t want to make any trouble to come between her and myself. I didn’t want to take her mom’s place or steal Phil away from her. I didn’t want that.
Today, my phone went dead because I forgot to recharge it last night. So when I came to get from the charger and turned it back on, I noticed that I got 3 messages from gran wanting me to help her with the books from the library. But when I did, I got my stuff and rushed out the door. When I got to the bus stop on Verda and Chemawa, gran told me to wait for there since she got the books and she was on her way from Chemeketa. I walked back across pissed off.
I was ready to help her with the books and I was late. I stood her up with meaning to. This got me mad. I wanted to yell at her to let her know that she didn’t have to get the books without me. When she got off the bus, I notice that she had a new book bag and she said that she didn’t think I would come with my book bag. That made me even more mad but I didn’t blow up.
She stated that she got the bag 25% off there at Chemeketa Community College. I told her about the phone. My hand is hurting like hell now writing all this. Too bad I missed all these days filling you in. mom is moving to Utah with Cory by the end of this month. And she didn’t get that one fraud position in Utah. Cory wants to be near his girls. His girls are now my stepsisters since mom and Cory are now married. I remember their marriage anniversary because they got married the day before my birthday: October 23, 2009. My birthday is October 24, 1989. A lot of people think I’m between the ages of 16-19. My mom was thought to be 12 when she was pregnant with me.
I almost had a publisher to publish Terry’s Terminating War. Terry’s Terminating War is about a neighborhood getting overrunned but mutants from the nearby science facility which was testing an HIV/AIDS drug. The drug transformed its subjects into something else. I’m even trying to find a publisher to put together a book of poetry for CJ. It was supposed to be for her 4th birthday but not in time. I want to publish something. I’m stuck on Chapter 5 on Benny Sinder’s War. My mom was excited when I had a publisher interested in Terry’s Terminating War, she asked what publisher and I told her it was XLIBRIS which is not a publishing house. Not sure what kind thought but XLIBRIS has a fee. Which I don’t want to pay.
A few days ago, I watched “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans”. I had to stop watching part of it cuz of CJ. I didn’t want her to see it. But when Todd took her to the park the next day I watched the rest of it. I like watching scary movies like that. I watched “The Terminator” @ CJ’s age. Mom wouldn’t let me see an episode of XFILES. I like writing but it sometimes make my hand ache. I want to put my imagination down on paper in words. But I can’t at times because of my language and learning disabilities. I can’t describe myself well. But in my mind everything is possible and I don’t have those disabilities.


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