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Death, Trauma, and Logic

Two funerals happened today, and now my great grandmother is speeding towards Columbus medical center.

First, an older woman I knew. My best friend's great aunt. They called her Oompa. Don't ask me why. But I shouldn't insult her nickname now, seeing as she's no longer among the living.

This does mean moving forward for some. Said best friend has been out in another country and will be returning soon. He'll be finally moving away from his parents. Most likely in Oompa's old house.

Despite her age and health problems however, I found her oddly full of life. She also used several youth terms. She constantly called things awesome. I didn't know her extremely well but everyone I know has. Secondhand sadness.

Secondly. My brother's girlfriend works for a McDonalds. The manager and his wife were hit in a head on collision and both died instantly. The other car was driven by a young intoxicated man with another young man in the passenger seat. He of course was charged with vehicular homicide and his life is very likely over.

The passenger took the open container they had in the car and threw it away. Of course police found it, so he's charge with tampering with evidence. I had met that couple twice, and thus scarcely knew the couple. But of course attending a funeral full of their friends and family brought me to tears.

But I had never met any of his family or friends. Very poor time to be introduced to my brother's girlfriend.

Last but not least, my great grandmother. When we arrived home from all of this, my grandmother goes downstairs to check on her. She was unresponsive but breathing. She can blink and look around but nothing more and has lost control of her faculties.

She was prescribed medication for pain and blood pressure, and has heart problems, and suffered a minor heart attack years ago which caused unrepairable damage. So of course this could be a stroke, blood clot, her sugar could be off, or her medication could be conflicting. We don't know at this point.

Please excuse my writing style here. I'm often disconnected with this sort of thing.

I guess that's how I've avoided being traumatized by past events. I've had a few life threatening accidents. I needed thirteen stitches in my hand from a machete cut. I would have bled to death if the phone wasn't working, as I was completely alone and pretty isolated in an old house we were renovating.

And again in my car, heading home from work I took a downhill snake turn too fast and spun completely around before rolling back into a tree. That little suzuki was totalled.

With the car's height, and how far I managed to spin on two wheels, we don't know why the car didn't flip over. If it did I very well would have continued down the hill. You know how they say your life flashes before you? Absolutely true in my case.

In either case, once the initial shock has faded of course, I always have been fine...

Most people get paranoid of hospitals, scared of driving, scared of sharp objects and cutting themselves...I've always reasoned that every accident was either random or a careless mistake. Either I could do nothing about it, as it was random and beyond my control, or future accidents can be prevented by my being more careful.

I'm a very conceptual person when it comes to writing, fiction, poetry. I can take everything personally and hold petty grudges. I'm very different from my father. But we both switch. Once those kind of things happen, my father ceases to be logical. He loses it. Cries. Gets angry. Breaks down.

I'm simply emotional the other half. But when accidents occur...sure, I'm shocked. I'm not a psychopath. But that's when I get logical. That's when I finally become organized. Something else takes over. Then I'm calm. I don't worry about it ever again.

So. Today has been a very sad day. Three lovely people I once knew are dead. My own great grandmother very well might join them, we don't know.But like I said, I'm not scared or fearful for the future. Just sad. But that will pass. Emotions are fuel. If it helps me write, then let me use it.

Tonight, I might be sad. But this won't stop me. I'll write, yet.

If you actually read all of this, thank you. I'm still alive.

I plan to use this time wisely.


Wow, that's crazy. Good to see that it appears you're taking it well though. I wish the best for your grandmother!
That's a textbook example of a tough day. I'll concur with Smith, I'm glad to see you're holding up well. Lots of people, a day like this would have them in a fury of crying and wailing.

I'm not doctor, but I think your stroke theory might be right. That's what it sounds like to me. I wish her--and you--all the best.
I hope that your great grandmother is doing okay. I hope you get the chance to go see her if she has to be in the hospital for an extended period of time.

Bleh. This makes me sigh. I wish I could give ya a hug. I'm glad to see you let these life events persuade you to move forward, even though they are so difficult to pass through when they happen. Stay strong!

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Crowley K. Jarvis
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