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Cycle Fascists

Godwin's Law be damned: You people are Bike Nazis.

You know who you are. You ride uphill at five miles per hour, in the car lane. There's room to your right, but you will not pull over. A dozen cars pile-up behind you. You do not care. You don't have to care. WE all must SHARE the road.

It's like 'toddler property rights'. If it's yours at the moment, it's YOURS. We can have the road back, just as soon as you're done with it. In your own sweet time.

Seattle politics, like a bubble-headed hippie parent, enables and encourages this infantile behavior. Insanity had become public policy.

Ever heard of a "sharrow"? This Orwellian term combines the words "share" and "arrow". In Seattle, they paint a bike icon with arrows ON THE ROAD. Not the curb, or sidewalk, or trail. A bicycle is supposed to 'share' space with a car. I've heard of New Math, but this must be New Physics. It turns out that WADOT has found a way for two masses of matter to exist in the same space-time. Finally, our tax dollars are breaking new ground in the sciences.

Where there isn't a "sharrow", they own that, too. Some intersections now have "bike boxes". Get this: They allow and encourage bicycles to stage in front of cars at intersections. So, when the light turns, a driver has to creep forward, waiting for some spandex clad fool to stop weaving in front of him. Eventually, the driver can clear the intersection... when the cyclist lets him.

When they do drive (in their sport-action Subarus), they flash their self-righteous dogma stickers on their rear windows. My favorite is "Give Cyclists Three Feet". Great idea, but if I pull to the left, I get glass, chrome and a steering wheel in my face. If you pull to the right, your precious titanium play toy bicycle gets some mud on it. Ewwwww, I guess that's a no-brainier. If I ever do pull left, I'll be looking for one of those sport action Subarus.

I really do like the "three foot" idea. If I had a third foot, I could keep my other two feet firmly planted whist I expertly position the third. It'd be hard for me to get my foot up there, though, as that space is usually occupied by the cyclist's head.

I could go on. And on. And on. But that would be a bit too much like you having to follow one of those a$$hole cyclists doing five MPH. So, I'm pulling over now.

Have a nice day.


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