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Blog entries by Greyson

it’s been an interesting few days with the rapid development of the corona virus and its spread, the world seems to have hit a wall in its desire for normalcy. Even what seems normal at times has taken on an insidious tinge of anxiety, a fear that seeps into even the mundane. An empty street is something to behold now, something we grab onto and point at, saying ‘look what’s happened’ despite its occurrence before. A cough or a sneeze are now things to be wary of doing when you leave your...
there used to be a pilgrimage where the pilgrim would place peas in their sandals to make the walk uncomfortable, an ever present pain meant to remind of the repentance they sought. to truly grow spiritually on this journey was to accept the pain of this life and to incorporate it into yourself. to accept the pain until you no longer resented it. today it seemed my boots were slowly being filled with peas. one after another, dropped in when i wasn’t looking.little pains that...
i used to be a very competitive person. i needed to win games or else i felt a hollowness, something along the lines of having wasted my time. i would compete to complete solo games faster than other people. i would compete with myself, setting unrealistic expectations and demanding results. i was, in short, unhealthy. i attribute some of this to my parents, you’ll see me do this for some time. i do not place the burden of blame solely upon them, i still acted in this way for some time...
(edit: this is from 2.14.20, took a while to figure out how to publish). hi all. back again with another installment. I get out of work early on Fridays – 11 am – which makes up some for the four, 10-hour days prior. today was somewhat difficult for me. I tend to be really bad at processing anger. I repress and ignore it until I blow up at something or (unfortunately) someone. I’ve grown more adept at releasing it safely through sublimation techniques (ie playing a game where I release...
Today, I’m struggling not just to find motivation, but to remember positivity. Something about this job is crushing, but then so were many of my other jobs. It leaves me wondering where the problem lies: in the job or in me? This line of thought of course doesn’t lend itself to a great mindset. Anytime i put myself in the cross-hairs, I tend to feel frustrated and confused. Often it culminates in a sense of overwhelming anxiety, anger, or sadness. The way forward isn’t clear, and despite...
greetings all. it has been some time and in it, i have changed. for one, i’m terrible at uppercasing now. I just don’t unless, as was the case there, it is forced upon me. can’t win them all. but far more has changed than just my grammar (is that grammar?). I went to graduate school for philosophy and found that I didn’t love it. what I had dedicated some four years of my life to, and my predicted future, turned out to be a mirage I’d created for myself. so, I went wandering. I left home –...
This is a short essay I wrote on a whim. I hope it's not too vague. The Existentialists say that existence comes before essence, that we have the freedom to create who we are through our actions. They also note how our actions define not just ourselves, but anyone we interact with. The basis of our existence is as such to be as free as possible while allowing others that very same thing. But freedom is ever under siege. It is not something we are guaranteed, but something we must choose...
Right now I'm in a creative writing class. I decided that I ought to take it just because I wanted the experience, wanted to get an idea for what it was that editors would like to see and what they might cringe at. I didn't go in expecting it to be the answer to all my problems (and no one should, there is no golden medicine to save all our souls instantly). That being said, I was also hoping that the people would be respectable in their critiques. I want to preface this with the fact that...
I can’t seem to pinpoint where the voices come from. Clearly, there is much to finding them, I am not alone in this struggle. To feel self-doubt is to be human, to worry you’re alone or stupid, lost or even unlovable. Yet, just because these are human does not make them right or true. After all, we are all the same, yet we are all different. I might fear isolation, yet I still push myself towards it. What for, you might ask. For the same reasons we all fear parts of ourselves. Because we...
I’m having a not-so-unique crisis in regards to writing lately that can be broken down into two issues. Not to get all analytical in this, but they look a little something like this: 1. In trying to write every day it’s transforming into almost a chore and 2. I can’t tell if I ought to be writing fiction or if I’m better off in the world of academia. I think the second one is way easier to look at for me mostly because I’ve struggled with it for years. As students in the public schooling...
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