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An average day with my family..... They piss me off

Don't bother reading this self loathing garbage. It's more of a record on how I'm feeling right now. Not a post.

Just yesterday I had a semi decent day despite listening to even more arguments. and by semi decent I mean to the standards of an average American living with a respectable family it still would have been a terrible day.

[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]It's [COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]4PM[/COLOR][COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]. My mom has been yelling, slamming doors and talking about a divorce she doesn't have the guts to go through with since 9:30 this morning.[/COLOR][/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I didn't sleep well once again. It's becoming a serious problem. A problem my doctors can't fix. It's Monday and I normally volunteer today. I almost didn't go but they actually called me which rarely ever happens. So I went even though I was sleep deprived.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]My moms an idiot. She bought me a spring jacket and called it a winter coat. It snowed today and I chose two sweaters over the jacket. It's so small I can't even zip it up if I have the two sweaters on. If that's not an obvious sign it's the wrong size then I don't know what is. She didn't like that I left wearing only the two sweaters and gloves. Maybe I can still use the jacket in actual spring weather and not while it's snowing.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I walked in the snow. Pissed off, exhausted and cold. I didn't want a ride there or back. Not from them. I question whether or not I'm a good son. I'm starting to not care about that.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I spent 3 and a half hours volunteering. At the very least it kept me out of the house but I was so slow I felt almost useless. Still having me on a slow day is better than nobody. They were happy to have me around all the same.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]I'm home now. Moms already thrown a few fits related to my step dad. This isn't normal. I'm told everyone's family has problems. My family struggles to even BE a family. Every day I try harder and harder to get my life together or at the very least do something meaningful with my day, and every day this family only makes things difficult and for no reason. Posting this feels pointless, but I'm too pissed off and mentally drained to write anything of worth...... In fact I've never written anything " of worth ". After all this time I haven't even worked on my fantasy novel. Why should I? I'm not writing it for fun anyway. Its suppose to be a serious pursuit. What a joke.... The only thing that will become of it is it will be someone else's opportunity to make a fortune. Anyone reading this up to this point take this advice and take if seriously..... Nobody is going to help you. Everyone wants to hurt you. You can be a good person all you want but the rest of the world will only take advantage of that and exploit you.[/COLOR]
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[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961)]My letter to my doctor was sent back to me and mom has hung onto it for a whole week promising each day she'll mail it. I'm taking it from her and doing it myself tomorrow. I can walk to the post office just like I walked to the food pantry. Just like when I walked to work when I was 16 because I refuse to ask these helpless losers for anything.

I hate my family. I hate the fact that they are so perfectly dysfunctional and yet are not total scumbags. I wish they would just give me a good reason to stop giving a F*** and beat the piss out of my step dad. I hate that I have to be mindful of the fact that they aren't completely messed up, even though they've literally ruined my life in a few different ways. I hate it here. I hate my family. I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate faking being a good person. I hate everything. That's not the lack of sleep either. Everything is getting old. People have told me I need to find better things to do with my day. Today I did and the day has still gone completely wrong anyway. Tomorrow I'm staying home, staying in my room with the door locked, staying in my bed and gonna sleep all day and while I'm at it I might put a new hole in one of these piece of shit walls.


There is no value in comparing dysfunctional families or step-parents and the like. There is not much point in letting you know that others have been where you are now or worse. And there is no upside to telling you our mistakes or experiences so that you can learn from them. No. You have your own path to travel.

The only question is how much you take control of your life or how much life controls you. Age doesn't matter. Every day, you make choices and bear the consequences. Every day. You.

I wish you the best outcomes from the choices you make.

Good things.
You are a fortunate man! You know what is important, you know what is inappropriate behavior. You know all the things to avoid and which ones to cherish. Your family taught all the things not to be. The stuff that matters you really do have it figured out, you might not have learned it the best way or the way you would have chosen, but you did learn it. As a young guy starting out this life you have the ability to make sure that those that follow you have the chance to learn the same values through a different way.

You are not the only one to learn life's lives lessons in this fashion, there are far more of us than you realize... No sympathy here buddy, but I do wan to make sure you take advantage of the hand you have been dealt.
Sometimes we need to do that, to get it out so that it doesn't keep dominating our time and thoughts. Especially when we are trapped in places that don't provide that security and support we need to make good things happen. But Life, or Fate, or Karma, or whatever we choose to call it does provide opportunities. The trick is to see them when they happen and grab on without fear or regret.

Three months ago, I would not have dreamed that I would be sitting on the opposite side of my country (Oz) spending time with a girl I fell in love with nearly forty years ago. I would have scoffed if anyone told me then I would be here, and so happy to be here, right now.

My life has been full of such moments and opportunities, but I didn't always see them at the time. If you see an opportunity to change your life for something better, grab it.

good things.
playerslayer666;bt8200 said:
Thank you everyone for the support. I was getting worried I've been posting to much negative garbage.

it's never too much if it helps.
You're not alone.
Bring it on.
you can pick your friends but not your family.....it's often those closest to you that will hurt you the most....maybe your experiences,emotions will shape you..make you/break you...but the choice will be yours...

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