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A positive outlook.

I've been without medication for awhile now, and I'm really starting to feel it.

I mention how I used to be worse. Around when I was 14, I was extremely negative, before I started trying to better myself.

It's a simple solution, just a lack of brain chemicals. Others with depression have to struggle much more.

I fight it with more positive stimuli.

I get grumpy when I'm hungry. My diet has improved, and I'm eating more often.

Singing has many positive benefits. I've memorized hundreds of songs, and sing practically wherever I go.

And of course, laughing. The positive benefits of laughter are many. I watch funny videos, mostly. Youtubers, the like.

But, whenever I have to do anything serious, that negative outlook is hard to fight.Any challenge. Be it a hard game, studying, cleaning... clicks me back into that outlook.

I don't like it. I feel cold, the only warmth being anger. Like a robot only programmed to get mad, and nothing else. I can do these things, and remind myself that this mentality is only a deficiency that will soon be solved. I improved myself alot. But now it's a matter of accepting that I can't do it alone. That I need help.

Just another few days before my appointment. I'll get whatever works, and actually talk to a professional.

Being as self aware as I am, it helps. But as I mentioned before, there's a fatigue that comes with always winding yourself up.

It's a weight I'll be glad to throw off, and move on. Life, I believe, still has more to offer.Sure, now I'm lonely. But that's half circumstance, which you can't change, and half my own fault, which will change soon.

I feel good about the future.

But, I feel compelled to apologize. Just to anyone who might hear. I can be irritating to be around, and when I feel bad I go on rants and raves about things that don't really matter. But that will change very soon.

Besides, when I'm not alone anymore... It won't be any good if I'm still a grump. Gotta work on myself first.

Comments

Food, the mood alterer... sort of un-charted, uh? Well, I've suffered the wrath of the Khan-ess enough to know it. Just get some food in her and all is well. Jr. remarked the other day that he could feel the effects as he went from irritated at all, to somewhat at peace. Took about twenty minutes he said.

Apologies about rants and such... yeah, I apologize too, for being human. I get a good laugh at myself quite often. oh, Kevin, sometimes you're the dooshiest'... why thank you, I do try...
 
man depression is there deep inside of you..only you can control it..after the drugs there is still the days alone with yourself..you have to find some way of holding it at bay..some it's drugs,booze and self harm..you see man it's your journey and only you will ever reach a point to say i think i'm ok..yeah there will be times when you think i've done it..then bam!!..like a tornado it arrives and destroys all that energy...and man it zaps your energy..mental fatigue is so exhausting...you know were you look at a kettle or a toaster and just can't deal with it so you go without...just try and hold on man.keep reaching inside you to pull yourself up out and free..man i feel for you and can't give you any answers just to say if you survive it you were one strong person who just never got it then..stay safe man
 
Don't worry Crow, I too get grumpy when hungry, and can turn into a real beach if hungry long enough ;)

Joking aside, you know we're proud of your progress, and we're always here if you need someone to talk to! Get up, walk with head up, pointing the sky, like you deserve all the good things awaiting you, because you do! Positivity will lead you far ;) F yeah attitude is not such a bad one! ;)
 
Well...I guess it might help to say that I have depression also. But I don't take med's for it ever.

The problem I think people who have depression have is that they believe it is abnormal and try to fight it. One of the most damging things they do is they try to force themselves to be happy in a number of ways. This leads to a false sense of identity. A false high followed by a crippling low when crushed by reality. You don't see people handing out mood enhancers for women on their period or during pregnancy, do you? Hopefully not. Please say no... 8-[

Consider yourself a person with seasons. Consider that you can't control the weather, BUT you can prepare for it. For one, don't be ashamed about who you are. You get dperessed. Don't depress yourself even more about being depressed. On thing I'v found is that during my depressing moods, I try to talk to my thoughts in a way. The more I did this, the more I realized these thoughts were, indeed, like seasons in that they wweren't necessarily me, but like an overcast that came over me. Something I had to trudge through. In a way, you separate yourself from the dpression. Another thing is that when I'm depressed, I don't look for things to make me happy, I just look to work on other things to keep me distracted from it. Things I need to do. Things that aren't fun, sometimes, but necessary. Interesting enough, I realized that I was much more cynical and critical when depressed. It makes e snappy at others, sometimes, but it also allowed me to do some personal house cleaning of my affairs as well. it seemed to put me in a more practical mood to handle the more mundane things in life.

And when it's over, it feels like summer has broken out from the winter and you can enjoy life until the season changes again.

I'm not sure if this will help or it sounds insane, but I've found that with psychological issues, it's a poor option to medicate yourself, a poor habit to villify or condemn yourself, and to work with rather than force or overpower the situation.

Best of luck, mate.
 

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Crowley K. Jarvis
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