I mention how I used to be worse. Around when I was 14, I was extremely negative, before I started trying to better myself.
It's a simple solution, just a lack of brain chemicals. Others with depression have to struggle much more.
I fight it with more positive stimuli.
I get grumpy when I'm hungry. My diet has improved, and I'm eating more often.
Singing has many positive benefits. I've memorized hundreds of songs, and sing practically wherever I go.
And of course, laughing. The positive benefits of laughter are many. I watch funny videos, mostly. Youtubers, the like.
But, whenever I have to do anything serious, that negative outlook is hard to fight.Any challenge. Be it a hard game, studying, cleaning... clicks me back into that outlook.
I don't like it. I feel cold, the only warmth being anger. Like a robot only programmed to get mad, and nothing else. I can do these things, and remind myself that this mentality is only a deficiency that will soon be solved. I improved myself alot. But now it's a matter of accepting that I can't do it alone. That I need help.
Just another few days before my appointment. I'll get whatever works, and actually talk to a professional.
Being as self aware as I am, it helps. But as I mentioned before, there's a fatigue that comes with always winding yourself up.
It's a weight I'll be glad to throw off, and move on. Life, I believe, still has more to offer.Sure, now I'm lonely. But that's half circumstance, which you can't change, and half my own fault, which will change soon.
I feel good about the future.
But, I feel compelled to apologize. Just to anyone who might hear. I can be irritating to be around, and when I feel bad I go on rants and raves about things that don't really matter. But that will change very soon.
Besides, when I'm not alone anymore... It won't be any good if I'm still a grump. Gotta work on myself first.