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a huge family of unknowns.

Been debating on deleting some of my negative and hateful posts. I use to think it should stay as a record of how I'm feeling at that point in time, but some of it is literally pure 100% raging out, and is that really something I want to keep around?....

i find myself resenting my parents for a handful of things, but I've heard so many horrible stories of truly bad parents and it makes my " problems " look normal. Everyone wishes their parents were more awesome somehow. There's only a small percentage of kids/people who love their parents as they are even with their flaws and "issues"...... Or am I wrong? Are there more good parents out there then I realize? Most of the people I've met in my life are crazy, white trash, incompetent, a dead beat bum and even child abusers. No that's not an exaggeration.

At the very least most of the " child abusers " are old, dead or dying. All of which are on my moms side of the family. With them as role models it's no wonder so many of my aunts and uncles are losers. I wish I could say it's not their fault. I wanna give them some kind of credit. Truth is I don't know my moms side of the family well enough to credit them for anything good.

I don't know my dads family at all either which is super annoying beyond words. And no it's not because of anything normal. It's not because we just don't see each other. It's not because we or they are too busy. It has nothing to do with anything other than my dad had to be adopted by one of my aunts. A woman I called nanny. As well as an uncle who was an asshole that I never met. I suppose I can just call him asshole. He's the reason why my father turned out to be such a shitty parent. What I can't wrap my mind around is what does him being adopted have to do with anything? He's still their biological brother/cousin. Did my dad do something wrong? Is there something about him I don't know? He's been cut from the family to the point that they even took away his inheritance his biological father left him.

i wanted to write about life experiences and instead I'm talking about my parents problems. I have no right to discuss or write about any of this, yet it has a lot to do with why my life has turned to shit.....

Comments

It's fucking awesome that in this day and age we can honestly talk about things that in the past were swept under the carpet.

There are good families out there- people that are kind and considerate toward each other. I'm in one, but I didn't come from one. All ( and I mean it) of our friends are that way, too. They all forgo doing selfish, disruptive/destructive things in place of creating a stable, 'safe' place, a supportive home. None of us are perfect, but still...

Get a counselor, get a therapist. Not because you're wacky, but to sort through it. Being Family-dysfunctional is no way to go through life. A trained expert can point things out that you never thought of, give you insights.

Nothing's a guarantee- A couple of our friends' kids are still flopping around, doing stupid shit- but others are on their way to happy, well adjusted lives. There is such a thing.
 
666,
Here is as good a place as any, if not better than most, to air one's grievances. You'll receive sensible considered responses, which i think helps to acquire a more balanced perspective, and no-one judges anybody else.
Also, it's tough being a parent.

Good luck,

dither...
 
Writing it down as you have done has to be a reasonable course of action. It may help to talk it through with an impartial observer - maybe a therapist.
NaNoWriMo was a good opportunity for me to finally give such things some air. Well over 30,000 words and I've barely got to puberty. Just another 45 years or so to go.
Something I did find (way before NaNoWriMo) was that much of the resentment was a way of hiding guilt. Once I realised that I had done nothing (or very little, at any rate) to feel guilty about, the resentment eased.
It has all left me feeling very destabilised though, so I'm trying to be gentle on myself right now.
 

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