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A death-mask...

I broke my arm last year, found myself unable to shave, not that i was ever unduly concerned about such a pain in the arse chore, allowed the beard to take sway and decided that i quite liked it and still do. It beats the hell out of having to shave anyway. One less thing to bother with. I like not bothering.
There has been some leg-pulling at work but all well intended and then last week somebody said to me, " you look as though you live in Alaska fighting the grizzlys, I'll take some Salmon off you if you get any."
Lol! Well I thought it was funny and yes it really did happen.
I got to thinking about it, I like how it looks, if I were to die tomorrow it's how I'd like to be remembered and I'd like to go to the incinerator with it. You should see how I look in the afternoons when I wake up. A front-toothless smile, not that I ever do smile, much. My hair is a mess and if you ran into me on the street you might offer to buy me a coffee or something.

Life eh?


I liked the title of this blog which had some interesting means to understanding some life predicaments and consequences. I saw it as a poetic means and account of thinking about one's life and even has a motivation for the words you quite fitted your blog like a mask. Stay strong willed, and don't feel dispirited. If anything I enjoy metaphoric takes on life. We can all take a joke, or a jab or try at understanding life as if it were a sort of cosmos. I once used a mask metaphor in a story. It makes for a nice motif.
I think about death, MY death, a lot nowadays. I've never really liked my life but lacked the nerve to do anything about it and now the end could be just around the corner and I worry about that. How/when will it happen? Will it hurt? Will I suffer a long lingering illness? etc.
I hear of people dying and they're younger than me.I look over my shoulder for the guy with the scythe.
Sorry to hear that. My aunt is suffering from a long-term disease that is uncurabe. What she does is she tries to think of it as little as possible and goes on with her disease not thinking of it as much as possible or conditions. It makes her look strong. It's a trait she has. She's very religious and thinks about doing anything that can stop her from thinking about it. Let's say she doesn't read about her disease more than she should, and just gives her mind a break. A much-needed one so that she can feel relaxed. She likes to forget about it and ignore it. That way she does not feel depressed. She may not talk about her problems and what I am trying to say is that she looks strong because of it. It's an ideology she has that is unique to her. In other words, she makes it her priority not to think about it and this is a way she goes about doing so makes her rebound from life. Not thinking about it keeps her from feeling depressed, and she lives with a deadly illness and is alive more so by living a normal life. Mentally she seems very strong. She probably feels better since she helps my grandmother, and we have a family that she is concerned about helping. These are my impressions of her behavior, and it's how I'd like to have my worst concerns. Rejecting the negative feelings and thoughts is what I would like to do, and changing and transforming to becoming a better person because of it.
I try not to think of anything much beyond working and paying the bills but as I get older... well...

I wish there was more to my life and that's so selfish but I feel so unfulfilled. I've let it all drift aimlessly by and now here I am.
Dith... I'm reminded of my 1st introduction to French philosophy(post-modernistnihilistfuckidunno--). It was by my French-1 teacher (who was Armenian, but called himself Turkish) while explaining the word "distracions" or something like that ( can't remember if it is exact) which meant like an amusement park type activity, but basically he sort of side-mentioned that the word came from the French philosophical-after-ww1...eh ... 'school' (?), the idea that 'we're all trying to stay distracted from the fact that we're going back nothingness soon enough (destined for dying)' , sort of a countdown, which I got (despite my immature brain, being 15 or so), and which I found...eh, 'disconcerting' to say the least. Horrified, I was...I don't think any of my classmates paid any attention, but talk about a buzzkill on life in general. I'm afraid I'm one of those that the old religion thing does nothing for me.
I don't get religion either.

I just feel so empty like what the hell was it all for?

When I get around to reading the book maybe the zen monk will help me/ guide me. We'll see.
Yeah, post-modernism and nihilism are a buzzkill in general.

Anyway, thanks for the read dither! Hope that reading that book helps. Religion isn't for everybody, including me.
Buzz is a pleasant feeling. Buzzkill that which stops a pleasant feeling

As to dying. Im looking forward to an adventure

"Now i get to find out"

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