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Another meeting.

I swear, they must try to find the dumpiest, dirtiest places. The rent must be cheap ( if they're paying rent). I can't say where it was, but let's just say that I wouldn't want to be there after a certain hour. The time of the meeting was bad enough. We do these things at night because some people have day jobs- 'covers' they call them- and the rest went along, though She -'E' had argued about it one time.

I'm not saying her name. At another meeting some people were calling each other by their names sometimes (like they already knew each other) and the others got really pissed off about the lack of security, and so we have to remind them every so often: No Names!

There seems to be lots of arguments. 'E' said its because when you get to specifics, the time for veils goes away. I have no idea what that means. She said because we're getting close to the time we have to risk things, talk about them openly.

And later.. I'm going to delete this part...
something happened which I can't understand. ( delete this later! ) It was right as the meeting broke up and I was nervous about getting back to my car, that I might get mugged or held up, and every dark place I thought there was someone going to come out with a gun pointed.

I was walking my fastest back to my car and I heard someone coming, or more like following. I didn't want to run or show panic, so I just kept looking ahead. I got to my car and I couldn't get the key in the lock quick- I dropped them and then heard that whomever it was already right there behind me.

It was her, and she had that look, like a scowl, or disapproval, and all she said was "You're going to drive me." Like I didn't have a say so?

Like she says it, and I'm supposed to do it?!

I feel... intimidated I think is the word. Like really, I don't have a choice. I wanted to say something, but I just drove.

We went to some house way out in the valley, and I don't think it was hers; there was a hide-a-key, and the place was with a lot of stuff- someone's house- like a family, and I was really thinking she might actually kill me there.

I was really embarrassed- I hate her- but she first told me to sit, wait there, and then she brought glasses and with alcohol- whiskey I think- or Jack Daniels or something- which I don't drink! and said drink it all, which I did. I think she drank hers. I don't know, they were dark cups, like coffee mugs, and I didn't know what it was until I drank some. She might've had an empty one for all I know.

I can't even write this down.

After that she didn't say anything, and I pretty much just laid there, and I guess a few minutes after she came back in, and said it was time for me to go. I got dressed and left.

I had to figure out where to go which was nuts/crazy- I had no idea- and the drinks, but I ended up on a freeway that I knew which way I lived, so I drove, and I made it.

I'm totally confused, and maybe mad, because this wasn't anything I did. She did it all. Like I had no choice. It's going to be so weird at the next meeting.

I gotta delete this one.

I'm so f...ing confused.



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