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#15 thoughts outloud


The police called me. I didn't know how they got my number. They said they needed to get a statement from me. I was in such a panic I didn't ask what for. All I could do was say 'fuck- fuck-fuck...' I assumed that I was going down.

They asked to come over and I said no, I'd go there.

Imagine, like walking into gestapo headquarters on my own?! They can't kill you, I told myself. Yah, but they could lock my ass up for... Fuck-fuck-fuck. Anyway, I did it, like I didn't have a choice- they would come get me. What if I ran? I'd just moved into the new place, and I'd have to quit my job (my day job)? Fuck it, I went down there.

Turns out the coffee shop where I was leaving the papers had a video of my being assaulted, and one of the three guys got arrested for a different assault.

A person that works there knew me. She used to be a client (which gave me jolt later, thinking about that) and I must've given her my new address and my phone number which is weird because I don't remember giving her them.

The cops had both, but were totally not interested in anything about me, just what happened to me. They didn't show me the video, which I wanted to see, but asked me to tell exactly what happened and that was simple to remember.

So, they just wanted my statement and are prosecuting my case as well! That's all it was for! I was freaking.

Anyway, I would never have pressed charges on my own, and I don't want to go testify.
They said it's not you pressing charges and probably the case - both prosecutions- would be plea-dealed out (however they say it), it would not go to court, and I wouldn't have to testify, anyway. With my statement and the rest (the video) he (the guy who assaulted me) would not choose a trial.

Okay, so I did it (told them what happened) signed a thing which I didn't really want to do, but it would look suspicious if I didn't, and because I did not want them asking me anything about anything in my personal life, considering my real source of income, like "Why don't you want to co-operate?"

So I did.

I was sitting in my car, my car with the broken f-ing window (still haven't got it fixed yet) after, and I had to get out of there, but I... fucking broke down. I was in my car shaking and crying like a scared little kid.
Fuck. What am I doing?

Anyway, I'll get through it. I know this doesn't look good- makes me look weak. I can always delete. It never happened.



Next time you need to talk to the cops, just remember two words: Kaiser Soze.
The rest will come back to you.

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