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#10- thoughts outloud


I don't know but I think she's some kind of attorney.
I mean "E" of course.

She's very secretive, and she basically told me I ask too many questions. I guess the less I know the better just in case I get arrested or something.

Speaking of which, I'm going to have to move again. The neighbor's are getting suspicious- as they do- wondering about all the traffic.

Sometimes I think about how I could do it differently- like I make all deliveries instead of them coming to me, or, that I might just stop selling- which I have tried, but nothing seems to make me as much. I always have a day job, but I've never had a high paying job, so I always come back to it.

Anyway, I got to move again, new neighbors... This'll be move # 3 this year, which is annoying, but one thing it has done is it's made me get rid of a lot of stuff. I'm unencumbering myself I guess you could say. Spellcheck says I said that wrong, but so what?

That's not what I wanted to talk about, anyway...

E came- she called me first- then showed up- There's a meeting, she said.
No one told me. Wth?

I was confused ( she's always doing that to me, confusing me, I guess even scaring me? Wth is that about?) There was no meeting that I knew about, and I worried that perhaps they had not bothered to let me know.
I got really uptight about that - felt like shit, rejected.

We drove and I was barely noticing her car which was surprisingly... expensive(?). I don't know what I expected, maybe some p.o.s. beater, you know, like 'down '; not some rich-bitch car.

I wasn't thinking too much about that- more about like if they didn't really want me there, and then I show up anyway?

It's happened, before. There's been others kicked out/ shunned, I don't know... like everyone else knew, except me, and I guess maybe the person, who came anyway, and then they were there, and they had this big screaming match. I've seen it. One person even said they would come back and blow us all away.

That's what he said "...blow you all away." And he was practically frothing at the mouth. I liked him but he was out. He must've said or did something. They said don't ask.

'Backfighting' , is that what you call it? It doesn't sound right, but basically they decided- the group- and he was out. I wasn't part of that, but I was there when the rest happened.

He never did come back; never shot us all.

So now it was me maybe, going to be told to leave- at least that's what I thought. I was wondering what I'd done, what I'd said, and then we were there, me following after her in some not-so- bad neighborhood this time, into some apartments, knock on the door, and it was a meeting, but not our meeting, another group, a 'rival-'

Shit. So I was cavorting (consorting, I know...) with the enemy?
We'd talked about it- this- 'other groups', but not us, and how they could be the most dangerous thing.
They could turn us in, they could...

I didn't say much. She said "He's with me-" and that was enough. They all knew her and pretty much there was a speaker lecturing on basic ideology, nuances and how it pertained to the country's particular situation.

Like I said, I just listened, and then after people clapped- which is weird cause there were only like ten people, ten of us- and then someone had made coffee - which was weird again, because we never do that at our meetings -make coffee- we just leave- by ourselves or in small groups that are friends or whatever; me, always by myself.

There was one guy there staring - actually mad dogging, me, the whole time the speaker was going.

I got the feeling he was upset because she'd brought me. I got it. Maybe she'd made him drive somewhere, too, before, and...
So he was jealous .

At one point after the speaker, she went up and talked to him, but then walked away like he was nothing.

She left me there like I was nothing, holding my coffee. I felt out of place; like I was nothing.
Then this stink-eye douchebag comes up to me.
I was ready if he wanted a fight.

I'm Rick, he says. It's a fake name, so don't worry...
Fuck you, Rick, I'm not worried.
I say Hi, whatever.
He said I never seen you before.
I said I never been here...

Then she came and grabbed my arm like up, behind the elbow/ I'm just her prisoner, and we left. "Don't mention this at the other group", she said. I said I wouldn't. Now we're traitors, or infiltrators, or something, I don't know what. Two groups.

Then we drive to that house again. The nice one with the family pictires, and no one home.

After, she took me home.

Towards the greater future.
I will speak again.



They all knew her and pretty much there was a speaker lecturing on basic ideology, nuances and how it pertained to the country's particular situation...

And what "particular situation" may that be?

Seriously, is this Scientology? I'll call Leah Remini for ya. We go way back. To Queens. And y'all can have The Talk.
Winston;bt14635 said:
And what "particular situation" may that be?

Seriously, is this Scientology? I'll call Leah Remini for ya. We go way back. To Queens. And y'all can have The Talk.

Particular? Our situation, with its own problems. A general sense of disunion has been nearly 100% achieved, a lack of hope for the future: almost, but a general desperation- at all levels ( except the 1% who are uneffected) is not yet there. Demoralization has done well, but is incomplete. To move forward we need to break the systems; overload them.

Scientology- though to be admired, LRH lacked a certain world vision. His goal was not equality, Justice, it was creating a separate, self-propelled system based on a lie: religion. Substituting myths of micro-alien infection for traditional Judeo/Christian life-after myths still requires a leap of faith- a disconnect from the real issues holding us all back from The Greater Future. We are so past that...

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