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  1. Preference

    I'm sorry,
    I was just being polite.
    If I had my preference,
    I wouldn't talk to you at all.
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  2. this time, differently...

    by , February 25th, 2020 at 04:29 AM (Stillborn Thoughts)
    i used to be a very competitive person. i needed to win games or else i felt a hollowness, something along the lines of having wasted my time. i would compete to complete solo games faster than other people. i would compete with myself, setting unrealistic expectations and demanding results. i was, in short, unhealthy.

    i attribute some of this to my parents, you’ll see me do this for some time. i do not place the burden of blame solely upon them, i still acted in this way for some time
    ...

    Updated February 25th, 2020 at 04:42 AM by Greyson

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  3. letting it out

    by , February 24th, 2020 at 03:41 PM (Stillborn Thoughts)
    (edit: this is from 2.14.20, took a while to figure out how to publish).

    hi all. back again with another installment. I get out of work early on Fridays – 11 am – which makes up some for the four, 10-hour days prior. today was somewhat difficult for me.

    I tend to be really bad at processing anger. I repress and ignore it until I blow up at something or (unfortunately) someone. I’ve grown more adept at releasing it safely through sublimation techniques (ie playing a game ...
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  4. I want it now!

    What?
    I ordered my product yesterday
    and it's not here yet?
    and another product won't be here
    until Tuesday!

    Why can't they just work harder?
    Or smarter.
    That's it: work smarter--not harder.
    I want my product
    now!

    Then again,
    it wouldn't be that big a deal
    if I had to wait a few days.
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  5. Connect-ti-cut competition . Extreme reading hazard

    My outside is but a shell. My innards are the real inside part, outside of me is the real-but-falsely attributed to as to what I'm actually which is so so important to all of you- my inner whole being- in that your stabbing, slaughtering, oppression of references, your how dare you see and refer to what you think is obvious for thousands of years of evolution shows you- seeing with your eyes, is but a figment.

    That apple that makes you think Adam but I'm really Eve, how dare you? ...
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  6. a snowstorm is brewing

    by , February 19th, 2020 at 05:10 PM (Stillborn Thoughts)
    Today, I’m struggling not just to find motivation, but to remember positivity. Something about this job is crushing, but then so were many of my other jobs. It leaves me wondering where the problem lies: in the job or in me?

    This line of thought of course doesn’t lend itself to a great mindset. Anytime i put myself in the cross-hairs, I tend to feel frustrated and confused. Often it culminates in a sense of overwhelming anxiety, anger, or sadness. The way forward isn’t clear, and despite ...

    Updated February 20th, 2020 at 12:16 AM by Greyson

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  7. Contests and Awards

    I'm celebrating an unexpected victory at the moment. Trying to grasp what happened. I was just informed that my book Screamcatcher: Web World took first place in the N. N. Light Book Awards contest for best Young Adult novel of 2019. Not a huge event, nor a teeny one either. I must have been auto-entered in this running because I had no idea such a platform was part of their yearly program. I take it that about 1,750 books in 25 categories/genres were considered because of their highest reviews. ...
  8. Major Rant to Mr. Marketing Guru

    Hello, Mr. Sales Marketing Guru. (I’ve got a bone to pick with you).


    Since you continually besiege me with your adverts, I thought it was time I responded to your claims and declarations.


    As an opening salvo, I will tell you right now that I’m not interested in any pay-for-review services. No matter how you disguise or slice it with claims of guaranteed reviews and sales, you cannot convince me that your costly services are worth these extravagant ...
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  9. Storn Dennis hits the UK


    Asmy eardrums bend under the tumultuous cacophony of the wind, as the windowpanes sag against the relentless, machine gun rattle of the driven rain, as thenearby river roars ominously, pluming high against its piers, I lie, tossingand turning, tormented by the thought ...who called it Dennis?Before the 24hr news cycle demanded drama from the everyday,it would just have been the bad weather you can expect in winter.

    But if you’re going to assign a name to the awesome power ...
    Tags: storms
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  10. Darkness

    What are the consequences of sitting on your hands?
    Democracy doesn't just die in darkness;
    it dies on television with nobody doing anything.
    Enough of this.
    We can't just sit by and watch it happen.

    ~ Inspired by Elizabeth Warren
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  11. an unexpected return

    by , February 12th, 2020 at 03:37 AM (Stillborn Thoughts)
    greetings all. it has been some time and in it, i have changed. for one, i’m terrible at uppercasing now. I just don’t unless, as was the case there, it is forced upon me. can’t win them all. but far more has changed than just my grammar (is that grammar?).

    I went to graduate school for philosophy and found that I didn’t love it. what I had dedicated some four years of my life to, and my predicted future, turned out to be a mirage I’d created for myself. so, I went wandering.
    ...

    Updated February 20th, 2020 at 12:23 AM by Greyson

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  12. New Year's Eve in the Arctic Circle

    We’re staying in a beautifullog cabin, which is part of a resort complex, about an hour’s drive from Tromso.One of the activities they offer is a dogsledding experience. I did this someyears ago and my wife has always been keen to give it a go, so we booked.

    It was cancelled twice due to weatherconditions but, at 3.00pm on New Years eve, they told us they’d run anothertrip. This was a bit of a surprise. At 3.00pm, in these parts, night fell anhour ago. It is pitch black, snowing quite ...
    Tags: arctic
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  13. Ode to Adam Driver

    Hey, Adam Driver,
    The '70s called...
    they want their haircut back!
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  14. Shoes fly from the window, careen for crosswalks

    by , February 6th, 2020 at 04:43 AM (This Is Where Some Things Are Kept)
    Quote Originally Posted by Space Cadet View Post
    My neighbor—I call him The Mensch—appears to be a bit drunk this


    morning. But instead of getting antsy with boredom and chain smoking until


    falling asleep in his deck chair like he usually does, it looks as if he’s trying to


    tie a falling ivy vine to his railing, to give it some guidance, I suppose, as to


    where it should continue to forge on from the second floor…and beyond! I

    ...
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  15. Fantasy works

    I'm not much of a fantasy reader
    or science fiction, for that matter.
    Reality is disturbing enough for me.

    Fantasy is just, like meh, that's nothing;
    Did you read the news today?

    Times are bad, but times are always bad
    according to the news media.

    But this is the first time in my lifetime
    that half the country believes the president
    is above the law.

    That would make him dictator.

    I need another drink. ...
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  16. memories, ghosts from the past.

    Looking back, way back, it's not something that I am wont to do and I most certainly do not do " rose tinted specs " memories, damn them, like ghosts, you can't always see them but they're there and when they choose to haunt, there's not a lot you can do about it.

    All through my teens and well into adulthood I spent a lot of time outdoors, shooting fishing camping-out. I did a lot of walking and so friendships were often short-lived. When we were young, oh man, when we were ...

    Updated February 14th, 2020 at 06:24 PM by dither

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  17. Wash the upper portions, thoroughly. - a po-em. Extreme WARNING!!

    And what are those ? Undetermined, unutterable, pale-obsolescence asked at the entire school on the stringer.
    Why, those are stunned pansy-fish.
    They don't look like pansy fish.
    Well, they are now.
    And what is that being applied to their... lower portions?
    We're candying them- makes them more pliable; 'tender'. I see that look, mister. And you just better watch it.
    Apparently, that's already my error.
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  18. The power of words...

    I posted in here earlier about my reading crime novels and how I so enjoyed getting to know the main characters and how their creators made them seem so real. Reading the final few chapters when all the weird stuff finally comes together, the bad guys get caught and good triumphs over evil, for me, is so uplifting.

    I just started reading A TALE FOR THE TIME BEING by RUTH OZEKI and, although I've barely scratched the surface, it's affecting me in such a way that is difficult to describe. ...
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  19. The Youth of Today

    I went into London yesterday, for a meal with my son and his girlfriend, and to attend a debate at the Royal Geographic Society. I was pretty grumpy about the prospect, but it turned out both enjoyable and to have some good life lessons. Most things do if you let them.

    The event was a debate of the motion “To Stop Climate Collapse, We Must End Capitalism.” Proposing were George Monbiot (a left wing journalist and author) and Farman Yamuna (an environmental lawyer and leading light in ...
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  20. Spring Cleaning

    Free.
    8088 programming book.
    Pre-disillusionment edition.

    Updated January 31st, 2020 at 08:47 AM by Irwin

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  21. The Unjustifiable

    I think that I shall never see
    something as ugly
    as the sycophants and lawyers
    trying to justify the unjustifiable.
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  22. Hero Worship

    Didja hear Kobe Bryant died?

    I’ve commented on situations like this before. I just don’t get it. I have nothing against our dearly departed “friend”, or any of the countless other celebrities / public figures that die every year. I just don’t care. At all. One way or another.

    I didn’t know the man, and chances are none of you did either. I’m sure he was a stand-up guy, loving husband, devoted father. Sure, there was that 2003 incident in Colorado… sorry. Is ...
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  23. ENTOMBED published on DM du jour

    Hey guys! Just wanted to say that a short story I wrote a couple months back has been published here, on Danse Macabre's daily blogpost. It's a violent, claustrophobic, sweat-stained horror story. I never shared it here, so if you've enjoyed my writing in the past, check it out!

    Thanks,

    -B4B
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  24. Haven't been around much in January

    So, I haven't been around much in January..... I had the first cataract surgery on the 7th of January and my vision has been poor, because one eye is blurry and if I wear my glasses to correct that vision the now "good" eye is out of focus because the corrective lens throws the vision out of wack on the post-cataract implanted lens eye, and no, popping the lens out of the glasses doesn't work well as my lenses are progressives and I get double vision from trying to see out of them that ...
    Tags: blog, journal
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  25. Defense

    He didn't do it,
    and even if he did it,
    it's not illegal,
    and even if it is illegal,
    it doesn't warrant removal,
    and even if it does rise to that level,
    they're only doing it because they hate him.

    The defense rests.
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