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  1. I am not a poet.

    Despite having been practically raised by a poet and having taken a poetry class less than a year ago (which I signed up for with the express purpose of overcoming my disdain for it), I just can't wrap my mind around it. I reached the poetry section in my creative writing class several days before Thanksgiving and I have yet to complete an entire poem. I go back and forth from being confused and insecure to loathing the form and spewing snarky judgmental accusations at it to whoever will listen. ...
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  2. Darkness.

    I realized a while ago that I'm mortally terrified of going blind. My hearing is fine. Selective, because I tune things out, but I can hear when I focus. My vision has always been 20/20. I can see every color perfectly.

    Darkness has always scared me. Not darkness itself, but, what could be within it. I'm content when my eyes adjust. Once they do, even the soft green light of my alarm clock seems bright. If I needed to, I could still see. React.

    If I went blind, I have ...

    Updated December 8th, 2015 at 05:47 AM by Crowley K. Jarvis

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  3. I live still.

    It takes a lot of coping to run a successful business.

    Overall, the sacrifice tends to outweigh the rewards for a very long time.

    Point is that nothing comes easy except for a gift.

    And most gifts suck. >>

    Just like most businesses SUCK.

    Anyway, with a lot of Gin and marijuana I persist and continue to persist with only a smartphone at my disposal to manage my ENTIRE LIFE.

    So I'm back here for a little ...
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  4. Depression ll

    My wife has often told me that I go through life like a leaf on the wind; life, wherever it takes me. It's a defense mechanism, I just let life happen. It has its drawbacks, and depression is one of them.

    Things happen to me, rather than going forth and making them happen, then it snowballs into regret and depression. Yet when I try to do things, they often backfire and things get worse. I do have a problem not learning from my mistakes.

    So often I feel useless. ...
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  5. Plans and thoughts.

    I got two days off. Hooray.

    So, I'm too tired of thinking, I'm making plans. We all make plans of course, but this time, I'm done procrastinating.

    I need to draw more. I want to improve. Only need art mediums for that. Then I'll save up and get a tablet.

    Going to start jogging at least. But I need a pair of running shoes, since I don't have any. My boots are good for walking, but would slaughter my feet jogging.

    Working out the upper body too. ...
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  6. Jane Austen: Let me buy you a drink! And maybe take your sister to....

    So reading Jane Austen for class and, well, I said this in PM to someone:


    Too Victorian and pretty. All the gentry superficiality. I know she takes the problem with that up in Emma, but still. For all the morality, God is never mentioned, and religion is sort of a social obligation. For me it's just Victorian/1950ist (those are sort of the same superficial eras for me) tediousness. I wish some people would get murdered, or at lest punched, and we'd have some makeout scenes,
    ...

    Updated December 4th, 2015 at 10:24 AM by wainscottbl

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  7. Cutting and caring...

    Just another Sunday dither...

    Taking care of my inheritance...

    My avatar paints a pretty accurate picture having been on the go, non-stop, for around twenty four hours. I eat some, drink some, and ultimately, the house of cards which is my mind body and soul, collapses. It all falls down, or should i say "closes down"? The shutters come down and i crash. And then ,as surely as it must,morning follows night and, i don't know, maybe, well no, i don't drink a ...

    Updated November 29th, 2015 at 05:19 PM by dither

    Tags: dithering...
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  8. I donít need an apology, what I need is a rip in the space-time continuum.

    As with most of my memories, this one would have been lost if not for the good old internet. Although it horrified and depressed me back then, I appreciate it now because it allows me to see just how far I've come. My dreams are now filled with wondrous chaos and adventure and my days are mostly filled with gratitude. The gratitude thing is new - only a couple years old. It permeates my thoughts more often than not. I am grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for friends and family. I'm grateful for ...
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  9. I don't know.....

    There is this small dialogue to open a new minor character. And, I don't know. I am hoping it does not come off as artificial or fake. I'd post it on the forum, but I think it is best to let it go for now until I go back and edit later. Besides, part of it is a bit political. It's objective really, but the character is dishonest because he is a Republican. Typical accused Republican vices. Which he has, but read what you will of the idea that Republicans are all liars. Maybe he is a liar who just ...
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  10. The small things.

    "The person faithful in what is least is faithful also in much, and the person unrighteous in what is least is unrighteous also in much."

    That's Luke 16:10 of course.

    I felt as if this also applies to relationships.

    I also feel that I'm the exact opposite.

    I'll do a thousand things, no matter how tedious, tiring, or small. No matter how unnecessary or trivial a given task may seem, I am willing to do it, for others.

    But ...
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  11. From my window;

    The window that is, of my little box-room. I refer to it affectionately as, " the bunker". No not the window, the room f'chris' sakes. I call the room my bunker. Oh dear, bear with me eh. It's Sunday lunchtime and things are a little hazy, but the mist IS clearing.
    Just staying awake all day on a Saturday, having been awake since mid-afternoon and worked a Friday night-shift, outside battling the elements ( fooking cold ones at that) i won't dwell on it but well, it's tiring, ...

    Updated November 22nd, 2015 at 03:24 PM by dither

    Tags: bunker daze
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  12. Call me Fish (LiveJournal - 2004)

    Back in December 2004 I got a fish hook stuck in my finger....

    For the last couple days I've been house sitting for some friends while they're out of the country. Last night I was heading to bed a few minutes before midnight and decided to put the vacuum away. As if to mock my good spirits, a fishhook which was entangled in the vacuum cord lodged itself in my ring finger. At first I thought I had simply poked my hand on an exposed wire, so as a reflex I yanked it away, pulling the
    ...
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  13. ...What year is it!?

    My slight absence from WF thus far has been mainly due to my work/sleep schedule. I thought, surely, they must be bored by now. ;D Feel free to pop my balloon head. It's not helium, just hot air holding me up. Work has been great. Four hour shifts, easy work, occasional tips, all at above minimum wage. Being a daytime worker means I'm only there while the sun is up. 8-12, 12-4, or 1-5... hours like that.

    Everyone else there is either twice my age or close to mine.

    Once ...
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  14. Death and devotion

    When I was 17 I wrote a couple hundred pages of a novel. I was fiercely dedicated to it and because we didn't have the internet yet (it was used mainly by scholars and hackers in those days) I would go to the local library and scour the shelves for research material. It was a 20 minute walk and I would borrow my little sister's red wagon and fill it with books. It took me a couple weeks just to research for and create the fictional place which would be the setting for my story. I saved it all on ...
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  15. Abigail's blow-job;

    Storm Abigail that is.

    The Leaf-monsters, that are what remains of next doors' runner bean stalks, with they're green an yellow overcoats, partly sheltered by old Larchie, dance and sway to her tune.
    My chestnut tree with just a few remaining dark brown wizened leaves is all but bare, she seems to be winning that one. And yet, that big old Sycamore at the top of the garden seems to have barely shed a leaf. Although, on closer inspection i can see that the green colour of the leaves ...
    Tags: dithering...
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  16. Priorities

    I feel like I have an abundance of friends who are participating in NaNoWriMo and I am so envious of their motivation and productivity. I had my third child in August and have written maybe 2k words in my novel since then. I can feel my story slipping away from me at times...then I sit down at a time like right now and it all comes flooding back and I feel guilt. The same way I would feel for neglecting a close loved one. It's both depressing and reassuring. I am still in love with my story. There ...
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  17. My personal thoughts/observations about the attacks in Paris

    After reading dozens and dozens of items about the attacks on Feedly, Drudge, and BadBlue I had to post my own viewpoint of the attacks.

    In general, terrorism is war and, as Pope Francis said, we are now in WWIII!

    I also posted lots and lots of links to stories, images, and videos @ http://lvcabbie.blogspot.com
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  18. The Social Media Struggle

    The other night I'm sitting here thinking of what to do about this mess. The neighbors moved out- so the building is quiet, aside from a certain kitty making a ruckus. It's difficult to think when she's yowling.

    Of course that's not the current in a long list of complications I've had to content with over the years. It's been a battle. There has been pressure to do one thing or another with my work, to have characters be of a certain concept or another, and then finally someone new ...
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  19. My morning cups

    Billy Bob Thornton was at the donut shop this morning. The lady who serves me my muffin at 5 oísomething in the morning was asking me why I donít buy the coffee anymore, and I was going on about how I bought a 5 lb bag online and how great it is until I noticed she was no longer smiling so I shut up about it, but it is really great as I get about 400 cups of coffee for fifty bucks, and the coffee is not only much stronger and better tasting, but also less acidic, which I was able to judge by the ...
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  20. Depression

    A lot of folks here have suffered from depression, myself included - and I always try to be encouraging in my comments. Sometimes, though, I don't practice what I preach. Comes from being human, I'll admit. Like recently, coming down with sinusitis (or as I like to call it, the creeping crud) at times I feel the waves of hopelessness and uselessness cover me like a rotted blanket.

    Despite medicine, or maybe because of it, I start hating myself and my life again. Like I've often ...
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  21. Low Pressure

    Low pressure system drifting in, not enough to rain, but cold enough to put the shiver, Mondays are often called the worst. Not this one.

    Two clueless in the canyon, throwing blocks because (I have no ideaÖ), swooped Ďem at the first two passing spots, got all the way down to the site with no incidents; nothing to report.

    Will visit Building & Safety again this morning, try number 4, this time with copies of licenses (wtf?Önever had them ask for this beforeóOkay, ...
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  22. Life eh? No. 2

    When you just want to crawl into the sack and turn your back on the world for a while, but people are depending you. You can't show weakness, you have to keep going. How much longer can i do this?

    Updated November 9th, 2015 at 12:36 PM by dither

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  23. Paper finished and stuff

    Well, yep. John Locke. The question:

    In his Letter Concerning Toleration Locke says, "The commonwealth seems to me to be a society of men constituted only for the procuring, preserving, and advancing their own civil interests. Civil interests I call life, liberty, health, and indolency of body; and the possession of outward things, such as money, lands, houses, furniture, and the like."He also says this regarding ecclesiastical and civil authority, "The boundaries on
    ...
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  24. The human tongue.

    The human tongue is a wondrous thing,
    offering sweet comfort or misery.
    Not knowing the difference between

    how stupid I have always been
    and how stupid I would have to be.
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  25. Imagery. And madness. The usual.

    A swordsman with no master, no apprentice. No purpose.

    A blade, forged with radioactive fire, stoked with napalm. A blade with no sheath, and no hand to grip it. There is no resting place for it. What place is meant to hold a blade?

    A gray stray cat follows the crows, who follow the cat wherever it goes, whenever they find food they share. But about each other, they couldn't care.

    The cat is a girl, the crows are a man, two halves of a whole, a loaf of bread ...
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