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Pinocchiopiate
July 21st, 2006, 08:03 AM
Humor! Mwahaha! Ahem.

POCKET PATHOGENS

Are you suffering from a harmful disease?

Herbert: Mom, Ive got a cold!

Are you tired of being ignored because youre not quite sick enough?

Mom: Shut up, Herbert. Margie has polio, AIDS, cancer, pinkeye, AND a cold. You can just go to bed.

In this unfortunate world of tragedy, evil, disease, and Christian apologists, it may seem like you are truly sick. Remember, though, there are people less fortunate than you in the world, probably even in your hometown.

But you can be better than them! Introducing new Pocket Pathogens!

Finally, a way for you to get the attention you deserve! Simply open the protective package and remove the syringe containing the pathogens for the desired disease. Inject the pathogens into your left arm and let the fun begin!

Pocket Pathogens come in eight (and more) exciting flavors!

Rabies Raspberry!
Leprosy Lemon!
Gangrene Grape!
Acne Apple!
Chicken Pox Cherry!
Side Effects Strawberry!
Osteopor-Orange!
and Blue!
and even MORE!

Herbert: Mom, Ive got the mumps, botulism, the bubonic plague, a spastic bladder, lidocane poisoning, rheumatoid arthritis, transverse myelitis, hookworm, internal hemorrhages, a punctured lung, and diarrhea!

Mom: Oh, poor Herbert!

Margarine: But Mom, what about...

Mom: Shut up, Margie! (smack!)

Pocket Pathogens. Because you can feel absolutely horrible and still feel good about yourself.

Herbert: Ill never have to worry about being sick again! (falls to the floor, presumably dead)

Mom: "Herbert... Herbert...? HERBERT! ... Oh well... What's wrong, Margie?"

Crepuscular
July 29th, 2006, 06:26 PM
Hee hee. Pretty funny. Would be a good fake commercial on SNL.

In this unfortunate world of tragedy, evil, disease, and Christian apologists, it may seem like you are truly sick. Remember, though, there are people less fortunate (more unfortunate) than you in the world, probably even in your hometown.

But (now) you can be better (worse off) than them! Introducing new Pocket Pathogens!

ernieweaselfat
August 16th, 2006, 08:58 PM
I thought it was funny.

I especially liked:" Mom: “Shut up, Herbert. Margie has polio, AIDS, cancer, pinkeye, AND a cold. You can just go to bed.”

Aids and Cancer are pretty bad, but AIDS, Cancer AND PINKEYE?!?! That is downright dreadful.

It would be great if the actor actually spoke the trademark TM's

I think it would be great for a fake SNL commercial as well.