Sub
May 11th, 2006, 06:28 PM
This is a short comic script that I finished a few days ago and want to know what y'all think.
Enjoy!
Page 1
Panel 1: Jake—12 years old, medium height and build for his age, brown hair and eyes--is laying in bed, asleep, in his suburban northwest Austin home. It is morning
Jake caption: It happened so fast.
Panel 2: Jake waking up. He is beginning to sit up. Light is seeping in through the blinds, which are closed and fill almost the whole window.
Jake caption: I saw lots of things that scared the shit out of me. Sorry. Mommy said I shouldn't cuss.
Panel 3: Jake is climbing out of bed. He still looks very tired, and is reaching for the door.
SFX: SKRITCHSKRATCH
Jake caption: I don't think I could have survived without seeing what I saw.
Panel 4: Jake's face changing to one of curiosity as he creaks open the door.
Jake: Hello? I'm up mommy. I'll get dressed.
Page 2
Panel 1: His mother is pressing on the door, face dead and eyes staring into space. A small trickle of blood is trailing from her mouth and ears. Part of her face is unseen.
Jake: Mommy?
Mom: nnnggghh...
Panel 2: Mom barreling in as Jake lets go of the doorknob. Her face is completely visible now, and has visible burn and cut marks on it.
.
Panel 3: Jake reaching out to her, extremely apprehensive, with a distant optimism on his face.
Jake: It's gonna be okay Mommy...
Panel 3: Mom grasping Jake's hand.
Mom: NNNNNGGGGGHHHHH!
Jake: AAAHHHHH!! MOMMY! WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU!?
Jake caption: There. I knew I was going to die.
Panel 4: Jeff is off panel but is racing to the room as Jake continues his futile struggle.
Jeff: Jaaaake!
Jake caption: Jeff was alive, and apparently,...
Page 3
Panel 1: A baseball bat coming down on Mom's head, destroying it.
Jeff: Die, you bitch!
Jake caption: ...and very pissed.
Panel 2: Jeff is still standing over his mom's crushed head, looking at Jake.
Jeff: We have to leave. NOW.
Panel 3: Jeff helping Jake off the floor. Jake is still very visibly shaken. Jeff looks remorseful and on the verge of tears, but angry nonetheless.
Jeff: You okay?
Jake: ...
Page 4
Panel 1: The two brothers walking into the hall, each trying to be wary of their surroundings.
Jeff: Are you hungry?
Jake: A little.
Jeff: Get something to eat.
Jeff Caption: I was going to protect him no matter what.
Panel 2: Jake is walking through the den to the kitchen.
Jake: What happened?
Jeff: I really couldn't tell you.
Jeff: I see this light, and when I wake up, Mommy and Beau are going into your room.
Jeff: I wasn't sure if you were okay or not, but I was gonna make sure you weren't one of them.
Panel 3: Jake looking down, seeing his other brother Kevin's dead body, his head also destroyed, but from a knife buried in the skull.
Jake: I'm not hungry anymore.
Jeff: That's understandable.
Jeff: Let's just sit down for a little bit.
Jeff: Shoot the shit before we do anything.
Panel 4: Jeff walking through the den as Jake sits down at the dining room table.
Jake: This is horrible.
Jeff: You think? You really think?
Jeff: I wasn't aware you were so perceptive today.
Jake under breath: Shut up, asshole.
Jeff: Just trying to add a bit of levity.
Panel 5: Jeff sitting down next to Jake. Jeff is trying to comfort Jake.
Jeff: Look, I don't know what the fuck to make of this either.
Jeff: Only thing I know is is that I got to find Jen.
Jake: What happened?
Jeff: I just told you.
Page 5
Panel 1: Jake and Jeff are still discussing the current situation at the dining room table.
Jake: What about Jen? You just mentioned her.
Jeff: She's in San Antonio, at Lackland. I have to see if she's alright. I'm not gonna settle for not knowing if she's alive or one of these...things.
Panel 2: A look of profound panic on Jake's face. Jeff is still stoic as he reaches for a glass of orange juice.
Jake panic: WHAT? You can't leave! We don't know what's out there!
Jeff: That's the least of my concern right now, Jake.
Jeff: What I'm worried about right now is making sure you're alright and that Jen is still alive.
Panel 3: Jake becoming angry with Jeff. Jeff still shows no emotion on his face.
Jake: So you'll just go?! And expect me to follow you?
Jeff: Not what I said.
Jake: That IS what you said.
Panel 4: Jake getting up, Jeff taking a sip of the orange juice.
Jake: You just try to sound smart all of the time.
Jeff: That's me, you fucking idiot.
Page 6
Panel 1: Jake turning around, anguish and anger apparent on his face.
Jake: Do you know what's happened here?
Jeff: What kind of fucking question is that? Of course I do.
Panel 2: Jake shouting at Jeff. Jeff is getting up.
Jake: Our whole family is dead! You killed them and you didn't care!
Jeff: You really think that, you little shitwad? You think I wanted to do that?
Panel 3: Jeff pulling the knife from Kevin's head, Jake watching in mingled horror and anger.
Jeff: Do you have any fucking idea how numb I feel right now?! Did you realize I had to kill my parents and brothers and I thought I was gonna have to kill you?
Panel 4: Jeff is walking towards Jake with the knife in hand. Jeff has abject burning hatred on his face.
Jeff: Is any of this registering in your little 12 year old mind?
Panel 5: Jake is backing up as Jeff moves closer with the knife prepared to strike.
Jeff: Don't ever say anything to me about being an asshole.
Jake: Jeff, don't do it.
Page 7
Panel 1: Jeff grabbing Jake by the arm and getting ready to stab.
Jeff: Do WHAT, YOU LITTLE FUCKER? KILL YOU?!
Panel 2: Close up on Jeff's face. It is mangled with insane anger and sadness.
Jeff: What would I lose if I did? All I have is Jen and I don't know if she's still alive!
Panel 3: Jake with terrified tears in his eyes.
Jake: Don't, Jeff. I don't want to die.
Panel 4: Jeff softening a bit, the realization of what he has done is hitting him.
Jeff: What?
Jake: I don't want to die.
Page 8
Panel 1: The knife dropping from Jeff's hand.
Jeff: What did I do?
Panel 2: Jeff's face filling with tears.
Jeff: They're all dead! And I just killed them without a thought!
Jake: No, Jeff. You did what you had to do.
Panel 3: Jeff hitting his knees on the floor.
Jeff: What are we gonna do Jake?
Jake: I dunno. We just gotta stay alive.
Panel 4: A small smile on Jeff's face as he gives Jake a hug.
Jeff: Yeah. Stay alive and together.
Page 9
Panel 1: The two brothers looking at the front door to the house.
ZOMBIES: UUUUNNNNNGGHHH, AAAAAHHHHH......
Jeff: Shit. Guess the tearful Spielberg moment is over.
Jake: Yeah.
Panel 2: The zombies breaking through the door, pouring in.
Jake: Are we gonna die?
Panel 3: The backdoor window breaking, and more entering.
Panel 4: Jeff and Jake standing in the center of the living room as the zombies close in on them.
Jeff: You ready to leave?
Jake: Yeah.
Jeff: Climb on my back.
Page 10
Panel 1: Jake jumping on Jeff's back. The zombies are still lumbering toward the pair.
Jeff: When did you get so light?
Jake: What?
Jeff: Never mind.
Panel 2: Jeff beginning to run to the back of the house, towards their room, where the story started.
Jeff: I'm really serious, Jake. When did you get not fat?
Jake: Just shut up and run!
Panel 3: Jeff running into the room, where zombies are pouring through yet another broken window. A blue flash emanates from Jake.
Jake shout: STOP!!
Jeff: What?! You told me to keep running.
Panel 4: The entire wall smashes and explodes outwards, zombies flying everywhere and guts and entrails and rocks.
SFX: BOOOOM!
Jeff: Whoa!!
Page 11
Panel 1: Jeff looking at Jake in wonderment.
Jeff: Did you do that?
Jake: I think so.
Panel 2: Jeff running over the carnage that Jake unleashed.
Jeff: Whatever. It's time to go to San Antonio.
Jake: Do you think that's a good idea?
Jeff: No, but I do think it's a less bad idea.
Enjoy!
Page 1
Panel 1: Jake—12 years old, medium height and build for his age, brown hair and eyes--is laying in bed, asleep, in his suburban northwest Austin home. It is morning
Jake caption: It happened so fast.
Panel 2: Jake waking up. He is beginning to sit up. Light is seeping in through the blinds, which are closed and fill almost the whole window.
Jake caption: I saw lots of things that scared the shit out of me. Sorry. Mommy said I shouldn't cuss.
Panel 3: Jake is climbing out of bed. He still looks very tired, and is reaching for the door.
SFX: SKRITCHSKRATCH
Jake caption: I don't think I could have survived without seeing what I saw.
Panel 4: Jake's face changing to one of curiosity as he creaks open the door.
Jake: Hello? I'm up mommy. I'll get dressed.
Page 2
Panel 1: His mother is pressing on the door, face dead and eyes staring into space. A small trickle of blood is trailing from her mouth and ears. Part of her face is unseen.
Jake: Mommy?
Mom: nnnggghh...
Panel 2: Mom barreling in as Jake lets go of the doorknob. Her face is completely visible now, and has visible burn and cut marks on it.
.
Panel 3: Jake reaching out to her, extremely apprehensive, with a distant optimism on his face.
Jake: It's gonna be okay Mommy...
Panel 3: Mom grasping Jake's hand.
Mom: NNNNNGGGGGHHHHH!
Jake: AAAHHHHH!! MOMMY! WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU!?
Jake caption: There. I knew I was going to die.
Panel 4: Jeff is off panel but is racing to the room as Jake continues his futile struggle.
Jeff: Jaaaake!
Jake caption: Jeff was alive, and apparently,...
Page 3
Panel 1: A baseball bat coming down on Mom's head, destroying it.
Jeff: Die, you bitch!
Jake caption: ...and very pissed.
Panel 2: Jeff is still standing over his mom's crushed head, looking at Jake.
Jeff: We have to leave. NOW.
Panel 3: Jeff helping Jake off the floor. Jake is still very visibly shaken. Jeff looks remorseful and on the verge of tears, but angry nonetheless.
Jeff: You okay?
Jake: ...
Page 4
Panel 1: The two brothers walking into the hall, each trying to be wary of their surroundings.
Jeff: Are you hungry?
Jake: A little.
Jeff: Get something to eat.
Jeff Caption: I was going to protect him no matter what.
Panel 2: Jake is walking through the den to the kitchen.
Jake: What happened?
Jeff: I really couldn't tell you.
Jeff: I see this light, and when I wake up, Mommy and Beau are going into your room.
Jeff: I wasn't sure if you were okay or not, but I was gonna make sure you weren't one of them.
Panel 3: Jake looking down, seeing his other brother Kevin's dead body, his head also destroyed, but from a knife buried in the skull.
Jake: I'm not hungry anymore.
Jeff: That's understandable.
Jeff: Let's just sit down for a little bit.
Jeff: Shoot the shit before we do anything.
Panel 4: Jeff walking through the den as Jake sits down at the dining room table.
Jake: This is horrible.
Jeff: You think? You really think?
Jeff: I wasn't aware you were so perceptive today.
Jake under breath: Shut up, asshole.
Jeff: Just trying to add a bit of levity.
Panel 5: Jeff sitting down next to Jake. Jeff is trying to comfort Jake.
Jeff: Look, I don't know what the fuck to make of this either.
Jeff: Only thing I know is is that I got to find Jen.
Jake: What happened?
Jeff: I just told you.
Page 5
Panel 1: Jake and Jeff are still discussing the current situation at the dining room table.
Jake: What about Jen? You just mentioned her.
Jeff: She's in San Antonio, at Lackland. I have to see if she's alright. I'm not gonna settle for not knowing if she's alive or one of these...things.
Panel 2: A look of profound panic on Jake's face. Jeff is still stoic as he reaches for a glass of orange juice.
Jake panic: WHAT? You can't leave! We don't know what's out there!
Jeff: That's the least of my concern right now, Jake.
Jeff: What I'm worried about right now is making sure you're alright and that Jen is still alive.
Panel 3: Jake becoming angry with Jeff. Jeff still shows no emotion on his face.
Jake: So you'll just go?! And expect me to follow you?
Jeff: Not what I said.
Jake: That IS what you said.
Panel 4: Jake getting up, Jeff taking a sip of the orange juice.
Jake: You just try to sound smart all of the time.
Jeff: That's me, you fucking idiot.
Page 6
Panel 1: Jake turning around, anguish and anger apparent on his face.
Jake: Do you know what's happened here?
Jeff: What kind of fucking question is that? Of course I do.
Panel 2: Jake shouting at Jeff. Jeff is getting up.
Jake: Our whole family is dead! You killed them and you didn't care!
Jeff: You really think that, you little shitwad? You think I wanted to do that?
Panel 3: Jeff pulling the knife from Kevin's head, Jake watching in mingled horror and anger.
Jeff: Do you have any fucking idea how numb I feel right now?! Did you realize I had to kill my parents and brothers and I thought I was gonna have to kill you?
Panel 4: Jeff is walking towards Jake with the knife in hand. Jeff has abject burning hatred on his face.
Jeff: Is any of this registering in your little 12 year old mind?
Panel 5: Jake is backing up as Jeff moves closer with the knife prepared to strike.
Jeff: Don't ever say anything to me about being an asshole.
Jake: Jeff, don't do it.
Page 7
Panel 1: Jeff grabbing Jake by the arm and getting ready to stab.
Jeff: Do WHAT, YOU LITTLE FUCKER? KILL YOU?!
Panel 2: Close up on Jeff's face. It is mangled with insane anger and sadness.
Jeff: What would I lose if I did? All I have is Jen and I don't know if she's still alive!
Panel 3: Jake with terrified tears in his eyes.
Jake: Don't, Jeff. I don't want to die.
Panel 4: Jeff softening a bit, the realization of what he has done is hitting him.
Jeff: What?
Jake: I don't want to die.
Page 8
Panel 1: The knife dropping from Jeff's hand.
Jeff: What did I do?
Panel 2: Jeff's face filling with tears.
Jeff: They're all dead! And I just killed them without a thought!
Jake: No, Jeff. You did what you had to do.
Panel 3: Jeff hitting his knees on the floor.
Jeff: What are we gonna do Jake?
Jake: I dunno. We just gotta stay alive.
Panel 4: A small smile on Jeff's face as he gives Jake a hug.
Jeff: Yeah. Stay alive and together.
Page 9
Panel 1: The two brothers looking at the front door to the house.
ZOMBIES: UUUUNNNNNGGHHH, AAAAAHHHHH......
Jeff: Shit. Guess the tearful Spielberg moment is over.
Jake: Yeah.
Panel 2: The zombies breaking through the door, pouring in.
Jake: Are we gonna die?
Panel 3: The backdoor window breaking, and more entering.
Panel 4: Jeff and Jake standing in the center of the living room as the zombies close in on them.
Jeff: You ready to leave?
Jake: Yeah.
Jeff: Climb on my back.
Page 10
Panel 1: Jake jumping on Jeff's back. The zombies are still lumbering toward the pair.
Jeff: When did you get so light?
Jake: What?
Jeff: Never mind.
Panel 2: Jeff beginning to run to the back of the house, towards their room, where the story started.
Jeff: I'm really serious, Jake. When did you get not fat?
Jake: Just shut up and run!
Panel 3: Jeff running into the room, where zombies are pouring through yet another broken window. A blue flash emanates from Jake.
Jake shout: STOP!!
Jeff: What?! You told me to keep running.
Panel 4: The entire wall smashes and explodes outwards, zombies flying everywhere and guts and entrails and rocks.
SFX: BOOOOM!
Jeff: Whoa!!
Page 11
Panel 1: Jeff looking at Jake in wonderment.
Jeff: Did you do that?
Jake: I think so.
Panel 2: Jeff running over the carnage that Jake unleashed.
Jeff: Whatever. It's time to go to San Antonio.
Jake: Do you think that's a good idea?
Jeff: No, but I do think it's a less bad idea.