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K-P
May 5th, 2006, 02:27 PM
This is absolutely the most retarded thing you will every read.


Still there? Ok. It's the final assignment for one of my classes. An interview with myself, after I have established my carreer as a writer. I knocked this badboy out in about 20 minutes.

Enjoy.



A Moment with Kurt Sawyer


By Kurt Sawyer



Kurt Sawyer is a noted Saved by the Bell fanfiction writer, and his stories, set in the Bayside High Universe has found publication in numerous fanfiction forums across the Internet. He is currently working on a novel, A.C. Slaters Big Day at the Circus, which is set for vanity-publication sometime in the coming months. We sat down with Kurt for an in-depth discussion with the man, the artist, the legend. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you: Kurt Sawyer.

Q: Good afternoon, Mr. Sawyer, how are you doing this evening?

Good, thank you. Its a pleasure to be here.

Q: Tell us, youre fourty-seven years old. Why still write fanfiction for a television show thats been out of syndication for fifteen years? Surely there must be other shows that caught your eye as much as Saved by the Bell?

Frankly, no. I dabbled in the Family Matters universe for a little while. But, then I thought, whos Erkel but an African-American Screech? And all without the black/white interracial dynamics of Screech and Lisas cat and mouse romance. The Bell was a very deep and socially cognizant program, while shows like Family Matters and Small Wonder were mere distractions, keeping our mind unaware of the grave dangers of marijuanna use and oil drilling on high school campuses. The Bell, however, tackled both of these subjects and more. So, to answer your question: No. The Bell was, and still remains, the most socially progressive television show in the history of the time. I cannot write within the universes of its lesser brethren.

One of your more controversial short stories, How Kelly Stole a Car, Drove it off a Bridge, and Died, deals with the suicide of one of Saved by the Bells main characters. Www.Savedbythebellnow.Com (http://www.savedbythebellnow.com/) bemoans you as a traitor to the Bayside High Movement. Why did you kill off Kelly in such a virilant matter, and what will be the future psychological repricussions for Zack? They were dating, correct?

Im glad you asked that. To be honest, I never liked Kelly. Lisa had the best lines, while Jessie was the groups moral linebacker. Kelly, however, was just eye candy. Were Zack or Screech to die, the SBTB universe would likely collapse in upon itself. Kelly, on the other hand, was as insignificant as air, as far as Im concerned.

Is it true that you killed off Kelly just so you could explore a romantic relationship between Zach and Mr. Belding?

Well, the cat is out of the bag. Yes, following the completion of my novel, I will begin work on a screenplay with the working title of, Zachs First Kiss. I cant get into any more than that.

Ok. If you could summarize Zachs First Kiss, in four words, how would you do it? And, will any of the original cast members be making an appearance?

Brokeback Mountain, minus sheep.
The answer to your second question is: I dont know yet. My agent has contacted the original cast of The Bell, but we as of yet havent heard back from them. Id have approached them myself, but Im not legally supposed to come within 500 yards of any of the original cast members.

Im curious, Mr. Sawyer. You dont actually make money writing SBTB fanfiction. How can you afford an agent?

My agent believes in me. She believes that I have the natural talent to one day make a career out of this, to revitalize the Saved by the Bell universe. It wont be easy, we both know this, but little by little Im forging my niche in the literary field.

Isnt your agent also your mother?

Yes. She is also my mother.

Well, Mr. Sawyer, it looks as though we have finished our 3-page requirement with a bunch of hyperbole and some fancy line spacing. Before we go, is there anything youd like to say to your fanbase?
Hi.

Kurt Sawyer, ladies and gentlemen.
At press release, Publish America has picked up Kurts book, A.C. Slaters Big Day at the Circus, and sales are soaring into the dozen.

rubisco
March 8th, 2012, 11:57 PM
Hilarious. I'm impressed you came up with this in twenty minutes. It's funny because the whole situation is funny, but what really made it good was the fact that there was a lot of very realistic dialouge and ideas that only a saved-by-a-bell fanfic writer could provide (I'm assuming that you actually have written SBTB fanfic, if not, you did a good job acting like you did). And the agent being your mother? And how it was delivered was great. I have definitely read more retarded things than this (granted though, The Odyssey this ain't) Good job, a twenty minutes well spent, I think.

RedSuinit
March 9th, 2012, 07:13 AM
Hilarious. I'm impressed you came up with this in twenty minutes. It's funny because the whole situation is funny, but what really made it good was the fact that there was a lot of very realistic dialouge and ideas that only a saved-by-a-bell fanfic writer could provide (I'm assuming that you actually have written SBTB fanfic, if not, you did a good job acting like you did). And the agent being your mother? And how it was delivered was great. I have definitely read more retarded things than this (granted though, The Odyssey this ain't) Good job, a twenty minutes well spent, I think.

Agreed. A few well earned chuckles from this piece.