PDA

View Full Version : Is this a good opening scene for a comedy?



Ezuma
April 13th, 2006, 09:08 AM
ODE TO THE YANGTH

INTRO
This is a true story. Only the characters, places and events have been changed.
We home in on a boat coming in to shore. Off walks a man, he is carrying a backpack and wearing shades.

EXT. TOWN
He walks through a town, passing various people and acknowledging them in a strong New York-Italian accent. He turns up a street populated by no one, but still acknowledges the presence of no one in a strong New York-Italian accent.

EXT. TOWN GATES
The New York-Italian reaches the town gates, but is quickly cut off by two guards.

NEW YORK-ITALIAN
Yeah, hey, Id like to come in please.

FIRST GUARD
Oh yeah, and who are you aye?

NEW YORK-ITALIAN
Well, Im Konjoung Yangth of course.

FIRST GUARD
If youre Konjoung Yangth, Im Tony Blair.

The First Guard nudges the Second Guard, who laughs, not knowing why.

NEW YORK-ITALIAN
Oh! Well, hi, Mr. Blair, Im Konjoung Yangth.

FIRST GUARD
It was a joke, you bubble-headed idiot. I know youre not Konjoung Yangth!

NEW YORK-ITALIAN
How do you know that then?

FIRST GUARD
Well first of all you dont look anything like him and second of all he passed right through here not half an hour ago.

NEW YORK-ITALIAN
Ah. I see.

The New York-Italian proceeds to push his way past the two guards, who put up no struggle. They both fall to the ground as the New York-Italian walks into the distance.

FIRST GUARD
Hey, get back here! Hey! (to the Second Guard) Well get the next one.

SECOND GUARD
Definitely.

mammamaia
April 14th, 2006, 01:35 AM
sorry, but that's not how a script is written... for a format guide and help, if you want it, you can email me any time...

as for the content, it makes no sense to me, whatsoever... and isn't at all funny, sorry to say... the name bit is an oldie and not so goodie... been around and used/abused in movies, since the marx brothers and before them, in just about every comic's vaudeville routine...

if you want a detailed rundown of all that needs redoing in this piece, you can send it to me and i'll explain everything...

love and hugs, maia
[email protected]

Scarlett Cohen
April 16th, 2006, 07:26 PM
I did not really get it, maybe if would make more sence if I knew what was going to happen after ward.

MSTK
April 17th, 2006, 04:23 AM
Well, I admit that there is a certain sense of mystery. But I don't think there is enough action to hook on an audience.

But don't go by my word. I don't take a class on screenplay writing or anything.

EDIT: Augh, totally forgot the word "comedy" in your topic title. My comments should be taken with even less salt, but the point still stands that it doesn't sufficiently "hook" me.

Aztecsfinest
April 18th, 2006, 12:49 AM
I won't mention the script format as it has already been done.

I'm sorry but that's just not funny.

If I may suggest slapstick (Airplane, Naked Gun) comedy. I find it is much easier to write as you are not restricted by anything.

aliceedelweiss
April 18th, 2006, 01:01 AM
I think its funny. I don't know much about scripts and all, but I like to laugh. it has a sort of strange humor to it, and I like all that stupid or Monty python stuff. I think its funny.


... :D

Aztecsfinest
April 18th, 2006, 01:29 AM
Yes, Monty Python is good.

This script could use work however.
When re-edited I can give you a greater opinion.

cellardoor
April 18th, 2006, 04:19 AM
no