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<3
April 12th, 2005, 07:57 PM
A sink is in the middle of an empty stage its back faces the audience. A large wooden frame is suspended above and just behind it.
A young kid, maybe 17 or 18, walks on stage and stands behind the sink (so that it blocks his lower body), he turns on the faucet and begins to wash his face. Then he puts the cloth down. He looks into the frame fixing his clothes and hair. Then he looks through the frame and begins to speak.

Ron:

Hi Im Ron.
(Clears throat and speaks deeper)
Hello Im Ron
(Clears throat again speaks normally)
Hi, hi Hiii?
(Clears throats again)
Hi, Im Ron. Um... I know you dont know me that well but, um yeah we have Art together. Im the quiet one; I sit in the back. I helped you on something once. You know when you couldnt reach the tape.

Thats all wrong
(Paces back and forth)
Hi, you might not know me. Im that artsy guy who sits in the back ofNah
(Clears throat)

Anna, I think I love you, I always have, since the moment I first saw you. The way you paint what you can do with a brush or a pencil or even pastels. You amazing Brilliant, beautiful; you have it all Anna youre the kind of girl Id bring home to my parents the kind of girl Id want to grow old with I, I just Damn it! Shed think I was a stalker

So uh whats life like over in Russia? I mean what the weather like over there
God, I suck at this crap

(Ron falls to one knee)
Will you marry me Anna?
(Ron stands up taking the roll of the fiance to be putting on a girl voice with a Russian accent.)
Oh, of course I will!
(He goes back on his knee) Oh thats so great honey; I knew you wouldnt say no.
(Ron stands again his left hand holding an imaginary brides hand; he speaks in a low tone)
Will you take this man to be your wife I mean husband.
(He sighs and rubs his temples)

(Angry)
Forget this no one could love someone like me anyway Im a failure; a loser. Two Fs, one B but thats only in art. I cant go to college because the one school I did apply to rejected me as soon as they got my transcript. Smart but lazy. Thats what they call me, but theyre wrong! Im an Idiot who cant get anything done a loser
(Starts to laugh then suddenly stops)
Who cant win

But what else would you expect from a kid whose mother just up and left. I mean if she didnt love me what makes me think anyone could
I was three when it happened and I remember it all. She looked down at me then at the door And then she was gone without even so much as a good bye to me or my father. I hate her for that. I hate her for hating me.
(Ron starts to pace)

My dad is just barely better. He wont give me the light of day sends all of his time with that damn girl. Oh, I mean my step mom the perfect woman. To those two Im like an animal; all I need is food and Im fine.
(Walks faster)
If thats all I needed
(Slows)
Id be
(Stops)
happy

But you know what thats what my art is for. Thats why I draw to prove I dont need any of them. I just need my art to make me whole. I can create anything;
(does a gesture to show each thingy)
love, sorrow, pain, confusion, understanding happiness, thats the one exception though. I can fall in love with my art but it cant make me happy.

Lights fade

A little monologue I wrote... a whiles back. (yesterday) It needs some work hopefully you guys can help me out a bit.

zaoshang
April 13th, 2005, 01:18 AM
Good job, &lt;3!

(God, can't you find a more unpronounceable name? Like x1`$$% or something :) And uh, as I'm not fluent in perl, I'll write this feedback in English.)

I think this is a very good beginning. You have a neat and clean style; you have an incipient conflict there (I, for one, was hooked); you have a pretty well outlined character.

One minor comment:


I cant go to college because the one school I did apply to rejected me as soon as they got my transcript.

-this sounds a bit forced. I mean, he's just talking to himself, he doesn't need to inform himself about such specific facts from his biography. The rest of the monologue seemed pretty realistic, though.

In my opinion, you just need to keep up with the pace of the story and provide it with a good plot and a good dialogue.

Good luck!

Lilmissme
April 13th, 2005, 09:12 PM
hmm kinda confusing.... you need to get it to a point. I saw no point in this (not to be mean just saying) and Ron seemes a little bit stupid. Now has he met this girl before or is this like there very first time seeing each other. Other then that bravo. I really do wish to see more postings of this ^.^

Blackviolet
May 25th, 2007, 09:48 PM
Hi... I see this is an old post, but I thought I'd comment. I like the flow. The only thing that is distraction are some grammatical errors. Sometimes they're purposeful, sometimes they're distracting. You know?

But I have to say, I think the point is Ron's internal conflict. Maybe there isn't enough resolution.

Maybe Ron should decide to see a shrink; maybe he should start collecting lucky Chinese baby feet.