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Burning
February 10th, 2005, 04:33 PM
This is my first ever script. I always wanted to write one. Its a comedy, please comment. :)

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Whats His Problem?

Act 1 Scene 1

[John, Pat sit in the living room, watching television, staring at the television. Pat sits on the armchair, uncomfortablely with his arms crossed]

Pat: Is this what we are going to do all day?

John: Well if you would have brung your Playstation around, maybe you would be having fun, but you didnt.

[John huffs as Pat sighs]

Pat: Just because I didnt bring it around doesnt mean we cant have fun.

[John mumbles]

Pat: How about we go to the arcade down the street, Ill even pay.

John: Yeah but get a taxi.

Pat: Why? It only in the next street.

John: If we dont get a taxi, then im not going, Im not bored you know.

Pat: Your watching the news. You always complain about it.

John: So.

[John lifts a beer and necks it. Sits back down and burps loudly.]

Pat: Im away, whats the point of me sittin

[Interupts]

John: Bye, shut the door on the way out.

[Pat mumbles and slams the door]

John: I hate the news.

[Gets off the chair, stretches, cracks his back, puts a coat on and walks out, locking the door behind him]

[Walks down the road and into the shop, lifts a coke and goes to till, sees Pat in front of him]

John: O hello Pat

Pat: Where you going?

John: Just thought I might take a nip down to the arcade for a bit, heard there was new games.

[Pat runs past John furiously and out of the shop]

Shop Assistant: Whats his problem?

John: Doesnt like arcades.

[Pays for drink, and walks out whistling to the arcade, seeing Pat storm off in his car. John waves]

CrimsonMoon
February 15th, 2005, 01:40 PM
That was an amusing little quip. Very intriguing. If this is your first attempt at a script then it was quite good however, I do suggest that you pick up a copy of a "How to Manual" at your local library. It might just give you some tips. I hope you do keep up with writing. I look forward to reading more of your work.

chelseafagan
February 16th, 2005, 01:52 PM
It's kind of dry....?

DavidC
March 2nd, 2005, 09:33 PM
I liked it. Very quick wit about the news bit. Keep it up.

wackeychan
April 3rd, 2005, 08:16 PM
needs to be longer. showing a point or leading up to something. it doesn't really have anything in it. have pat be a compulsive complainer. dont keep it to 'i hate the news' make him a ranter. 'man, look at this sh#$. All the time, it's death and destruction told by white fat guys with fake hair. I mean, have you ever watched CNN for more than six hours? It's the most depressing thing you'll ever do. All over the place, relentless, just goes on abou t"yeah and the nuclear reactor that blew up will produce 800 million 3 eyed babies" but where is it all, I look outside and I see Mr. Degnan mowing the lawn. Where's all the mass destruction. Boy I tell ya I hate the news'.