jimmycracker
January 12th, 2005, 05:51 AM
I already finished this, so I'll just keep posting what I have. I'm planning on rewriting it later with proper format and general dialogue improvements, but first I want to get a general consensus on the content.
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ACT I
SCENE I
A visiting room in a prison set in the fictional town of Feldspar, Wisconsin, 1971. RODRIGUEZ, 24, prison guard, is seated on a chair eyeing the empty booth, apart from a potbellied, middle-aged prisoner waiting on the other side.
Enter SUNRISA, sixteen, who approaches prisoner from Rodriguezs side and begins indistinct conversation.
SUNRISA
Good news; I, um... I talked to Martin last night on the phone, and he said we may have a chance. I mean, we have a chance Itll just take some paperwork, and time... a bit of time, you know. After that, itll be all settled, and youre free to go. Does that sound good to you?
MAN
I tell ya, it sounds a lot better than I thought. I thought I was gonna be in here for, oh... I dunno, another twenty years or something. But thats good news if Im getting out early or something.
SUNRISA
Well, just remember to have hope.
RODRIGUEZ begins writing in notepad, speaking his written words out loud while SUNRISA and the man silently continue their conversation.
RODRIGUEZ
She has emerged once more, it seems. Amongst this past week she has referred to a trial, a Martinwho I assume lends help to their apparent ordeal, which Ive not yet graspedand an incident, which I have also not yet identified. I find it strange that the content of this incident is obscured in conversation, yet the girl seems to apprehend it without difficulty.
SUNRISA
What have you been up to, Ted?
MAN
Ive been watching television, you know. Oh (chuckles), yesterday on channel fourteen these two chicks were dancing up and down on stage and their titties and stuff were hanging out and everything (guffaws). Hell man, it was awesome. You shouldve seen it.
SUNRISA
Well, thank me my parents for paying the electricity fee in your cell (laughs). It took them a lot of convincing
MAN
Hell, I dont see why these lazy Americans cant pay for my TV with their god damn tax money. A buncha no good, selfish bastards, thats what they are.
SUNRISA:
Well, I love my parents for doing you this favor. I can definitely say that much.
RODRIGUEZ
(Continues writing) This man is undoubtedly both imprudent and foolish. I can only hope I am not instructed to escort him to his cell by the ascending authority, or I will surely be struck by aggravation and distress, as has been the case numerous times in the past.
MAN
Hell, those were some fine titties. That bitchhell, she was one fine bitch alright. A fine bitch, with those titties, hell.
SUNRISA
I bet.
RODRIGUEZ
Lastly, when he displays a nearly-infantile degree of stupidity with his blatant remarks, the sounds emitted from his voice are raspy, blusterous and unpleasant. I do not desire his acquaintance in any way.
SUNRISA
Have you thought anymore about what you want to do when you get out?
TED
Well I hope I dont do anything thatll put me back in here, thats for sure.
SUNRISA
Thats a nice plan.
TED
I might get a job, actually. Maybe Ill work in construction, cause of my strongness, how I can lift heavy objects, and you know. All that kind of stuff. Or maybemaybe Ill be a counter. Im good with money and everything.
SUNRISA
Maybe you mean an accountant? And yeah, youre great with money! I saw how you handled that
TED
Or a fireman, or a doctor, or maybe a lawyer just like Martin! Shit, Id make a lot of money off that, I tell you. Id be making like millions of dollars for each case. That would be the life right there.
SUNRISA
Youd be wonderful at all
TED
And then when I get all that money, Ill buy this huge apartment, almost as big as a mansion maybe, and thenthen Id buy this big screen TV, then Id get a shit-load of beer, and invite a whole buncha bitches over to my apartment, man, then Id
SUNRISA
I think our times up, Ted. (Glances at RODRIGUEZ.) Its... up, right? The time?
RODRIGUEZ says nothing.
SUNRISA
Well, thanks for letting me visit you, Ted.
TED
Yeah, anytime.
A guard on TEDs side takes him away.
Exit TED.
Exit GUARD.
SUNRISA looks at RODRIGUEZ, smiles, and approaches him.
SUNRISA
Thanks.
RODRIGUEZ
We have only just met, yet my inability to discern sarcasm from sincerity is already evident a weakness on your part. It would help drastically if you were less ambiguous during this conversation.
SUNRISA
Yeah, thats true, Im not very good at speaking directly. One of my faults, I guess.
RODRIGUEZ
You have just now repeated the same mistake.
SUNRISA
I wouldnt bet on it. So far Ive been truly sincere.
RODRIGUEZ
Then you have expressed gratitude for something of which I am fully ignorant, which still remains your fault, as you have not yet explained yourself intelligibly.
SUNRISA
(Cheerful tone.) Too true. Ill keep that in mind next time.
RODRIGUEZ
Undoubtedly.
SUNRISA
Say, Im not that familiar with this part of the city. Do you know of any coffee shops around here?
RODRIGUEZ
That would be unlikely in a rural, abandoned district with little activity. But stupidly, they placed this prison in an industrious section of the city with far too many citizens, so yes, businesses and major enterprises are exceptionally common. As for your specific question, there is a tea house of Japanese descent not far from this facility.
SUNRISA
That sounds lovely.
RODRIGUEZ
It seems you have ignored half my
SUNRISA
Say... would you like to... (glances at RODRIGUEZ for a few seconds) ...to join me?
RODRIGUEZ
That depends partly on what time my shift will discontinue... and the probability that you will interrupt me hereafter this conversation.
SUNRISA
Sure, sorry about that.
RODRIGUEZ
Your sarcasm is evident
SUNRISA
Its... is it? Well, okay. By the way, youre being kind of well, this isnt a bad thing, I mean but youre being really stiff. Its sort of
RODRIGUEZ
Silly, Id assume, which is based directly on your invalid perceptions.
SUNRISA
Sorry... forget I said anything. But, um, anyway, is there any chance that you want to join me? This is the last time I ask, promise.
RODRIGUEZ
Yes.
SUNRISA
Alright, lets go. Or... let us prominently withdraw our anthropological physiques from this public facility... whatever suits you.
RODRIGUEZ
Very well. But keep in mind for the future, apologizing will lead us nowhere.
-
ACT I
SCENE I
A visiting room in a prison set in the fictional town of Feldspar, Wisconsin, 1971. RODRIGUEZ, 24, prison guard, is seated on a chair eyeing the empty booth, apart from a potbellied, middle-aged prisoner waiting on the other side.
Enter SUNRISA, sixteen, who approaches prisoner from Rodriguezs side and begins indistinct conversation.
SUNRISA
Good news; I, um... I talked to Martin last night on the phone, and he said we may have a chance. I mean, we have a chance Itll just take some paperwork, and time... a bit of time, you know. After that, itll be all settled, and youre free to go. Does that sound good to you?
MAN
I tell ya, it sounds a lot better than I thought. I thought I was gonna be in here for, oh... I dunno, another twenty years or something. But thats good news if Im getting out early or something.
SUNRISA
Well, just remember to have hope.
RODRIGUEZ begins writing in notepad, speaking his written words out loud while SUNRISA and the man silently continue their conversation.
RODRIGUEZ
She has emerged once more, it seems. Amongst this past week she has referred to a trial, a Martinwho I assume lends help to their apparent ordeal, which Ive not yet graspedand an incident, which I have also not yet identified. I find it strange that the content of this incident is obscured in conversation, yet the girl seems to apprehend it without difficulty.
SUNRISA
What have you been up to, Ted?
MAN
Ive been watching television, you know. Oh (chuckles), yesterday on channel fourteen these two chicks were dancing up and down on stage and their titties and stuff were hanging out and everything (guffaws). Hell man, it was awesome. You shouldve seen it.
SUNRISA
Well, thank me my parents for paying the electricity fee in your cell (laughs). It took them a lot of convincing
MAN
Hell, I dont see why these lazy Americans cant pay for my TV with their god damn tax money. A buncha no good, selfish bastards, thats what they are.
SUNRISA:
Well, I love my parents for doing you this favor. I can definitely say that much.
RODRIGUEZ
(Continues writing) This man is undoubtedly both imprudent and foolish. I can only hope I am not instructed to escort him to his cell by the ascending authority, or I will surely be struck by aggravation and distress, as has been the case numerous times in the past.
MAN
Hell, those were some fine titties. That bitchhell, she was one fine bitch alright. A fine bitch, with those titties, hell.
SUNRISA
I bet.
RODRIGUEZ
Lastly, when he displays a nearly-infantile degree of stupidity with his blatant remarks, the sounds emitted from his voice are raspy, blusterous and unpleasant. I do not desire his acquaintance in any way.
SUNRISA
Have you thought anymore about what you want to do when you get out?
TED
Well I hope I dont do anything thatll put me back in here, thats for sure.
SUNRISA
Thats a nice plan.
TED
I might get a job, actually. Maybe Ill work in construction, cause of my strongness, how I can lift heavy objects, and you know. All that kind of stuff. Or maybemaybe Ill be a counter. Im good with money and everything.
SUNRISA
Maybe you mean an accountant? And yeah, youre great with money! I saw how you handled that
TED
Or a fireman, or a doctor, or maybe a lawyer just like Martin! Shit, Id make a lot of money off that, I tell you. Id be making like millions of dollars for each case. That would be the life right there.
SUNRISA
Youd be wonderful at all
TED
And then when I get all that money, Ill buy this huge apartment, almost as big as a mansion maybe, and thenthen Id buy this big screen TV, then Id get a shit-load of beer, and invite a whole buncha bitches over to my apartment, man, then Id
SUNRISA
I think our times up, Ted. (Glances at RODRIGUEZ.) Its... up, right? The time?
RODRIGUEZ says nothing.
SUNRISA
Well, thanks for letting me visit you, Ted.
TED
Yeah, anytime.
A guard on TEDs side takes him away.
Exit TED.
Exit GUARD.
SUNRISA looks at RODRIGUEZ, smiles, and approaches him.
SUNRISA
Thanks.
RODRIGUEZ
We have only just met, yet my inability to discern sarcasm from sincerity is already evident a weakness on your part. It would help drastically if you were less ambiguous during this conversation.
SUNRISA
Yeah, thats true, Im not very good at speaking directly. One of my faults, I guess.
RODRIGUEZ
You have just now repeated the same mistake.
SUNRISA
I wouldnt bet on it. So far Ive been truly sincere.
RODRIGUEZ
Then you have expressed gratitude for something of which I am fully ignorant, which still remains your fault, as you have not yet explained yourself intelligibly.
SUNRISA
(Cheerful tone.) Too true. Ill keep that in mind next time.
RODRIGUEZ
Undoubtedly.
SUNRISA
Say, Im not that familiar with this part of the city. Do you know of any coffee shops around here?
RODRIGUEZ
That would be unlikely in a rural, abandoned district with little activity. But stupidly, they placed this prison in an industrious section of the city with far too many citizens, so yes, businesses and major enterprises are exceptionally common. As for your specific question, there is a tea house of Japanese descent not far from this facility.
SUNRISA
That sounds lovely.
RODRIGUEZ
It seems you have ignored half my
SUNRISA
Say... would you like to... (glances at RODRIGUEZ for a few seconds) ...to join me?
RODRIGUEZ
That depends partly on what time my shift will discontinue... and the probability that you will interrupt me hereafter this conversation.
SUNRISA
Sure, sorry about that.
RODRIGUEZ
Your sarcasm is evident
SUNRISA
Its... is it? Well, okay. By the way, youre being kind of well, this isnt a bad thing, I mean but youre being really stiff. Its sort of
RODRIGUEZ
Silly, Id assume, which is based directly on your invalid perceptions.
SUNRISA
Sorry... forget I said anything. But, um, anyway, is there any chance that you want to join me? This is the last time I ask, promise.
RODRIGUEZ
Yes.
SUNRISA
Alright, lets go. Or... let us prominently withdraw our anthropological physiques from this public facility... whatever suits you.
RODRIGUEZ
Very well. But keep in mind for the future, apologizing will lead us nowhere.