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December 5th, 2004, 06:44 AM
I found this comic script while scouring for old files on my computer. It's not my best, but I want to know what everyone else thinks of it.

The Elem, Issue 1

Page 1. One panel page.

A boy standing in front of a burning car, looking out into space, eyes shining red. Face covered in shadow.

Caption: I never wanted to kill. I just killed because I could. And now I have to live with that the rest of my life. Everything was taken away from me in an instant, destroyed in the blink of an eye.
Why is it when the world falls apart, Im the one that lives through it?

Page 2.

1. A boy, LOUIS, and a girl, NINA, standing in a courtyard, arguing.

Louis: Why are you denying this? You knew I didnt know I was being used. You KNEW!

Nina: I didnt use you! I didnt know if I had feelings for you. Thats why I went out with you.

2. Louis and Nina still arguing.

Louis: Then what youre telling me is that I was a goddamned test drive!!

Nina: Its not like that!! I mean its

3. Louis turning away, giving Nina the middle finger as he leaves.

Louis: Just like I said. Worthless slut. Dont try to shove your bullshit down my throat. I know I was used. And I let you know. Thats it.

4. Nina moving in front of Louis.

Nina: No. Thats NOT it. You seem to be making a big deal over a week in Florida.

5. Close up of Louis face becoming mangled with anger.

Louis (caption): She just buried herself.

Page 3.

1. Louis getting in Ninas face.

Louis: Do you have ANY idea how I felt when you asked me out? Did you think I had any experience with girls? I didnt know what love was! And you knew that one point and manipulated me! Thats what you did to me!!

2. Nina showing anxiety in her face.

Nina: What do you want me to say? That I hurt you and I should say Im sorry?

Louis: That sounds like a GREAT idea. Why dont you?

3. Nina blowing up in Louis face.

Nina: Because youve got your head stuck too far up your own ass!!

Louis (thought): Not quite the reaction I was expecting, but since you want to go, lets go.

4. Louis getting into Ninas face.

Louis: Did you even evaluate your actions and what their consequences were? Did you even care that I had never had a girlfriend? Did you even care that I thought I had found true love? Did you ever care to wonder if I had even known what it is to be loved by someone?

5. Louis continuing to shout.

Louis: No!! You didnt!! You made me believe that if I got my hands on your tits and had my tongue in your mouth, I had found something more than just a fling. But instead, I got a girl who likes to take her boys out for test drives. Wonderful, dont you think?

Page 4.

1. Louis as he watches Nina burst into tears.

Louis: Yeah. Cry. See what that does to me, slut.

Nina: This is what I expected from you. You can never stand to be wrong for a second. You never allow yourself to be incorrect! Youre a fucking pile of horse shit!!!

2. Louis leaning over to whisper in Ninas ear.

Louis: Fuck off.

3. Louis walking off.

Louis: Shes a bitch, through and through

Page 5.

1. Louis walking home.

Caption (Louis): I guess it all starts to go downhill from that point.

2. Nina sitting in her room, pulling out a knife.

3. Louis sitting in his room, talking on the phone.

Voice on the receiver: Louis, you acted like you were 8. Youre way too immature.

Louis: Yeah, Shelly, I know. But she just set me off when I heard about that.

4. Nina pressing the knife to her throat.

Nina: Louis, you asshole. You humiliated me for the last time.

5. Louis still on the phone.

Shelly: I let you handle this because I thought you could be a man about it. You acted like an 8 year old.

Louis: Im sorry I flew off the handle like that, sweetie. Im not used to this stuff.

6. Nina slitting her throat.

Nina: Ill piss that bastard off one more time.

Page 6.

1. Shelly, a large girl, sitting up and dangling Louis class ring in front of her face

Shelly: Louis, for us to be together, you need to admit that you cant be innocent forever.

2. Nina, dead on her floor, a pool of blood surrounding her.

Page 7.

1. Louis lying in bed, thinking about what he did that day.

Louis (thought): God. Im such a jerk. I treated Nina like dirt. I could have asked her in a more civil manner about the issue, couldnt I?

2. Phone ringing, Louis eyes looking confused.

SFX: WEEOOWEEOO!!

Louis: Who the hell is calling at this hour?

3. Louis picking up the phone.

Louis: Hello? Who is calling right now?

Shelly: Louis! Its Nina!!

4. Louis looking alarmed.

Shelly: Shes dead, Louis. She committed suicide.

Page 8.

1. Louis dropping the phone, face twisted in pain.

Louis: AHHHH!!!

Shelly: Louis, babe? Are you there?! Louis?!

2. Louis hitting the floor, his brown hair beginning to grow out, turning white.

Louis: Whats happening?

3. Close up on Louis eyes. They are a mishmash of green, red, blue, and grey.

Louis (Whisper): Shes dead. Shes dead. Shes dead.

4. Professor Charles Xavier looking very fatigued using Cerebro.

Professor X (thought): And young Louis Darren has been reborn.

Page 9.

1. Louis wakes up on his couch, his parents next to him.

Dad: Louis, are you okay?

Mom: Do you need ibuprofen or anything?

2. Louis sitting up, running his hand through his hair.

Louis: No, Im fine. I just need to get back to bed.

3. Louis going to the bathroom.

4. Louis getting a glass of water in the dark.

5. Louis turning on the light.

Page 10. Full page.

Louis is looking in the mirror, his back to us, an expression of pure terror and surprise in his face. One eye is shining orange, the other green.

Louis (caption): I never thought it could happen to me. I was a mutant. A genetic outcast. It didnt seem real. But it was. And I would have to deal with it.

baldrick
December 5th, 2004, 07:50 AM
bloody hell. very well written. it shows both sides really well. keep writing this sort of stuff!
ho ho ho, merry christmass