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indianroads
November 3rd, 2020, 09:22 PM
My MMC is not a nice person - he's survived a forced labor camp through sheer brutality, and now he earns by committing 'statement' murders that are so brutal that they instill fear. He is known as the Reaper.

I'm putting together a credo he whispers to himself as he prepares to kill someone - this will occur three times (separated by many pages) within the novel.

So, does it sound menacing?

I am violence, agony, and death. I am the beast that stalks the night, the savage that haunts your dreams, the fury that watches from the shadows promising terror, blood, and pain. I am the Reaper, and I come for you.

Theglasshouse
November 3rd, 2020, 11:55 PM
I am not sure you plan him to reverse his credo. That would be interesting. He can repeat the same thing disavowing his words by repeating it word for word showing his reversal in his belief system. I recently came up with a way in a short story. But since editors want everyone to read it. I would never resort to a killer. Sounds interesting though.

indianroads
November 4th, 2020, 01:08 AM
I am not sure you plan him to reverse his credo. That would be interesting. He can repeat the same thing disavowing his words by repeating it word for word showing his reversal in his belief system. I recently came up with a way in a short story. But since editors want everyone to read it. I would never resort to a killer. Sounds interesting though.

Both my main characters have pretty extreme arcs - over the course of the story they will reconcile their pasts and evolve. The characters appeared in my head first, and I couldn't resist them, and so built the story around them.

Redstarfishy
November 5th, 2020, 02:07 AM
It sounds menacing... but does he need it? Often, I think the unspoken brings up more emotions than the spoken. I would feel more for this character if he did those things/acted that way than saying he will do it. And if he acts that way already, why does he need to tell himself/the reader that he will? Is he psyching himself up?

indianroads
November 5th, 2020, 02:59 AM
It sounds menacing... but does he need it? Often, I think the unspoken brings up more emotions than the spoken. I would feel more for this character if he did those things/acted that way than saying he will do it. And if he acts that way already, why does he need to tell himself/the reader that he will? Is he psyching himself up?
He’ll whisper it at the start of the story- the first three sentences- as part of his introduction. He may repeat pieces of it later in the novel.

At the beginning he is a stone cold killer, and is about to take on a huge opponent. His arc through the story softens him, and in the end he retires

Olly Buckle
November 5th, 2020, 03:17 PM
I am violence, agony, and death. I am the beast that stalks the night, the savage that haunts your dreams, the fury that watches from the shadows promising terror, blood, and pain. I am the Reaper, and I come for you.

I would make the parts short and sharp punctuated by the self affirmation, so,

I am violence, I am agony, I am death. I am the beast, I stalk the night, I am savage, I haunt dreams. I am fury I watch from the shadows, I promise terror, blood, and pain. I am the Reaper, I am come.

Because he is repeating it to himself, it is for himself and all about himself, 'you' are nothing.

indianroads
November 5th, 2020, 05:24 PM
I would make the parts short and sharp punctuated by the self affirmation, so,

I am violence, I am agony, I am death. I am the beast, I stalk the night, I am savage, I haunt dreams. I am fury I watch from the shadows, I promise terror, blood, and pain. I am the Reaper, I am come.

Because he is repeating it to himself, it is for himself and all about himself, 'you' are nothing.

That's almost verbatim of an earlier version. Thanks!

I've got the plot fairly well in place, yet oddly (for me) I don't know what the title is yet. I also have to write the first cut (of many) of the product description (blurb). That done, I'll take a deep breath and dive in.