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-xXx-
February 26th, 2020, 11:48 PM
250 word exact micro.
rip it up, please.
and thanks.
:)


-gee- 250 words

"I got it! I got it!" he yells over his shoulder, crashing through the underbrush. Where did that frisbee go?

"Yo, come take a look at this. I think a routing error just spit your query result at me."

"Nope. Not mine."

"You're sure? Couldn't be misinterpretation or break out of some kind?"

"Nope. No part of that's my dataset."

"What's protocol? I mean, in the virtual ton of documentation surrounding this project, I can't fit this to any obvious control. Scrum call?"

"Hmmmmm. Yeah, I can back you on that."

"Not gonna’ go over well. Are you at a place where you can step away for an unspecified duration?"

"Presentations tomorrow, but if there's a breach, or an inherent incompatibility...yeah, maybe that last incremental migration. Maybe it wasn't as seamless as A team led us to believe."

"Alright. Fifteen. Notifying noo...You shoot the Scrum and get over here, now! I'm outputting to printer...."

Steven Bersta disintegrate
disappear 06/15/1998
gapstone bridge
40°46'01.0"N 73°58'25.2"W
genetic anomaly living
R1b/Hg1/Eu18
output file sb.txt

test
"... that fine historian who said any group, any race, any world that did not run to seize the future and shape it was doomed to dust away to the grave, in the past <snip> who proposed that civilisation must respond to a challenge in order to flourish. "
end

do not agitate
language patience
influence unstable
material
system use
not of system
report
nuance
field flux
we nuance
no estwald
we nuance
we report

“Now! Get someone now!”

bdcharles
February 27th, 2020, 01:17 AM
Well I'm a fan of your experimentalism so I shan't be ripping up anything :) Even from this small piece I get a sense of escalating techno-panic, the sort that says: at best you've got 18 months of damage control on this project, at worst you're looking at a rip into a malevolent dimension. I dunno why - well, actually I do - but this reminds me of the opening sequence of one of those Half-Life games from the 90s. I am very curious as to what happened.

Foxee
February 27th, 2020, 03:09 PM
I just want to let you know I read this and I'll be back to go over it again as I think your pieces are good for a couple of readings to digest them. So far I like it, though, great gear-changes from the frisbee to the tech guys to the history to the general panic that almost goes to poetry.

You need to insert an apostrophe to make "Presentation's tomorrow" correct but other than that I didn't spot nits yet.

Mish
March 2nd, 2020, 12:37 AM
Great work! What you write makes me re-evaluate my own approach to writing.

Approach scanned:

Patterns detected, reassembled
Perceptions reappraised, discarded
Innovations imported
Re-balance <in progress...>

Foxee
March 2nd, 2020, 02:23 AM
Just gave it another read-through as promised, again with the feeling that maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am because I can't say I totally understand every word of this. However! I feel like the characters DO know their subject matter and they're just talking over my head in their jargon, which I kinda like. Generally that doesn't worry me because I feel like I'll catch up eventually.

Like the other story you showed me, you're really successful at getting emotion of the piece across to the reader. The shift from the lighthearted frisbee chase through the cool-and-calm apparent-scientists or codebuilders or or researchers through the escalating concern to panic is good. That progression practically IS the story for me.

I have to admit it makes me curious about the bigger story surrounding this moment.

Mish
March 2nd, 2020, 05:03 AM
Just gave it another read-through as promised, again with the feeling that maybe I'm not as smart as I think I am because I can't say I totally understand every word of this. However! I feel like the characters DO know their subject matter and they're just talking over my head in their jargon,

My 2 cents regarding the jargon:

Scrum=agile process framework for managing complex knowledge work, with an initial emphasis on software development. (Basically related to project management of software development)
Routing error=usually related to network error/anomalies in network traffic. (though in this case it's most likely a data retrieval error)
Query=code run to execute commands or retrieve data.
Dataset=A set of data retrieved from a database.
Steven Bersta disintegrate=I'm guessing a medical test subject who disappeared in 06/15/1998
R1b/Hg1/Eu18=His blood type
do not agitate language patience influence unstable=I'm guessing instructions on how to deal with the test subject if sighted.

What I like the most about this piece is how it sets the mood for the coming story.

ST Kennedy
June 17th, 2020, 04:31 AM
reminds me of Gibson