View Full Version : Soccer-Eraser

December 10th, 2019, 02:58 AM
Well, I've been retiring from short-story writing as I indicated before, but I had the itch to offer up a Christmas fantasy-soccer fable to indicate some of the directions I've been thinking about in creative-writing while also clearing up any cobwebs I have regarding where I want my stories to go as far as plot/theme! This little yarn is about an ambitious businessman who purchases the English Premier League club-soccer team Chelsea and discovering that his team is comprised of aliens disguised as humans, compelling the businessman to ponder if modern-day sports culture and marketing are really about image rather than quality! This yarn was inspired by the sports-culture film Jerry Maguire (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Maguire) (Tom Cruise).

Merry Christmas (signing off),


Alan Denisovich had become an extremely successful olive oil import businessman in Moscow (Russia) and wanted to have a little fun with his earned/won monies. Denisovich had the gumption to purchase the English club-soccer team Chelsea, part of the popular Premier League. The top competitors in the Premier League (PL) would compete in the UEFA Champions League, which invited the best European teams from Italy, Spain, and England. Chelsea had been modestly successful since the 1950s but really took off since the new millennium, winning multiple league titles and one UEFA Champions title! Denisovich wanted to be part of this excitement and decided to use about 1/3 of his oil import fortune to become the sole-owner of Chelsea. There was quite a bit of press about this purchase, since it happened during the Christmas season 2020.

Denisovich called in his team organization executives and coaches and all the players for an important meeting, declaring his intention to use his money to help Chelsea gain more media attention and TV fanfare around Europe and hopefully also in North America. Denisovich explained that the successes of the US women's national soccer team at the important women's World Cup soccer tournament brought newfound respect for soccer from America, which would be a great boon for European soccer! Denisovich explained he'd be willing and interested to use offbeat marketing tactics and shrewdness to bring Chelsea fanfare to American youngsters growing to appreciate media access to European soccer (e.g., cable-TV, ESPN portals, video-game popularity, etc.). Denisovich's new Chelsea team responded favorably, realizing their new businessman-owner was interested in making the team a new era gem.

Meanwhile, the team itself began to perform more excellently than usual, speeding past its opponents early in the 2020-2021 season! Chelsea was now in first place in the Premier League, and many soccer critics/fans suggested the team would make a clear run to the UEFA Champions League final and square-off most likely against the European club heavyweight team Real Madrid (from Spain's tough La Liga league!). Denisovich was thrilled and had one of his star-strikers, Drogba (of African origin) sign a TV-ad deal with the US women's national soccer team; the deal confirmed a special ad which would be shown during the NBA Finals in America (on ABC!). The special TV-ad would endorse women in sports while hyping American cable-TV interests in European soccer and sports in general. This would also bring great attention to Denisovich's Chelsea team itself, hopefully boosting ticket-sales from tourists/fans and TV-ratings. Denisovich was featured on the cover of Fortune Magazine, in a special article about new age sports-owners.

Because of all this newfound intrigue, the Chelsea executive board called Denisovich in for a very special and private meeting. Denisovich wore a special bow-tie for this meeting, which he didn't surmise the subject-matter of, and showed up in great delight. However, that's when a bomb was dropped on the Russian businessman. The Chelsea team board shockingly disclosed to Denisovich that the Chelsea team was entirely comprised of aliens from Venus! When Denisovich laughed at the claim, thinking it was some clear sarcastic joke about media successes, the board members began pulling the skin off their arms, revealing an internal cybernetic composition and explaining that all aliens from Venus resembled this composition. The team board (aliens) explained they arrived on Earth and disguised themselves as sports-community individuals and players intending to make a dent in sports-culture and marketing in the civilized world. Denisovich's jaw dropped, so he asked the Chelsea aliens what they wanted him to do with the team.

DENISOVICH PRESS-STATEMENT: "I'm thrilled that my extraordinary Chelsea soccer-team (of England's competitive Premier League) has managed to win another Champions League title, after easily winning our league title in the 2020-2021 season. This will no doubt complement the television advertisement made in coordination with the American women's national soccer team in June! I am confident that Chelsea will continue to be a real lighthouse for European soccer excellence; and fanfare and the media access and attention afforded to Chelsea will no doubt add to the current global fanfare for women's soccer as well. The players, board-members, and coaches of Chelsea are all skilled and intelligent contributors to my very profitable team organization, so I'm pleased I made this terrific purchase during the Christmas season last year! I was so concerned modern sports-culture pessimism would make me a 'soccer-eraser' but, in fact, the magical other-worldly quality of Chelsea's special brand of 'soccer fireworks' has made me a soccer diarist! God bless Euro-soccer and modern media access to human athletic penmanship."