Lizzie Brookes
December 6th, 2019, 05:51 PM
Hi,
I have just written a new story and would appreciate some critique. To let you know, the main characters are based on William Shakespeare and Leonardo Da Vinci.
Devraj and Jivan
Following a night of heavy rainfall, the sunshine shimmered, sending its beams through one of the bay windows of Pemari Library. Here, a historian specialising in the artistic, was seated at a table, perusing one of the many books that were piled up before him. He had chosen two historical figures whose biographies he wanted to write. One was a famous artist; Devraj Pallav, and the other a famous playwright and sonnet composer; Jivan Toya.
“Caw” screeched a crow outside, making Gabriel Harrison look up briefly before returning to the newspaper article he was reading;
A portrait sketch of Devraj with his mother, Kamalika Pallav and his stepfather, Biju Pallav, preserved for 500 years among the artist’s papers, will be displayed for the first time later this month in an exhibition of 200 drawings at Le Musée de la Nuit. It is well known that although Devraj was raised by his mother and stepfather, he was the biological son of Azdarr, the God of Sun and Fire.
Gabriel glanced at the displayed portrait. Kamalika was a parohuman of Roseifrons ethnicity with pale rose and pale green skin, and long straight, pale rose hair. Biju was a parohuman of Rupel ethnicity with blue and grey skin, and long, straight, blue-grey hair. Devraj of course resembled his mother. He returned to the newspaper article;
Devraj was gracious yet at the same time reserved in personality. His bearing was always elegant and he usually dressed in colourful clothing in styles that went against current customs. His mind was inquisitive and he took a great interest in natural science, mathematics, philosophy and history.
Gabriel picked up his black biro pen and made some notes in a lined notebook. He was unsure if he was allowed to photocopy the newspaper article so he instead used his mobile phone to snap a picture of it discreetly. Mr Harrison turned a few pages, stopping at a photograph. The inscription underneath read;
Devraj was educated in reading, writing and arithmetic before being apprenticed at the age of fifteen to Daya Hemraj.
His eyes moved back to the photograph. Hemraj was a Pararose parohuman, with deep rose and green skin and brilliant rose red hair. Gabriel paused at a particular diary entry.
According to the diary entry, Hemraj had initially trained as a goldsmith, before becoming the pupil of a Chawalayan artist; Adesh Bansi. It was under the tutelage of Adesh that Daya commenced his career in painting and sculpture. Eventually in his own renowned workshop, Daya provided Devraj with multifaceted training which included painting and sculpture.
Gabriel photographed the diary entry and continued to diligently take notes. He then turned to the next page, coming across yet another diary entry;
I also had the privilege of working in the adjoining workshop belonging to Jaison Gopaal. Gopaal was a sculptor, painter, engraver and goldsmith.
Devraj’s diary entries detailed how he began to work independently five years later. It was after he began working independently that he crossed paths with his cousin, Jivan Toya.
Gabriel once more attentively studied the images of Devraj’s famous paintings. Although all historical sources claimed that Devraj and Jivan were merely close friends, the actual paintings suggested otherwise. It was unsurprising that the artist and the playwright were forced to pass themselves off as close friends, given the homophobia prevalent in the town of Lametsa.
He placed a bookmark in the book before opening another. The first painting depicted Petarr, God of the Moon and water, and Jivan’s biological father. Like Devraj, he had also been raised by his mother and stepfather. The second painting in the book depicted them. Pari Milan and Hari Akash were both parohumans of Pararose ethnicity. According to the book, Jivan studied Latin, and classical historians and poets. At the age of eighteen, Jivan devoted himself assiduously to writing, penning 44 plays and 154 sonnets, over a lifetime. His plays were divided into the genres of comedy, tragedy and history.
Gabriel was familiar with several of Jivan’s plays. Though he had specialised in history, he had nevertheless studied literature and given his interest in the arts there would naturally be overlap between history and literature. Just like Devraj’s paintings, Jivan’s writings also contained references to his romantic relationship with Devraj and his romantic inclination towards both genders. Harrison sighed. How unfair that both these brilliant achievers had lived during times of homophobia and oppression but every cloud had a silver lining and the most treasured plays, sonnets and paintings had come from it.
He glanced at two brief newspaper reports detailing how Jivan passed away from Tuberculosis at the age of 54 while Devraj had a fatal stroke at the age of 60. After making his notes, he decided to return the books he had borrowed to the shelves, pack up and see if ZigZag Café had any sandwiches.
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy it.
Lizzie.
I have just written a new story and would appreciate some critique. To let you know, the main characters are based on William Shakespeare and Leonardo Da Vinci.
Devraj and Jivan
Following a night of heavy rainfall, the sunshine shimmered, sending its beams through one of the bay windows of Pemari Library. Here, a historian specialising in the artistic, was seated at a table, perusing one of the many books that were piled up before him. He had chosen two historical figures whose biographies he wanted to write. One was a famous artist; Devraj Pallav, and the other a famous playwright and sonnet composer; Jivan Toya.
“Caw” screeched a crow outside, making Gabriel Harrison look up briefly before returning to the newspaper article he was reading;
A portrait sketch of Devraj with his mother, Kamalika Pallav and his stepfather, Biju Pallav, preserved for 500 years among the artist’s papers, will be displayed for the first time later this month in an exhibition of 200 drawings at Le Musée de la Nuit. It is well known that although Devraj was raised by his mother and stepfather, he was the biological son of Azdarr, the God of Sun and Fire.
Gabriel glanced at the displayed portrait. Kamalika was a parohuman of Roseifrons ethnicity with pale rose and pale green skin, and long straight, pale rose hair. Biju was a parohuman of Rupel ethnicity with blue and grey skin, and long, straight, blue-grey hair. Devraj of course resembled his mother. He returned to the newspaper article;
Devraj was gracious yet at the same time reserved in personality. His bearing was always elegant and he usually dressed in colourful clothing in styles that went against current customs. His mind was inquisitive and he took a great interest in natural science, mathematics, philosophy and history.
Gabriel picked up his black biro pen and made some notes in a lined notebook. He was unsure if he was allowed to photocopy the newspaper article so he instead used his mobile phone to snap a picture of it discreetly. Mr Harrison turned a few pages, stopping at a photograph. The inscription underneath read;
Devraj was educated in reading, writing and arithmetic before being apprenticed at the age of fifteen to Daya Hemraj.
His eyes moved back to the photograph. Hemraj was a Pararose parohuman, with deep rose and green skin and brilliant rose red hair. Gabriel paused at a particular diary entry.
According to the diary entry, Hemraj had initially trained as a goldsmith, before becoming the pupil of a Chawalayan artist; Adesh Bansi. It was under the tutelage of Adesh that Daya commenced his career in painting and sculpture. Eventually in his own renowned workshop, Daya provided Devraj with multifaceted training which included painting and sculpture.
Gabriel photographed the diary entry and continued to diligently take notes. He then turned to the next page, coming across yet another diary entry;
I also had the privilege of working in the adjoining workshop belonging to Jaison Gopaal. Gopaal was a sculptor, painter, engraver and goldsmith.
Devraj’s diary entries detailed how he began to work independently five years later. It was after he began working independently that he crossed paths with his cousin, Jivan Toya.
Gabriel once more attentively studied the images of Devraj’s famous paintings. Although all historical sources claimed that Devraj and Jivan were merely close friends, the actual paintings suggested otherwise. It was unsurprising that the artist and the playwright were forced to pass themselves off as close friends, given the homophobia prevalent in the town of Lametsa.
He placed a bookmark in the book before opening another. The first painting depicted Petarr, God of the Moon and water, and Jivan’s biological father. Like Devraj, he had also been raised by his mother and stepfather. The second painting in the book depicted them. Pari Milan and Hari Akash were both parohumans of Pararose ethnicity. According to the book, Jivan studied Latin, and classical historians and poets. At the age of eighteen, Jivan devoted himself assiduously to writing, penning 44 plays and 154 sonnets, over a lifetime. His plays were divided into the genres of comedy, tragedy and history.
Gabriel was familiar with several of Jivan’s plays. Though he had specialised in history, he had nevertheless studied literature and given his interest in the arts there would naturally be overlap between history and literature. Just like Devraj’s paintings, Jivan’s writings also contained references to his romantic relationship with Devraj and his romantic inclination towards both genders. Harrison sighed. How unfair that both these brilliant achievers had lived during times of homophobia and oppression but every cloud had a silver lining and the most treasured plays, sonnets and paintings had come from it.
He glanced at two brief newspaper reports detailing how Jivan passed away from Tuberculosis at the age of 54 while Devraj had a fatal stroke at the age of 60. After making his notes, he decided to return the books he had borrowed to the shelves, pack up and see if ZigZag Café had any sandwiches.
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy it.
Lizzie.