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Ditchweed242
November 25th, 2019, 06:02 AM
The door opens and you find a cold looking waiting room filled with
lots of people and they are all different shades of miserable.

You were ready for this, but it still jars you.

You talk to the receptionist who looks like she just came off of
a week long crack bender and today was her first day back.

The way she says "Can I help you?" just confirms it in your mind.
Crack lady literally owns a part of your ass for the next hour.

Shivers and hairs standing on end and you have not even started
the waiting part yet. Not even sat down! Ugh.

You try to play it cool on your desperate search for a safe seat.
You can just feel everyone staring at your hole. You know that
it is foolish, but it still burns in your soul.

Fuck. No safe seat. You can cut the stupid with a knife. A minefield
that most call small talk. You will just have to deal with the
fingernails raking across chalk boards.

You start getting worried that you will be so clenched up by the
time you actually get in there that they will have to use the jaws
of life to open you up or something.

Ok breathe. See it inside. White puffy clouds. White puffy clouds.
Get your shit together before they try to force blood pressure
medication on you.

Sometimes life happens in slow motion. It is a nightmare only
longer and, you know, you are awake.

After about ten or twenty eons your name is called. Sigh.
The door that they want you to go through is so far away.

You quickly head for the open door while not making eye contact
with anyone. How could you? They are looking at your hole.

Whew! Got through the blood pressure thing without Nurse Ratchet
wondering if the jaws of life would be needed or not.

Now the sedation is starting to kick in. Oh, it sedates you
alright. It also sets your paranoid mind free.

You swear you hear Nurse Hatchet mutter something about "not even
getting dinner first", but you are swimming.

"Lay down on your left side, my dear. You may as well relax and
enjoy it" says a non corporeal voice that sounds oddly like your
plumber.

Meanwhile, Dr Demento is either digging for gold, or looking for
his wife's wedding ring. You just know that you feel cold in a
place that no one should ever feel cold in. Shudder.

After an hour or so of this, you bark like a dog and the waking
nightmare is almost over.

But first you have to go and discuss the billing and payment of
your violation. Everyone wanting a piece of your ass.

Just one small canyon to cross. That waiting room. Those eyes.
Only now they are not looking at your hole. They are looking
at that cold place inside.

You sprint towards the door in hopes of catching your fleeing
dignity. It is long gone, though.

Irwin
November 25th, 2019, 06:08 PM
DW, you're a braver man than me! :) When I had my colonoscopy, I told the anesthesiologist to render me unconscious and don't bring me around until it's all over. I think I'm due for another one since it's been almost ten years. I won't be conscious for this one, either. I'm a coward. :)

Ditchweed242
November 25th, 2019, 06:24 PM
Lol. Thanks Irwin

I have just recently turned fifty so I am forging new memories
for a lifetime. Thought that I would write about them while they
were still fresh and harsh.

Not so sure about the courage, though. The only thing that may be
worse than sedation is being rendered unconscious. It is the lesser
of two evils brother.:grin:

Thanks for reading.
I appreciate it.

SueC
November 26th, 2019, 02:45 AM
Hey Ditchweed. My goodness, are we all of "that age?" This is one of those super personal events that you have to find humor in. Otherwise, it's almost too much isn't it? So, good work that. Took me back a bit and I'll say no more. Welcome to WF! :)

Ditchweed242
November 26th, 2019, 03:02 AM
Thanks for the welcome SueC. A sense of humor is required because, as you said, it is so personal.
You just have to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

Thanks again for reading.

Cheers.

Bloggsworth
November 26th, 2019, 04:48 PM
Colonoscopy schmolonoscopy - If you have constipation, much larger and more uncomfortable things come out then they are ever going to put in. Stop frightening people. I've had several, and the worst part is when they pump air in. Men are afraid to be seen as "Gay" if they don't say it's painful.

Ditchweed242
November 26th, 2019, 06:05 PM
Colonoscopy schmolonoscopy - If you have constipation, much larger and more uncomfortable things come out then they are ever going to put in. Stop frightening people. I've had several, and the worst part is when they pump air in. Men are afraid to be seen as "Gay" if they don't say it's painful.

I had not thought of it that way. I laughed so hard writing this
that it never occurred to me that it would frighten anyone.

If I have made someone's anxiety worse for doing this, then I am
truly sorry. My intent was only humor to relieve my own anxiety.

I never mentioned whether gender or orientation played any role at
all in this, though. Those you brought yourself.

Ralph Rotten
November 26th, 2019, 07:25 PM
I always have 'em knock me out for stuff like that.
Just wake me up when you're done!

When I donated bone marrow, they had to drill holes in my pelvis.
I could see no good reason to be awake for THAT.

Fun little bit of writing tho.

Bloggsworth
November 26th, 2019, 09:10 PM
I didn't have sedation, if it hurts, they're doing it incorrectly...

clark
November 26th, 2019, 11:42 PM
OK, I almost hate to insert this question, because the last thing any of us wants is yet another (failed) run at 'defining' Poetry or The Poem, but IS this piece a 'poem'? No, let's not even paddle that far up the creek: does the piece manifest poetic qualities? Or would it more properly be called 'creative non-fiction'? Or an 'anecdote'? Or a vignette? The issue matters, because if we say, "definitely a poem", then we have legitimate minimal expectations: some attention to Rhythm. Some attention to Heightened Language. Perhaps some kind of Metaphorical Transfer involving the reader's life experience?


These are all open questions. I'm curious about what others think.

Ralph Rotten
November 27th, 2019, 12:00 AM
Couldn't be poetry...it didn't make me wanna claw out my eyes. :)

Ditchweed242
November 27th, 2019, 12:11 AM
Couldn't be poetry...it didn't make me wanna claw out my eyes. :)


Perhaps I just hid the poem in plain sight to save your eyes, Ralph. Lol.

Hell of a question clark. I did not write it as a poem. Or did I? Hmmmm......

clark
November 27th, 2019, 06:18 AM
Ralph -- I expressed interest in other's thinking. :rofl:

Ditch: Yeah, it is a hell of a question, because if the piece is a described sequence of events, then is an invitation to read it for the information it provides. If it is the core of a Stand-Up script, then it is an invitation to look for the comedic turns and incongruities that trigger laughter. If it is a poem, then it is an invitation to be sensitive to the Art of the piece.

Ditchweed242
November 27th, 2019, 06:48 AM
My intent was to try to connect with people by using one of the many
shared and similar experiences most of us have.

Humor is very powerful in connections. It is just hard to feel
closed off when you are laughing.

Trying to connect is simply a human action. It is an invitation
for information, humor, and beauty all in one.

Life is a poem, if you stain your glasses a nice shade of rose.

A little tap dancing going on there, but hey, this started with
a medical procedure. Lol

Foxee
November 28th, 2019, 12:56 AM
I giggle everytime I see the title on the list of new posts. :)

Ditchweed242
November 29th, 2019, 03:27 PM
I giggle everytime I see the title on the list of new posts. :)

I must admit that I do too. Best part of the story. :mrgreen:

Asmoab
January 13th, 2020, 07:10 PM
@clark I wouldn't have said its a poem. I'd have gone for staccato delivery reflecting the frazzled state of mind such public humiliations involve.

I enjoyed it - laughter is the best medicine

Irwin
January 13th, 2020, 10:54 PM
I need to have prostate surgery. Maybe I should write a poem about the anticipiticipitory dark foreboding I'm experiencing. :cower: