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View Full Version : The Great Cavern war part 3 Politics and History



charles003434
October 7th, 2019, 02:00 AM
After Ticius was finished speaking it was the turn of Gaius. “You see Ticius there was a power stuggle on the surface involving Virgil,Dante,Trishia and Shamgar. The short version is that Virgil and Shamgar were in a duel to determine the next Arch Wizard. According to Virgil he would have won that contest but was poisoned by Trishia. Trishia was jealous that she was not allowed to take part in the contest because she was a woman. Trishia denied this claim so the royal priest Dante was called in to see what actually happened. Before the actual investigation could be completed Shamgar who was acting Arch Wizard because he won that duel and had the ear of the king had them all banished to our Caves.

All the followers of Virgil, Dante or Trishia were eventually rounded up and cast down here with a specific curse. “If any of you see the sun or the skies of grey. Your skin and bones will be blown away.” Dante and Trishia fell in love and Dante became our King and Trishia our Queen. They founded our Capital city of Gilgalid. This is the most powerful city in all the CDF. Virgil as you well know is the oldest and most bitter. He has a city of his own with a large tower that he spends most of his time in. It is simply known as “The Raven” Our more extreme and warrior like people live there. Without his help the Undead War would have been lost of sure. Then there is “The Den” here lives the dragon Paramaximus. She is a friendly but very powerful ally. Without her we would have also lost the war. Paramaximus and Mason were locked in a long drown out battle neither side could get the better of the other. When we cursed people arrived and the dragon decided not to eat us and in return we helped her defeat the Vampire. Far to the south lies Gilgalid. A little north of that is what is called “The Middle” This is where on the east side of the cave lies “The Raven” and on the west side lies “The Den.” Farther north is where new haven resides. Nobody as of yet has told me why this place was established or what were doing here but I have a feeling we will know soon enough. Part of the deal was that Paramaximus would be able to live in “The Den” where the Vampire used to be because that place had better mushroom growing around it.

One interesting side note is that once Dante asked Paramaximus what is the real name of this place? Paramaximus responded with to pronounce it correctly I would have to rip out your tongue. She also informed him that all you need to know is that it is older than all of us. We asked her about the curse as well. And she said that she would look into it and would send messages to our people with her range ability. Trishia was appointed the task of communicating with the great beast. I am told that in Gilgalid there is a very precise record of how the war was won and I would like to read about it someday. I have not been told much about how the surface world operates and what it looks like.


(As always I'm looking for feedback if this is a big piece of trash tell me so. Tell me if you love it or hate it. I also would like somebody else to do some artwork because i'm terrible at that.)

J.T. Chris
October 7th, 2019, 02:13 AM
Hi Charles,

You are doing a very good job at world building. You have realized characters and what seems to be an epic ensemble.

I'm not quite sure what the story is though. This chapter is one long info dump. You may want to consider spreading out your world's history throughout the story and have the reader learn things along with your viewpoint character.

If I were you, I'd take things more simply and focus on giving your main character a problem to deal with and show the reader his attempts to overcome that problem. Think about Frodo. He has to deliver the ring to Mordor and he is only a hobbit. What problems does he face along the way?

I like your story so far. Keep it up.

charles003434
October 8th, 2019, 01:43 AM
Thanks for the feedback. Right now I'm focusing on world building but a problem is coming once we get to see the king.