View Full Version : The Great Cavern war part 3 Magic

October 1st, 2019, 09:50 PM
(I would like some feedback positive or negative.)

Gaius was next up and took his turn to try and impress the teacher. He picked up the sword and slashed at the dummy in front of him. After a couple of slashes the thing went down.

“Very impressieve that you didn’t run away. The teacher responded coldly. You are now a proud member of the CDF. Cavern Defense Force is your new life and I expect nothing but the best from you and Ticius.”

At first Gaius was happy being part of the military. After the next few weeks he was not. There wasn’t much for him to do around the barracks. His job was cleaning duty for now as well as attending classes. He was told that after a week there would be more combat as well as survival training. Gaius and Ticius would spend most night talking and exchanging information. Ticius would tell Gaius about the basic information about how magic worked. Gaius would then talk about the military history and political situation of the CDF that he learned in class. Gaius remembered one such night when the small lizards and insects were quiet and Ticius gave a recap of all he had told him. Gaius was busy polishing some nearby swords while Ticius began to speak.

Ticius stated his discourse like a pompous professor would before a class. “As far as we know magic is divided into two categories on the surface world and we in the CDF have adopted the same style. The Council of Mages controls mage spells and The Priesthood controls priest spells. I have no idea how priest spells work so I remind you about magic. There are different ranks on the surface world. An Adept like me barley knows anything at all. A Mage knows the basics and can do some cool things. An Archmage could bring down a mountain if it tried hard enough. A Wizard is said to be able to take a dragon in single combat. Then there is the highest rank that only one person living at a time can lay claim to. The Arch Wizard he is the head of the council. The mage users on the surface are very strict and selfish and sexist and racist. I want to change all that and make is so that anyone could become Arch Wizard if they had the ability but my father sees it differently. Magic is divided into categories black and red and green. Black magic is believed to be the worst because it involves death and decay. My father Virgil is an expert at this type and it scares me. I want to study to become a red mage. Red magic involves throwing lightning bolts and fire bolts at various targets. Causing loud noise and explosions is mostly what goes on here. Green magic is used by various monsters like Mason used in the last war. My Father used to say of him that I am not sure if that vampire bastard is really dead. This war was the last time the CDF saw combat. We called it the War of the Undead and he cost us many lives. Green Magic is not very well understood as only fairy creatures like dragons and vampires seem to be able to use it. All mages past the rank of adept have a sort of sense ability that they can use that takes no energy at all to perform. We call it Range it has the ability to sense other mages at great distances and I have been sent here to learn the basics of how this ability works. Mages spells can take quite a lot of energy in order to be cast but they can be quite awesome if learned properly.

January 29th, 2020, 01:13 PM
Want a tip? Imitate. Find a good book, try to understand why it is good and then do the same.

You'll find that a story has some key components that should not be ignored until the writer has a firm understanding of them.

Firstly, immersion. Keep the world consistent, keep the characters real, and try to make us care about said characters before setting their journey into motion.

Secondly, pacing. Information is best fed in small morsels, diluted with action and/or other interesting kinds of conflict. No one wants to sift through lore dumps. It might be tolerated but no one really wants to do it, and if your readers are not invested then they will be out of there faster than you can say "magic system"

Thirdly, language and syntax. The text has to understandable, and preferably written in such a way that reading becomes fun and natural.

But again, you need to read. That is the simplest and probably most effective way to improve. Read and imitate