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Abishai100
June 28th, 2019, 02:46 PM
I was a fan of the Dallas Cowboys ( NFL) cheerleading-squad season-program which aired on Country Music Television (CMT) and wanted to sign-off from WritingForums with a 'toast' to pro-sports culture/intrigue.

What do you think? Does this story have appeal, merit, and cogency? This yarn was inspired (very-loosely) by the sports-marketing films Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) and The Last Boyscout (Bruce Willis).



:pharoh:

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Tina was busy coordinating the season practice, recruitment, rotation, and uniforming schedule for the cheerleading-squad for the upcoming Cowboys season in Dallas, Texas. The NFL (National Football League) had become a very important feather in her life, and she'd used her Yale education in political science well, managing both personnel and administrative issues for her exciting NFL Cowboys team. Tina wanted to be sure all the girls who qualified this season as an official Cowboys team cheerleader were ready and motivated.

Tina's biggest concern was that the somewhat callous and lackluster attitude of Cowboys GM (General-Manager --- the 'head honcho') Phillip Randolph was bringing the entire team (as well as her vibrant cheerleader girls!) down. The Cowboys were otherwise poised to have a great season that year (2019). Tina wanted to work more closely with Mr. Randolph so the Cowboys organization looked --- and felt --- more professional and entertaining. However, Phillip Randolph was notorious for basically being a stubborn bore!

The cheerleader tryouts for the Cowboys went smoothly. About 30 young women made the Cowboys cheerleading-squad, and Tina was responsible for each selection. There were 5 girls on this year's squad who were all graduates of Texas University, seeking to make that coveted jump from collegiate athletics to pro-sports cheerleading! The 5 girls were therefore obviously cheerleaders for the Texas University Longhorns NCAAF team. The 5 Longhorns-graduates were Amanda, Stacey, Deborah, Gina, and Hanna.

The Cowboys' first preseason game was against Chicago Bears, an NFC team which, unlike the Dallas Cowboys, did not have a formal cheerleading-squad. Tina made sure her selected cheerleader-girls were ready and uniformed in specially-designed 'vintage era' cheerleader outfits. The uniforms were to arrive by truck 3 days before the Bears game. However, Mr. Randolph (GM) forgot to sign the order! Tina was furious, as her cheerleaders were very demoralized. This, however, would not be the Cowboys cheerleaders' biggest concern.

Firstly, the 5 Texas University Longhorns graduates who made the Cowboys cheerleading-squad invited key members of the Longhorns organization to the Bears game and didn't want to be blamed/maligned for the vintage-uniform delivery failure, which basically sunk many hearts! Secondly, the lack of the publicized vintage cheerleader uniforms drew the ire of a fanatical Cowboys fan (a crazed father of a high-school football team cheerleader in Dallas!) who now intended to bring a bomb to the Cowboys stadium for the Bears game.

As Tina and her somewhat dismayed cheerleaders marched onto to the field for the Cowboys-Bears game on a somewhat hot-and-muggy Sunday afternoon, the 5 Longhorns (2 of whom were on the Cowboys varsity/frontline cheerleader-unit) were oddly worried about public expectations, thanks to Phillip Randolph's careless error. No one knew that the terrorist-fan (the 'crazed cheerleader-daddy'), Tim Seaver, was in the stadium too, having parked his car (a Volkswagen Beetle!), which was fitted with the bomb underneath, in the stadium parking-lot! It was Longhorns graduate Amanda who noticed the crazed Tim staring at the cheerleading-squad on the field that day.

AMANDA: Tina, there's a crazy-looking dude/fan staring at our cheerleading-squad.
TINA: Man, the publicized lack of those vintage era cheerleading uniforms upsets Texans!
AMANDA: The Bears don't even have a cheerleading-squad...
TINA: That's perhaps why that 'crazed fan' looks upset/strange.
AMANDA: Do you think he's sinister?
TINA: Well, he has been continuously staring at our cheerleaders for 15 minutes now!
AMANDA: This is all Mr. Randolph's fault!
TINA: Geez, that crazy fan staring at us has got a weird sneer on his face now.
AMANDA: Oh goodness, what if he's a terrorist or something?
TINA: You're just worried about the Longhorns invitees to this game, Amanda.
AMANDA: No, look --- that crazy fan's scratching his face now and sneering!
TINA: I'll inform security...
AMANDA: If this game goes to hell, I'm waving goodbye to the Cowboys!

====


:pharoh:

Periander
June 30th, 2019, 08:09 PM
Abishai, I'm not sure how this qualifies as a story, unless you were aiming for an experimental style that I'm not aware of. Why did you save all of the dialogue for the end? And why do the dialogue tags have capitalized names and colons, much like you would find in the manuscript for a play?

You give out a lot of information in the opening paragraphs. An effective short story needs to show, not tell, through the interactions of the characters and the "drama" of action, rather than the simple relating of facts. Maybe you could expand on this scenario and tell us what happens when the car bomb explodes? I'm in suspense!