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Abishai100
June 27th, 2019, 12:45 AM
This is a story about triskaidekaphobia (fear of the number 13), and this story involves a group of female college students (members of the Yale University women's field-hockey team!) acquiring a 'magical gift' that renders them...invincible.

Now, I'm a male, so this story has no reference/allusion to any real-world event, but I once coached a group of kindergarten-aged girls in a summer-camp game of soccer which is when I first got the idea for this fantastic story(!).

What do you think (this is my last short-story anyway, so feel free to offer any kind of feedback...and enjoy!)?



:santa:

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Pamela was a junior at Yale, and she became the captain of the women's field-hockey team, thanks to her extraordinary leadership skills and sportsmanship. She was excited about this position, as her team was poised to grab the Ivy League title that year. On the night before Yale's big first game with Harvard, Pamela invited her teammates to her sorority-house for a fun and humorous mock-seance and harmless game of Ouija, involving the incantation of a ghost or spirit who would grant the team great luck!

When Pamela and her teammate-friends began playing Ouija and invoked the ghost of Joan of Arc, legendary 15th Century female French crusader-warrior, they were disarmed when the ghost really did appear to all of them and then began giving a command. The ghost wanted the team to procure the iconic 13-sided Vogel crystal (currently held and displayed at the new Yale museum-exhibit of minerals and gems!). The ghost explained that stealing the crystal would ensure the team the Ivy League title that year.

At first, Pamela and her teammates thought the command given by the ghost was insane, but when the ghost explained they needed on,y to replace the authentic valuable 13-sided Vogel crystal with a replica until the Ivy League field-hockey tournament concluded. The crystal was, after all, being held at the Yale museum for that entire year. The ghost then supplied Pamela and her teammates with the crystal-replica itself! Since the ghost explained that she/it didn't wish to be invoked so liberally with a Ouija-board, Pamela and her teammates knew they shouldn't refuse the command.

That night, Pamela and three of her teammates broke into the Yale museum, and since it was late-night, there was only one guard inside, so they ganged up on the poor 50-year old Italian-American fellow and gagged and tied him up and proceeded to move into the inner-exhibit room (where the 13-sided Vogel crystal was kept!) and replaced the gem with the handy replica the ghost gave to them that night. Pamela then told the guard they were merely taking prank-photos of the museum exhibit for a sorority-prank and made him promise to keep the incident a secret. The guard was rather amused and promised to keep the secret for the girls.

PAMELA: Sisters, we've pulled off a stunning temporary theft, and that affable guard believed our alibi and has promised to keep this so-called photo-prank a secret! Now, I suspect that ghost we summoned using Ouija demands we each touch/rub the precious 13-sided Vogel crystal so we acquire the necessary luck to win the Ivy League field-hockey title. We'll do just that, since this ghost's command obviously has something to do with triskaidekaphobia (superstitious fear of the number 13!), since being 'metaphysically-shielded' from this unnatural fear will endow our team 'superhuman skill.' This isn't cheating...this is a real 'magical adventure.'

As the team did what their fearless captain Pamela ordered, they began feeling the spiritual excitement of winning the Ivy League women's field-hockey tournament. That's just what happened. Pamela and her 'energized' teammates acquired extraordinary playing-skills and zoomed through the entire tournament, winning each game by at least two goals! After they hoisted the Ivy League trophy for journalists and photographers, Pamela and her teammates promptly broke into the Yale museum exhibit-room again, tied/gagged the very-same affable security-guard, and replaced the replica-crystal (the one the ghost of Joan of Arc gave them!) with the actual/authentic one they secretly kept in their possession during the field-hockey tournament.

GHOST (Joan of Arc): I correctly assumed you all would perform the crystal-substitution task I gave you and therefore acquire the necessary supernatural shield from triskaidekaphobia (fear of the number 13!) and eventually win the Ivy League field-hockey tournament! I also correctly assumed you'd re-invoke my spirit with your handy-dandy Ouija-board to tell me your mission was completed successfully, which is why I've appeared before your team-members and valiant captain (Pamela!) to provide this conclusion-message. The 13-sided Vogel crystal that gave you protection from triskaidekaphobia was yours for the 'taking' because that affable museum security-guard is the descendant of one of my relations from 15th Century France! Your mission-success therefore represents your ability to transcend triskaidekaphobia with a dash of 'supernatural contact' but now my stern command is to keep this entire 'crystal-magic' gift a complete secret --- lest someone evil/insidious gains similar or comparable 'magic' and vainly uses it for corruptible ends...Congratulations, sisters. Go in glory (and remember me fondly!).

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23977

Justin Attas
July 4th, 2019, 09:42 PM
Very interesting storyline. Would like to see this one written our in narrative form!

Princesisto
July 25th, 2019, 07:25 AM
Yes, I agree with Justin. This is not a story yet: it's more like a blurb. You need to take us through the different scenes of what the girls are saying and doing. We have to learn who the girls are as individuals and how they interact amongst themselves and with the guard and others. We have to see them play some games and surprise everyone and themselves with their performance. If you do that well, you can have a good story. Part of the fun of reading a good story is getting bits and pieces of information over some time and putting them all together to understand the story. If you get it all in one big bowl, it knocks the fun out of it.