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lvcabbie
December 7th, 2018, 01:51 PM
Tsalagi Tales

A modern Cherokee warrior suffers deep wounds of war, a medicine woman’s love helps him heal, and the two uncover an international plot that caused the fiery death of his parents.

[A work in progress]

23045

Fatclub
December 7th, 2018, 04:05 PM
No I wouldn't. I need more than these abstract concepts to get me to part with my hard-earned dosh. Hope this helps.

Jakov
December 7th, 2018, 07:52 PM
I agree with Fatclub, I would also need more clarification, but the concept seems interesting.

lvcabbie
December 8th, 2018, 01:40 PM
Well, as you all know, book blurbs are supposed to be kept short - about 25 words or so. This one is 28.

How does one condense:

PTSD from experience in Vietnam
A soldier who is part Cherokee.
A young Cherokee woman who is a healer.
The two fall in love and, despite some setbacks, she helps him heal.
He learns that while he was hospitalized, his parents and foster sister were killed in a fire ruled to be arson.
The murder of his parents was all part of an international plot to obtain properties of Vietnam veterans.

Any suggestions?

I do have a first draft, rough, 2 page Synopsis of the novel.

Ralph Rotten
December 10th, 2018, 11:14 PM
It needs a hook, that statement up-front that makes the reader say "Oh...tell me more."


A hook would be something like this:

"After waking from a coma, John has no idea who, or what he was before his accident. As he searches for the truth to his own identity, he begins to find out haunting things about himself and his past."

or

"The idea seemed impossible, even unimaginable, yet here was evidence of a massive plan to defraud millions of families of veterans. The only question was if they would live long enough to expose the consortium to the world."

Helps if you read it with a big 'announcer' voice. Tis always my fav way to test a blurb. If it don't pass the big announcer voice test then it ain't right.

Guard Dog
December 11th, 2018, 01:17 AM
I'd pick another tribe. Cherokee is over-used, I think, and there are a lot of others.
( I went through basic training with a Navajo, and he was full-blood, for instance. I also have relatives that are Sioux.)
A Seminole in Vietnam would be interesting, I think, just as an example.

Also, what's the bigger focus, the romance or the the murders and what comes from that?
( Trying to figure out what the story is, a romance with incidentals to cause it, or something else, with an incidental romance. )

Just my thoughts...


G.D.

Ralph Rotten
December 11th, 2018, 03:32 AM
Possibly it's not just the blurb that needs a hook.

Guard Dog
December 11th, 2018, 05:38 AM
Possibly it's not just the blurb that needs a hook.

Not meaning to throw a monkey wrench into the works, just tryin' to figure out if this one's more "Romancing the Stone" or "Raiders of the Lost Ark".




G.D.

4nirvana
December 17th, 2018, 07:03 AM
The premise is interesting- that is there is a someone who is sickly and I can visualize a scene where you see the man dying and the woman is holding him in her arms- affectionately, but she could know that he is dying and this could be one complications- she must then go on to uncover the truth about the parents and he in his dying time tells her the some lasting details. hope this helps. best wishes

lvcabbie
December 17th, 2018, 03:06 PM
The premise is interesting- that is there is a someone who is sickly and I can visualize a scene where you see the man dying and the woman is holding him in her arms- affectionately, but she could know that he is dying and this could be one complications- she must then go on to uncover the truth about the parents and he in his dying time tells her the some lasting details. hope this helps. best wishes


Thanks.
From your comments, it's clear I haven't properly set up the plot and theme of this novel from the opening. I clearly have a lot of work to do.