Underd0g
April 29th, 2018, 07:45 PM
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I thought I would start a new thread in case some who have visited my other thread lost interest.
Here is a new chapter that I hope will receive more great critique as the other one did.
Baggypants is the antagonist and educates his community and does them a great service (in his own mind).
Chapter ?
It was the time of year when the forest was in bloom. Flowers were opening, young birds were learning to fly; the blueberries were ripe, the forest was alive with activity. The caterpillars were emerging from their cocoons, the ants and grasshoppers were hard at work and the blueberries were ripe.
Yes, the blueberries were ripe. And, did I mention?... The blueberries were ripe!!
Mr. Baggypants walked up the trail toward Andie, "Fine day, fine day..." He said to Andie, "...for a contest." he finished his sentence.
"What is a contest?" Andie asked.
"It's a challenge, a game, a test to see who's best. I have chosen an activity I think I can beat you at, and at this activity you shall lose to me, the one who beat you." Mr. Baggypants rudely explained.
Andie was not going to let Mr. Baggypants think he was afraid, "I accept!" he said, a little more loudly than he had intended. It was then that Andie realized that he didn't know what the contest was. It didn't matter though, Andie was determined to try.
Mr. Baggypants explained: "It is to see who can pick the most blueberries in one hour and bring them back here. And, when we finish our contest, we can have a little picnic. We'll share our blueberries equally and rest from our exercise."
"Done and done." Andie agreed. Actually it sounded like fun to Andie. Andie was faster but Mr. Baggypants can carry more berries at once.
So the race was on, Andie had an advantage because of his speed and soon found a patch of blueberries. He worried that Mr.Baggypants knew the forest better than Andie since he has lived here his whole life.
"He probably doesn't have as far to run." Andie thought to himself.
Andie ran back and forth as fast as he could and his pile of blueberries grew, and grew.
An hour is a long time when you are running at full speed, but it did pass and Andie slumped down by his big pile of berries exhausted.
Andie realized that he hadn't checked on how Mr. Baggypants had been doing, but there he was, slowly walking up thetrail. His tongue and cheeks were blue and he was carrying one blueberry in each of his hands.
"You did splendidly my quick young bunny. "Mr. Baggypants said, "I do believe that you are definitely the winner. As I said, we shall split our blueberries equally and I am a raccoon of my word. Here, I'll give you half of my efforts." and handed Andie one blueberry. "Now, let's see how many you picked."
Andie's mouth hung open in disbelief. This had all been a trick. Andie worked so hard and only gets to eat half of his own berries, PLUS ONE!!
But all Andie could think to say was..."BEAT YOU!!"
I thought I would start a new thread in case some who have visited my other thread lost interest.
Here is a new chapter that I hope will receive more great critique as the other one did.
Baggypants is the antagonist and educates his community and does them a great service (in his own mind).
Chapter ?
It was the time of year when the forest was in bloom. Flowers were opening, young birds were learning to fly; the blueberries were ripe, the forest was alive with activity. The caterpillars were emerging from their cocoons, the ants and grasshoppers were hard at work and the blueberries were ripe.
Yes, the blueberries were ripe. And, did I mention?... The blueberries were ripe!!
Mr. Baggypants walked up the trail toward Andie, "Fine day, fine day..." He said to Andie, "...for a contest." he finished his sentence.
"What is a contest?" Andie asked.
"It's a challenge, a game, a test to see who's best. I have chosen an activity I think I can beat you at, and at this activity you shall lose to me, the one who beat you." Mr. Baggypants rudely explained.
Andie was not going to let Mr. Baggypants think he was afraid, "I accept!" he said, a little more loudly than he had intended. It was then that Andie realized that he didn't know what the contest was. It didn't matter though, Andie was determined to try.
Mr. Baggypants explained: "It is to see who can pick the most blueberries in one hour and bring them back here. And, when we finish our contest, we can have a little picnic. We'll share our blueberries equally and rest from our exercise."
"Done and done." Andie agreed. Actually it sounded like fun to Andie. Andie was faster but Mr. Baggypants can carry more berries at once.
So the race was on, Andie had an advantage because of his speed and soon found a patch of blueberries. He worried that Mr.Baggypants knew the forest better than Andie since he has lived here his whole life.
"He probably doesn't have as far to run." Andie thought to himself.
Andie ran back and forth as fast as he could and his pile of blueberries grew, and grew.
An hour is a long time when you are running at full speed, but it did pass and Andie slumped down by his big pile of berries exhausted.
Andie realized that he hadn't checked on how Mr. Baggypants had been doing, but there he was, slowly walking up thetrail. His tongue and cheeks were blue and he was carrying one blueberry in each of his hands.
"You did splendidly my quick young bunny. "Mr. Baggypants said, "I do believe that you are definitely the winner. As I said, we shall split our blueberries equally and I am a raccoon of my word. Here, I'll give you half of my efforts." and handed Andie one blueberry. "Now, let's see how many you picked."
Andie's mouth hung open in disbelief. This had all been a trick. Andie worked so hard and only gets to eat half of his own berries, PLUS ONE!!
But all Andie could think to say was..."BEAT YOU!!"