View Full Version : The straight down pipe.

Olly Buckle
April 8th, 2018, 10:17 PM
My father in law, a very inventive and clever man, described ‘the straight down pipe’. This little known piece of anatomy runs from the back of the stomach straight down, parallel to the spine, and is normally flaccid in state. Hidden on x-rays by the spine in its collapsed state it is also extremely hard to distinguish from general tissue, even in a dissection. This little known, and one hopes little used, organ comes into play only when one eats certain types of organic poisons, such as are found in over ripe fruit, or meat that has hung too long. The body, recognising a threat to its smooth and efficient running, takes immediate and drastic measures by activating the straight down pipe and thus by-passing the entire digestive system to void the unwanted material from the body in the shortest possible time.

Sceptics have attempted to deny the existence of this organ at times, fooled by its extremely secretive state. Consider this though, the normal human bowel is something like twenty five feet in length. You may never have made sausages, but most of us will have seen the process on some children’s programme, it is an old favourite of producers. There is something visceral about the way sausage meat is forced down the waiting tube, and it takes both hands and some effort. It is inconceivable that the tiny muscles in the intestinal wall could force food through twenty five feet of narrow tube in the time it takes one to run to the bathroom, or very nearly one way or the other, there is most certainly a straight down pipe.

April 9th, 2018, 05:41 PM
Yep, your father-in-law has to be right. His logic is irrefutable. ;)