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Olly Buckle
February 10th, 2018, 06:59 PM
There are pages and pages in the limerick thread. Sometimes reading through I am frustrated by a particularly good improvement I see in retrospect. Sometimes when I look at the work in progress I am frustrated because I can see a direction that involves more than one line.

Frustration is not good for the writer's soul, this is the place to work it out.

There once was a Lab named Maddee
Who chased squirrels up into the trees
Which was most strange
One could say deranged,
For this lab. was a laboratory.

Olly Buckle
March 22nd, 2018, 11:48 PM
This one originated from people talking about limericks in the Purple Pippery.

I thought I would write five quick lines,
I’m arrogant like that at times,
Explaining the form
Of the limerick poem
With its A A, B B A rhymes.

Olly Buckle
March 24th, 2018, 10:20 AM
A girl who lived in the city
Desperately wanted a kitty
but lived in a flat,
not where it's at,
Which really was rather a pity.

Darren White
March 24th, 2018, 10:44 AM
A good natured fellow named Olly
exclaimed this fine morning: "My golly!
no food in the fridge
not even a midge
I now have to suck on a lolly!"

(9,9,5,5,9)

Underd0g
March 24th, 2018, 12:14 PM
A horse who had just lost a race,
Because he could not keep the pace,
Walked into a bar,
And didn't get far,
'til the tender asked why the long face.

senecaone
March 24th, 2018, 12:42 PM
When I saw this new thread I was puzzled
Should my dog have a leash or be muzzled?
I gave it a think
Along with a drink
Then gave up as I was quite befuzzled

bdcharles
March 24th, 2018, 03:08 PM
All hours, every day, I must work
Or I drive El Jefe berzerk
Give me more time
To pen the sublime
This WIP don't write itself, jerk

ned
March 24th, 2018, 03:18 PM
sorry to raise any doubt
but I cannot work it out
the intro's unclear
so I have no idea
what this thread is all about

Olly Buckle
April 2nd, 2018, 09:20 PM
Limerick

A formal poetic construction of five anapaestic lines with three feet in the first, second, and fifth and two in the third and fourth, the last syllable is often truncated in the final foot. It follows the rhyming scheme a,a,b,b,a and is often comical or risqué in nature,
a bit like this :-

A limerick’s made of five lines
Three long and two short ones you’ll find
Eight beats in the long
You will not go wrong
And five in the short ones you mind.

A limerick needs different rhymes
For the longer and the short lines
Plus a twist in the tail
Will help, and not fail
To bring amusement at times

A content that’s absurd or makes fun
Sometimes more risqué than ‘The Sun’
Though we don’t care for crude
Limericks sometimes are lewd,
Using double entendres and puns

senecaone
April 2nd, 2018, 10:54 PM
Her point was abundantly clear
"Please take out the garbage my dear"
Although it's a sin
She went in the bin
That's the last I saw of her rear

Bloggsworth
April 2nd, 2018, 11:48 PM
There once was a Master of Caius
who prayed all the time on his knees
found the cushion he knelt on,
while praying for pardon,
unfortunately teeming with fleas

Olly Buckle
April 6th, 2018, 12:22 AM
The Carpenter picked up his saw
And cut a square hole in the floor
Which, while looking through
He fell into
Which was quicker than taking the door

Underd0g
April 19th, 2018, 06:11 PM
A carpenter blind as the law
Aware of his tiresome flaw
He prayed to his God
And soon he was awed
He picked up his hammer and saw

BlondeAverageReader
April 21st, 2018, 08:38 AM
The fisherman was having no luck
His waders in deep mud were stuck
How could he get out?
There’s no one about
Time to call 999, you dumb cluck

BlondeAverageReader
April 21st, 2018, 05:21 PM
There was a tweety bird up on a hill
Whose voice was a little bit shrill
No melody sweet
Issued from his beak
For sure he was no whip-poor-will

Olly Buckle
April 21st, 2018, 10:01 PM
You could better that b rhyme, for example
No melodies leaked
From his little beak

good though. :)

edit, read back

The fisherman was having no luck
His waders in deep mud were stuck
How could he get out?
There’s no one about
Time to call 999, you dumb cluck

This one it was the second line that worried me, partly the rhythm seems out slightly, I am not great at defining stresses, so that might be completely wrong, but more so the inversion to get 'stuck' on the end, let's face it we would say 'His waders were stuck in deep mud' normally. How about 'Wore waders in mud and got stuck' ? You could leave 'was'out of the first line and have both lines eight syllables.

I always think what a great form for practicing formal poetry this is; not so long you get lost, not so serious it isn't fun anymore or so long it gets tedious, and yet the number of possibilities is huge.

Nice Mrs BlondeAverageReader, more strength to your pen :)

Olly Buckle
May 4th, 2018, 05:38 PM
May brings loud thundershowers
That go on for hours and hours
And the hot sun of June
Stays up with the moon
Behind cloud castles and towers

JustRob
September 27th, 2018, 03:42 PM
Frustration? What's this about? Perhaps it's when you get that word that is almost impossible to rhyme, which is unfortunately often true of place names in limericks. While reading my old emails from 2012 to write my WIP today I found this item below within one. Apparently I did my best to meet up to that particular frustration. My apologies to Americans who don't know how "Leominster" is pronounced but my limerick may give you an idea. In fact it was reading an American book that prompted my whole rant about its author back then.


The book that I am reading is a conventional history-mystery shoot-out with a typical everyday superman-in-the-street type protagonist, which is fine by me but ...

An American girl in the story is described as correctly pronouncing the name of the English town Leominster because she was told how by a Welshman. I am wondering whether this is a subtle joke about Americans as the idea of asking a Welshman how to pronounce the name of an English town is admittedly not as ludicrous as asking an Englishman to pronounce the name of a Welsh town, but almost so. Did it not occur to him that the Welsh name for Leominster is quite different from the English one, so why would a true Welshman use the English name anyway? Leominster is in the Welsh marches, so inevitably it was the site of conflict between the Welsh and English. Hasn't he heard of the Battle of Llanllieni? No, neither had I but I have an active Internet connection and use it. Of course Leominster rhymes with -- good heavens, nothing at all. That limits the limerick-writers but I'll contrive something anyway.

There was an old woman of Leominster,
but speaking it almost exempts her,
I'm unable to say,
in a limerick way,
what I know of the woman of Leominster.

Underd0g
September 27th, 2018, 05:02 PM
Texas has 'Bexar', 'Knippa', 'Boerne', and a few others that you have to learn to pronounce.

San Antonio has a yearly celebration abbreviated to NIOSA. (Knee-osa) or (Nigh-osa) Pick your side and get ready to fight.

My son lived in Leominster Massachusetts. I'll have to find out if he knows how to pronounce it.

JustRob
September 27th, 2018, 06:24 PM
My son lived in Leominster Massachusetts. I'll have to find out if he knows how to pronounce it.

Our favourite weird pronunciation is a village near us called Trottiscliffe, pronounced Trosley.

ned
October 27th, 2018, 07:14 PM
A Scottish jockey called Sidney
Was approaching the last at Whitby
With sheer elegance
His horse cleared the fence
Alas, poor Sidney did'nee

TuesdayEve
October 28th, 2018, 07:28 PM
I asked an old friend to have tea
he accepted the call gladly
we chatted ate scones
turned off our iPhones
the elm trees were our canopy

ned
October 30th, 2018, 01:02 AM
upon the altar, her undaughtered
horn of blood, freshly slaughtered
incantations sung
the moon hung
drawn and quartered

Olly Buckle
January 19th, 2019, 12:54 PM
I knew a magician named Walt
Blamed the rabbit, but it was the malt
His vanishing trick
Was really quite slick,
His return was what was at fault.

It's from the limerick thread, but my last line, and I still think it might be better. :)

Bloggsworth
January 19th, 2019, 02:04 PM
The incredible thing about Olly
is that often he's really quite jolly
but some of the time
a mismatch in rhyme
sees him reach for a bottle of Bolly

Olly Buckle
January 19th, 2019, 07:45 PM
The drugs that they have me taking
Mean my liver is close to breaking
I don't drink alcohol,
Well, hardly at all
'Cause my life would be what I was staking. :)

Bloggsworth
January 19th, 2019, 08:38 PM
The drugs that they have me taking
Mean my liver is close to breaking
I don't drink alcohol,
Well, hardly at all
'Cause my life would be what I was staking. :)

I knew that Olly, but for comic effect...

Underd0g
January 20th, 2019, 08:03 AM
There once was a man named McMahon
Of alcohol, was a great fan
When Carnac would say
His punch line that day
To say "YOU'RE CORRECT!" was the plan


Bacon's what starts every day
A part of my breakfast buffet
I know soon enough
Affairs will get rough
For that second my cares go away

Underd0g
January 20th, 2019, 08:06 AM
I knew a magician named Walt
Blamed the rabbit, but it was the malt
His vanishing trick
Was really quite slick,
His return was what was at fault.

It's from the limerick thread, but my last line, and I still think it might be better. :)


I knew a magician named Walt
His tricks aren't what's really at fault
I tell you I'm thinkin'
The moonshine he's drinkin'
Turns into domestic assault

Olly Buckle
January 20th, 2019, 01:05 PM
Bacon's what starts every day
Inductive reason was his way
The methods of science
All owe their reliance
To empiricism that was his way

BlondeAverageReader
January 23rd, 2019, 03:46 PM
Frozen people observed the blood moon. (My first line)
But the thread got highjacked pretty soon
There was no give and take
Just one persons mistake
And my idea was dead by high noon


(Someone didn’t read the rules!)

Olly Buckle
January 26th, 2019, 07:12 PM
Frozen people observed the blood moon
Too cold for desire to cold to spoon
'Besides' said these fools,
There are certain rules
I observe, despite being a loon.

Olly Buckle
February 25th, 2019, 08:42 PM
Looking through some old stuff found this:-

https://www.writingforums.com/threads/146074-Know-the-form-Limerick

It's a bit old, forgive me.

Amnesiac
February 25th, 2019, 08:53 PM
Little Willy saw some old dynamite
He really couldn't understand it quite
Curiosity never pays
It rained Willy for seven days

Doesn't seem like much of a limerick... Let's try this:

There once was an anguished poodle
Who nearly went out of his noodle
He screamed and he cried
(and he almost died!)
Because he could not shout, "COCK-A-DOODLE!"

Bloggsworth
February 25th, 2019, 09:03 PM
When the iambs you penned don't surprise
and the rhyme is not getting a rise
it's time to rethink
write something succinct
as brevity wins you the prize

Olly Buckle
February 25th, 2019, 09:21 PM
A favourite about Little Willy my mother used to recite, not a limerick I am afraid, but it might amuse.

Little Willy from the mirror
licked the mercury all off
thinking in his childish error
it would cure his whooping cough
Later at the funeral the Doctor brightly remarked to Mrs. Brown
"Twas a chilly day for Willy when the mercury went down."

Underd0g
June 13th, 2019, 05:33 AM
Here are some of my favorites:


Our water was cut off at noon
What's worse it was out all through June
City water is hard
But they sent us a card
It helpfully said, "Get Well Soon"


There once was a man from North Spain
Was struck and yes killed by a train
His angel then said
"I'm sorry you're dead"
"But guarding you was such a pain"



Some say that my humor is whack
I ask but they won't take it back
Though it might be dark
I have made my mark
It isn't so dark as it's black



Glass casket was used for the queen
'Twas shiny, the loveliest sheen
Why was this basket
To be her casket
I guess it remains to be seen

Sleep washes away the days errors
I meet with the evening's dream bearers
Soon into the night
Oops, something's not right
Oh yeah, I forgot my night terrors

I know that I'm old 'cause I checked
Our language has now been all wrecked
Frustrated I'm leaning
As words lose their meaning
Now "Props" can mean proper respect


There was a young gent from South France
And everyone thought he could dance
When he was asked how
He said with a bow
I fill up my pants with red ants

There once was a man named Shakespeare
He had all these voices he'd hear
The townsfolk would gawk
Alone he would talk
Then they saw the blue tooth in his ear


To change a light bulb takes a few
Should only take one, this is true
From teamsters to teachers
And Cub Fans and preachers
We found grammar Nazis take too


Legos and Hot Wheels and wood blocks
Trains and Atari or X-Box
Yet what do I get
It gives me a fit
Grams sends me a carton of dress socks


A horse who had just lost a race,
Because he could not keep the pace,
Walked into a bar,
And didn't get far,
'til the tender asked, "Why the long face?"

The trees I cut down call me "Mister"
It's so long since I've had a blister
And when I'm in town
My axe is around
So people don't think I'm a hipster


I'm proud that my teen didn't pout
Instead he was quite a good scout
He really looked happy
The card from Grand Pappy
Was opened... no money fell out


At Christmas while feeling like Romeo
I lure a sweet thing to the mistletoe
I lean for a kiss
Engulfed by such bliss
It triggered a fun bout of vertigo

There was a young doggy named Dale
Who went to the vet looking pale
He said in a tizzy,
"Hey doc I feel dizzy"
The doc said, "Quit chasing your tail."



The costumes clowns wear seem to pester
My anger toward them would fester
When I couldn't stand more
One held open the door
I thought that it was a fine jester




Around certain food I'm in fear
My diet I try to adhere
I ate just one taco
It made me feel flaco
And gave me more room for some beer

Underd0g
June 14th, 2019, 12:03 AM
Here's a few more I'm kind of proud of...



The rose has gone off of the bloom
There isn't sufficient perfume
There is no winner
With cabbage for dinner
You just have to exit the room

So long I've been down in the dregs
My past seems to have its own legs
I think I break free
But soon it finds me
Emotional baggage sucks eggs

He drives so fast I wear diapers
The rain isn't cleared by the wipers
And though it seems strange
It never will change
'Til speeding's enforced by some snipers


The cowboy was full of chagrin
It so much got under his skin
His pardner would whistle
And cause him to bristle
He's Bach in the saddle again

Whenever I feel my heart harden
I stare at the dahlias I garden
In short bursts of time
I'm feeling sublime
My grievances I quickly pardon


It's strange that we fly in the sky
The passengers watch as I cry
My phobias vex
The pilot objects
And this is while I'm on stand-by


The candies have colors so strong
Their temptation strings me along
Placed in glass a dish
Ignore them? I wish
My decore, but not for too long



People all know when I'm lying
With doubts and grief I am vying
I'll walk in the rain
And deal with my pain
No one can see I am crying



I thought about buying a bass
I don't want to ever give chase
I want my vi-olin
To never be stolen
It's kept in a viola case

A violist went home to his spouse
He learned the conductor, that louse
Burned his home and then
Killed his wife and kin
"Really? The conductor came to my house?"


Young boys want to drink alcohol
They don't know much of it at all
Just to mess with their head
Give them cider instead
And then they won't think they're so small


My fishing gear's grungy and tattered
Its grubby and grimy and spattered
So you'd have to be dense
For it not to make sense
That the fishes would wind up all "battered"

There once was a girl name of violet
Her job was to fly, yes a pilot
Was she good at her job?
Asked the bigoted snob
Well her plane mates now live on an islet


Manila has interesting boulders
The women have beautiful shoulders
If you've been there I bet
You'll never forget
Their practical off-yellow folders

Olly Buckle
June 14th, 2019, 09:33 AM
Some good ones there, Underdog. There was one place, "He drives so fast I will wear diapers", where you got one too many syllables in the line, I am guessing it is because of 'diapers' where the 'a' and the 'i' look like a single syllable but are pronounced separately, so it is three syllables just in that word. Taking 'will' out would fix it.
The next one I particularly liked, 'He's Bach in the saddle again' made me grin.

Underd0g
June 14th, 2019, 01:18 PM
Some good ones there, Underdog. There was one place, "He drives so fast I will wear diapers", where you got one too many syllables in the line, I am guessing it is because of 'diapers' where the 'a' and the 'i' look like a single syllable but are pronounced separately, so it is three syllables just in that word. Taking 'will' out would fix it.
The next one I particularly liked, 'He's Bach in the saddle again' made me grin.


Well sure enough, thanks for that I went ahead and corrected it. Don't know why I didn't see it. I like these little ditties, they're fun.

Bloggsworth
June 14th, 2019, 01:50 PM
Of course, the original limericks had pretty tame last lines, not Edward Lear at his best - Incidentally, the limerick has nowt to do with the eponymous Irish town or county.

A silly old man from Dundee
booked a coach trip to Tralee
but when he got there
the cupboard was bare
that silly old man from Dundee.

Was the form used by Lear.

Marjon
June 14th, 2019, 03:44 PM
A bunch of old men in West Minster
hop lustily after a spinster
don't you do this to me
you're not my cup of tea
you might have more luck with my sister

Olly Buckle
June 15th, 2019, 08:31 AM
Of course, the original limericks had pretty tame last lines, not Edward Lear at his best - Incidentally, the limerick has nowt to do with the eponymous Irish town or county.

A silly old man from Dundee
booked a coach trip to Tralee
but when he got there
the cupboard was bare
that silly old man from Dundee.

Was the form used by Lear.

Incidentally, I don't think Lear invented the form, merely popularised it. That is the form with a truncated last foot, one may do that or not as you choose. Truncating either or both the longer and the shorter lines seems to be acceptable, but I always feel that the rhyming lines should be the same length as each other. I think it is a great way to introduce the idea of a formal poetic structure, it is short and not too daunting before you start, the rules are fairly straight forward and simple, and it is meant to be amusing, the structure is the only formal bit.

The very first one I learned as a child was,

There was a young lady from Ryde
Who ate some green apples and died
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her inside.

The word play in the last line fascinated me, as did the long words, lamented and fermented, I think I probably learned what they meant through hearing it. I was probably about six :)

Bloggsworth
June 15th, 2019, 04:25 PM
23891

Olly Buckle
June 15th, 2019, 08:49 PM
'Bracket twelve plus one forty four' seems to work, but I get no further so maybe that is not it.

Olly Buckle
June 15th, 2019, 08:58 PM
Bracket twelve plus one forty four
That was all I got and no more,
Enough to decipher
An unknown cipher?
Or perhaps I am way off the score.

:)

Marjon
June 15th, 2019, 09:01 PM
I was always a zero in algebra, so this one is too difficult for me.

Underd0g
June 15th, 2019, 10:14 PM
23891


I had to add in an extra "0"...

A dozen then add in a gross
The number that two feet have toes
Then six over seven
You're almost in heaven
Add fifty five gets eighty-one plus 0's

Underd0g
June 15th, 2019, 10:22 PM
23891



I had to add in an extra "0"...

A dozen then add in a gross
The number that two feet have toes
Then six over seven
You're almost in heaven
Add fifty five gets eighty-one plus 0's


Twelve added to one forty four
Twenty plus three times square of four
All this over seven
And five times eleven
Is nine squared and not one bit more

Underd0g
June 18th, 2019, 05:16 AM
I wanted to be more productive
My lifestyle was stale and destructive
I made me a list
In hopes to assist
But dam* that TV is seductive


You cannot rhyme purple, it's said
You'll try it from now 'til you're dead
Though that may be true
You still can rhyme blue
And then you can add in some red

Olly Buckle
June 19th, 2019, 01:22 PM
White is the colour that's Papal
And Cardinals crimson, not purple
But when they convene
And white smoke is seen
The alcohol's ethyl, not propyl.

Try 'Orange'. :)

Olly Buckle
June 19th, 2019, 01:31 PM
Of course, the original limericks had pretty tame last lines, not Edward Lear at his best - Incidentally, the limerick has nowt to do with the eponymous Irish town or county.
From curiosity I Googled it, there is a diversity of opinion, but Brittanica suggests it might come from a seventeenth century song, 'Will you come up to Limerick?'

Bloggsworth
June 19th, 2019, 02:43 PM
Yes, if you're paying... It's an opinion, but I think it is the only reference that connects the two.

Underd0g
June 19th, 2019, 04:02 PM
White is the colour that's Papal
And Cardinals crimson, not purple
But when they convene
And white smoke is seen
The alcohol's ethyl, not propyl.

Try 'Orange'. :)


It's awesome colors make Thor cringe
The beauty couldn't be more fringe
The sunset I see
Sublime irony
Are wonderful shades of orange

Underd0g
July 2nd, 2019, 01:38 AM
24006

Underd0g
July 5th, 2019, 11:29 PM
24029

Olly Buckle
July 6th, 2019, 12:06 AM
That don't look like no pigeon to me
Pigeons are rounder you see
with a small curvy beak.
It's either a freak
or a seagull that strayed from the sea.

The eagle is fine.

Underd0g
July 6th, 2019, 02:37 AM
That don't look like no pigeon to me
Pigeons are rounder you see
with a small curvy beak.
It's either a freak
or a seagull that strayed from the sea.

The eagle is fine.

Well dang, that would have been helpful and a darn sight easier to rhyme than having to make up a word.

Great off the cuff limerick!!

BlondeAverageReader
July 6th, 2019, 08:26 AM
That plant has turned into a weed
Now the darn thing is going to seed
It looked really cute
So I got me a root
Agent Orange is now what I need

Olly Buckle
July 6th, 2019, 09:25 AM
The BlondAverageReader grows weed?
So that's what keeps her up to speed
"I'm no writer" she said
but given her head
she finds the rhymes she needs.

Bloggsworth
July 6th, 2019, 09:35 AM
She finds all the rhymes that she needs
when chewing the Kanna's small seeds
but when her mind blew
she continued to chew
and caught the pink airship to Leeds.

BlondeAverageReader
July 6th, 2019, 10:59 AM
The pink airship that l caught to Leeds
Was lacking the facilities one needs
With no place to ‘go’
And the journey so slow
When we landed l watered the weeds

Underd0g
August 20th, 2019, 06:23 PM
On another site they challenged me to write a limerick about payments:

You think no one cares about you
I know this is so far from true
Miss on your car loan
Soon it will be known
They'll call before you can say, "boo"


My college loan was a mistake
My classes I have to retake
But things will be awesome
I won't have a problem
Ol' Bernie will give me a break



Cash problems, I really have felt it
Name setbacks, and I have been dealt it
I've missed payments it's true
On my comfy igloo
The bank came, so that they could melt it

Dylan di Vilde
February 21st, 2020, 01:26 PM
A finicky lady from Cheam
would eat only peaches and cream
this tasty confection
did help her complexion
but made her quite broad in the beam

Phil Istine
February 21st, 2020, 02:02 PM
A fussy old man from Sutton
Ate Sunday roast of mutton
His belly did bloat
Like Mr Creosote
It was then that he popped his buttons

Dylan di Vilde
February 21st, 2020, 02:09 PM
A popular singer called Midge
now lives in derelict fridge
If you pay him a tenner
he’ll sing you Vienna
and jump off the Waterloo Bridge.

Bloggsworth
February 22nd, 2020, 07:33 PM
When trying to write words sublime
sometimes one seeks help divine
but when no help comes
I find one succumbs
to the charms of the fruit of the vine.

Dylan di Vilde
February 25th, 2020, 09:52 AM
He frenziedly reached for my hand
as he sank in the treacherous sand
appealing to me
with a desperate plea
forgetting I owed him ten grand.

Tirralirra
March 10th, 2020, 07:20 PM
A poet who wrote on this forum
had no notion at all of decorum.
When he pressed ‘like’ and ‘lol’
he would empty his soul
in a long monologue that would bore ‘em.

Dylan di Vilde
March 11th, 2020, 12:20 PM
Limericks Banned!


Listen, I haven’t much time
though I swear I’ve committed no crime
the powers that be
want to persecute me -
the outlaw bandido of rhyme.

The limerick now is unlawful -
branded as hackneyed and awful!
but as you can see
they didn’t stop me -
believe me I got a whole drawer full

They’ve put a large price on my head -
a Serial Rhymer they said
But Desperate Dylan -
intractable villain
is constantly one step ahead.

Keeping my cool under fire
and dressed in civilian attire
I bravely got through
to bring this to you
like Steve McQueen over the wire.

But now I must swiftly away
like the bloke who delivers Milk Tray
for hark the chill sounds
of the following hounds,
my going I cannot delay.

But if on some lonely black night,
you notice some fleet shadow sprite,
it just might be me
and my bad poetree
still fighting the limerick fight.

So if there’s a knock on the door
and there’s two shady types from the law,
remember the deal -
poets don’t squeal
and You’ve never seen me before.

But if they are coming for you
think about what you must do
you may find that you are a
poetic Guevara
then you’ll be a renegade too.

Gumby
March 11th, 2020, 03:47 PM
Haha! Bravo! (And don't worry, mums the word...)

Tirralirra
March 11th, 2020, 10:19 PM
you’ll be a renegade too
when you make a mess in the loo:
with this medical caper
we ain’t got no paper,
and the question will be:’Whose Pooh?’