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TuesdayEve
October 23rd, 2017, 06:55 PM
I'm a blondey, curley headed scratchy girl
I love to get scratched all around my curls
under my collar, under my chin
over my belly, over within
the crease between my neck and my ears
the base of my tail, my chest interfers
reaching my armpits they never get scatched
between my front legs, thats all that I ask

I hum when I'm happy, I bark at the birds
the cardinals and grakels are acting absurd
the chip monks and squirrels are acting like fools
of course I complain but Gayle over rules

If we're all done here I think I'll go bug
Ziggy von Ziggy and give him a hug

ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord
January 9th, 2018, 03:16 AM
Cute! I think this might be the kind of thing that would work well with pictures (that would also clarify who Gayle and Ziggy Von Ziggy are).

This part--


the crease between my neck and my ears
the base of my tail, my chest interfers
reaching my armpits they never get scatched
between my front legs, thats all that I ask

--is a little awkward. Maybe it's just me, but the rhyme gets a little lost there and it seems like a lot of focus on a less significant detail (scratching).

Also, one other small thing: "chip monks" should be "chipmunks."

TuesdayEve
January 12th, 2018, 05:36 AM
Yes you’re right it’s chipmunks, not monks with chips.
I wrote it fast and didn’t notice the misspell...
the lines you’re refering to, in fact the whole poem,
was meant to be read fast. Ziggy von Ziggy as well.
Both were for Gayle, their owner. And after writing
them, thought they might be better in the childrens
section. Never thought of pictures, good idea...
now if I can figure out how to do that...
Ziggy’s thread should be under this one or near by.
Thanks for your review, I appriciate it,