View Full Version : My First Time

May 1st, 2017, 01:35 AM

God I was nervous, I was shaking all over. And my stomach was doing somersaults! She was ready, her legs open, her big green eyes looking at me, filled with fear and excitement. I moved closer to her, afraid if I touched her, I would lose my lunch, or she might grab me in a panic and crush me. They say you never forget your first time. I can understand why.

“Push.” She screamed. I panicked, but I didn’t move, somehow holding myself together.

“Push.” She was holding her breath, expectantly.

“C’mon baby, don’t fight it,” I said, gaining a little confidence. She screamed again, her face turning bright red.

“Relax darlin’, it’ll be easier if you just go along with it.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” she grunted. Feeling a little uncomfortable, I got myself into a better position.

“Push.” Sweat began dripping from her brow. She screamed again.

“Nearly there,” I said, “we’re almost done.”

“One more push.” She grunted painfully. The expression on her face made me think she was going to explode.

“AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!” I couldn’t believe it. We were there, we’d done it. (Well, she did most of it really.)

“Well done, Caroline,” the doctor said, as he handed me a pair of scissors, showing me where to cut the umbilical cord. I took the scissors with a shaky hand, cutting the lifeline between mother and child. (And the great fleshy blob that followed) The doctor examined the baby briefly then handed the baby to the nurse. I watched the nurse clean the baby, wiping off the blood and fluids that had surrounded the baby since conception. She wrapped the baby in a blanket and passed the small bundle of life to me.

“Congratulations Mr Smith, you have a beautiful and healthy baby boy.” I stood there paralysed, in shock. Or was it joy. Maybe even pride. Perhaps it was all three. Tears began welling in my eyes. I moved over beside my wife, adjusting the blanket so she could see our first child, our son. Her eyes filled with tears, her relief mixed with passion, with love, for our newborn son. I knew then that I would never forget this, the first time I became a father.

An FYI, I wrote this the day my wife told me she was pregnant with our first child. Hope you enjoyed it. :)

Gold Bearer
May 1st, 2017, 02:28 PM
:thumbl: Nice. Pity there's no way to disguise it better, 'push' gives it away too much. Still funny though. I've got some catching up to do. How many bloody stories have you written? :D

May 1st, 2017, 09:28 PM
I got about 20 short stories. I started writing back in the mid ninties. Havent posted my first ever story yet. It will be in the horror section, as it's dark and depressing kind of.

But the 20 dont include my 4 novels, or the other novel ideas (sounds funny saying that) I have as well.

May 2nd, 2017, 03:58 AM
Alluring title with a nice little flash fiction piece here. I especially liked your final paragraph-- great finish! : D

Keep on writing!

June 11th, 2017, 10:20 AM
congratulations on the good news.

i think that this piece could use a little more depth and specificity if you are trying to work on it. i think you being there when your wife actually gives birth should give you the details you need. i think if you make the story have some emotional variation it could have more impact. it's hard to write about subjects like this without your own sentiments carrying you when the prose should. if you take this flash fictio, which could be about anyone at this point, and make it distinct enough to to be about one set of characters you'll be able to make this work really well.

Anthony Clark
July 21st, 2017, 03:39 PM
really nice!

July 22nd, 2017, 06:47 PM
I agree with lucario719. More depth, but I really like the disguise of something quite different than reality. You could write about the lighting, or feeling like you were "center stage," or more emotion about how you go to that place. "We decided the time was right . . ." Good job, though.