View Full Version : Fanny Bru's Big Cock Up

April 21st, 2017, 08:14 PM
A team of astronauts lead by former glamour model, Fanny Bru were travelling in space looking for Jupiter. The rocket, named Willy was small but it performed its duties well. The ship earned it's name from Fanny's father: William Bru. Assisting Fanny Bru was her right hand man, Mike Faulty. His knowledge was fatter than his think rake body, but like his hair all went to waste. Then there was the three students from Edinburgh University; Alan Coward, Maud Meek and Waffles Stardust. Mike grumbled on his chair with his arms crossed. His eyes fixated on the red lights. "We should have brought some more fuel," he muttered.

"Let's turn that beeping off." Fanny pushed the emergency land button and Willy zoomed at a rapid pace. Crash! They didn't know where they were, but they survived and that was all that mattered to Fanny. "I hope everyone is all right?"

Mike sighed. "How could you have pressed the wrong button. You stupid blonde bimbo!"

Fanny disgruntled at her colleague. He was a verbal assassin, but he wouldn't even hurt a fly. She was getting tired of him. All he ever seemed to do since the rocket landed was moan. "My finger slipped," she said.

"It seems that we've landed somewhere," Waffles cried out as she opened the shuttle door.

Alan barged out of the door. "I'll be glad to get some space. We're all liked packed sardines here."

Fanny and the rest of her crew hopped of the ship and discovered a distant planet. "This is an amazing sight!" Fanny declared as she ran into the purple mist. Mike and the students followed her as they found themselves warped into buildings make of skills and lampposts shaped as eyeballs. A crystal lake shimmered ahead of them.

Mike gulped as he tried to pull Fanny back. "We better get going. We need to fix the ship and head back to Earth."

"Look!" Maud pointed with her pale fingers. "There's eggs near the lake."

"I really don't like the sound of this," Mike admitted. "At least one of us is going to end up dead if we're not careful."

Fanny, Alan, Maud and Waffles raced towards the nest where they noticed the nest. They discovered five golden eggs squeezed together in a wired nest. Just as Fanny approached one off the eggs and touched it with her hands, it began to hatch. The egg rumbled as the tips of the eggs began to crumble. A naked girl popped out of the egg. She looked like any other normal girl you could find on Earth, but it was strange how she came from an egg. Fanny covered the girl up with her coat to protect her dignity. Once the girl was covered up, her eyes became drawn to the coffee shop across the road.

"Let's go to the coffee shop," Fanny suggested.

"I'm off!" Mike stormed off and headed back to the ship.

The rest of the gang marched towards coffee shop, invited by the smell of coffee. When they opened the door they were surprised to see that the whole place was empty. The objects were empty and there were six coffee cups waiting for them at the white counter. Just as Fanny came into the middle of the room, time came to a sudden halt. Her surroundings had frozen and the clocks on the wall had paused. Fanny shuddered, she felt as if she had been warped into a painting, she picked up the black coffee in the middle and nothing happened.

Fanny tried to open the door that she had just came out from. As she opened it, a wave of light forced her eyes to clench shut from the sensation of the strong light. When she opened her eyes, seven beams of pastel colours came jolting towards her. She steered herself towards the fridge and the beams bounced on Alan's feet. Alan shook his head and dashed behind Maud and Waffles. "It's the end of a rainbow!" he cried out.

"I don't know what sort of planet this is," Fanny admitted. As she finished speaking, the coffee shop became invaded with transparent human figures. One of the figures turned out to be Mike.


Fanny almost spat out her coffee. "PLANET URANUS! YOU MUST BE JOKING!"

"Actually," Mike said with arms spread out like soaring wings, "I AM JOKING!"

"Then were are we?" Maud asked.

"I don't know." Mike pointed at Fanny. "But thanks to you, I'm dead."

"Really?" Alan shrieked in his typical melancholic manner. His eyes quickly became red and puffy as his hair. His suit became steamed up with his tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about me," Mike announced. "I'll be alright. Do take good care of my corpse though. I want to be buried on the moon."

"We'll do that," Waffles promised him with her hand on her heart.

"How do we get out here?" Fanny asked.

"The same way you came here," Mike said. "On the ship. It should be fixed now, but I must warm you, Willy's shape leaves a lot to be...desired."

"We better get going," Waffles said, clutching Fanny's shoulder. "We'll end up being ghosts too if we're not careful."

They returned to the ship and took the nameless child with them. When they saw the ship, they couldn't help but giggle. Waffles was the worst, her mouth exploded with roars of laughter. "Good grief! Is he compensating for something?"

Fanny and the gang returned inside Willy. The new sack installed gave the rocket a lot more space for every to be in. No longer did they have to endure the mild body odour Before returning to earth, they fulfilled Mike's final request to be buried on the moon. When Fanny and her crew returned to earth they had a feeling that they had entered a different time zone Everything looked the same, but the atmosphere felt different. Fanny couldn't recognise any of the scientists walking by apart from one who looked just like Mike. She called out for him. "MIKE! WE TOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!"

Mike marched towards the gang then suddenly stopped. He took one good look at the ship and squinted.

"You're alive after all!" Alan cried as she darted towards him and hugged him tight.

"I don't know what's just happened here," Waffles whispered to Maud.

"I'm sorry." Mike squinted again. "Do I know you?"

"Don't be silly?" Fanny snapped with her hand on her hips. "You're Mike Faulty. We used to work together. I just buried you on the moon. Why don't you explain that!"

"So you're Fanny Bru!" Mike gasped in amazement. "You're the legendary prostitute from 2069."

"I was more of a glamour model," Fanny groaned. She wanted to leave a sex scandal youth far behind her.

"Right," he said. He pointed at his badge with his work ID on it. "The thing is, I'm not actually Mike. I'm Donald Faulty, his great grandson."

Harper J. Cole
April 30th, 2017, 02:18 PM
Rather fun, though I'm not usually a sexual innuendo man. I'd also recommend a slightly slower pace, as the sequence of events felt slightly rushed. It can be worthwhile to sketch in a few more details about the character's reactions to the various strange happenings before moving on to the next one.